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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dogs and visits

61 replies

Milkshake54 · 14/10/2021 20:44

Am I being unreasonable for saying I don’t want animals in my house?

Me and my DP are not animal people, but family members are getting upset that we have said we don’t want their pets visiting our house. Been made to feel quite guilty about it.

Animal owners - do you get upset when your furry (or non furry) friends aren’t allowed to visit other people’s homes?

AIBU?

OP posts:
jagoda · 14/10/2021 21:17

Hmmm, yes. They are being unreasonable to make you feel guilty. However, you would be equally unreasonable to make them feel guilty if they then say they cannot visit you.

If you have put that barrier in place, which you are fully entitled to do, then you have to be gracious about the consequences.

Suzi888 · 14/10/2021 21:20

YANBU I feel the same about children Grin.

Original poster
Milkshake54 · 14/10/2021 21:31

@FFSFFSFFS

Well if you’re a couple of hours away then they’ll have to arrange dog care etc - so I think that while you’re of course totally entitled to say no dog you also have to understand that this has implications for them and it’s not reasonable for you to be annoyed if they then don’t come or don’t come for long.

I might me misreading - but it sounds like you would be annoyed that not bringing the dog will then change how they visit?

Not how they visit necessarily - but that they expected to be able to visit the same and for us to make allowances.

We have been made to feel pretty terrible that they aren’t able to visit their DGC as and when they want because they can’t leave the puppy. And instead want us to travel to them the majority of the times because they have the puppy.

Without recognising that travelling with a baby isn’t the easiest thing in the world.

I’m aware having a baby makes things difficult and you have to make sacrifices in life - I don’t think my parents recognised the same sacrifices would need to be made for a puppy.

The puppy was their choice, after DS was born, they can make their own decisions regarding animals - but think it is unfair to make us feel guilty that then life doesn’t work the way they want it to in their relationship with DGC.

OP posts:
Original poster
Milkshake54 · 14/10/2021 21:34

@jagoda

Hmmm, yes. They are being unreasonable to make you feel guilty. However, you would be equally unreasonable to make them feel guilty if they then say they cannot visit you.

If you have put that barrier in place, which you are fully entitled to do, then you have to be gracious about the consequences.

I’m not overly bothered whether they come to visit or not 🤣
OP posts:
FFSFFSFFS · 14/10/2021 21:35

Oh yep they’re being annoying then! They have to accept that puppies come with lifestyle implications….

Original poster
Milkshake54 · 14/10/2021 21:36

@Suzi888

YANBU I feel the same about children Grin.
🤣 I get that - I’m not offended if you don’t want my DS to come to your house - but like some of the dog owners have said, it means I’m not coming 🤣
OP posts:
shouldistop · 14/10/2021 21:36

I'd never even think to bring our dog to someone's house.

Guetzlibache · 14/10/2021 21:37

I would not be upset(I have 2 well behaved dogs),but I would think,there is something quite sad about people who dont like pets.Like I choose not to have children,but I like children.

Dochas121 · 14/10/2021 21:38

@Milkshake54 I wouldn’t expect to bring dog to any friends and wouldn’t mind if they said no. We just schedule these visits for when he can stay home alone although it does limit us going to visit. I’d never presume dog was welcome at a friends.

Family all welcome the dog to theirs as they know he is important to us and a member of our family. One family member likes him to stay outside or in their utility room which is fine, others happy for him to be inside.

Original poster
Milkshake54 · 14/10/2021 21:40

@Guetzlibache

I would not be upset(I have 2 well behaved dogs),but I would think,there is something quite sad about people who dont like pets.Like I choose not to have children,but I like children.
Oh it’s not I don’t like dogs, I just don’t want them in my house. Happy to go to your house and visit your dogs!
OP posts:
Original poster
Milkshake54 · 14/10/2021 21:41

[quote Dochas121]@Milkshake54 I wouldn’t expect to bring dog to any friends and wouldn’t mind if they said no. We just schedule these visits for when he can stay home alone although it does limit us going to visit. I’d never presume dog was welcome at a friends.

Family all welcome the dog to theirs as they know he is important to us and a member of our family. One family member likes him to stay outside or in their utility room which is fine, others happy for him to be inside.[/quote]
We don’t have a utility room or a garden sadly, otherwise we would welcome that!

OP posts:
Grumpyosaurus · 14/10/2021 21:43

We have had dogs for the better part of 20 years and would NEVER just presume to take them to anyone's house. Would always ask very cautiously first, if we asked at all, and take no for an answer without making a fuss about it.

In fact, I get a bit pissed off when the ILs assume that since we have our own dogs, they can just rock up with theirs (who then sometimes piss on the carpet or chase the cat).

DocAutumn · 14/10/2021 21:44

I don't bring my pets to other people's houses. Ynbu.

shakehandswithdanger · 14/10/2021 21:45

I don't travel with my dogs, and no, I wouldn't expect them to be welcomed into other people's homes. If it were an emergency, I would expect my closest family to allow my dogs into their homes, as I would theirs, but that's it. Just for a visit? Nope.

Brigante9 · 14/10/2021 21:49

I would not have dreamed of taking my dogs anywhere but my parents’ house. They used to dogs sit for us, suited them to stay at ours because they had friends down our way.

With more recent dogs, we didn’t take them anywhere because one of them was not 100% with people and definitely not good with dogs. However, I’m now going to be the annoying person who asks if they can bring their dog because his brother died and I’m reluctant to leave him. I’ve already checked if a family member is ok with this for when I visit in half term. I wouldn’t dream of taking him anywhere he wasn’t 100% welcome, tho, it’s bloody rude.

Cattitudes · 14/10/2021 21:50

Could you plan to sometimes meet half way at a park or something and then a dog friendly pub? Or even better dh meet them half way at a park and pub while you relax at home!

Original poster
Milkshake54 · 14/10/2021 21:53

@Cattitudes

Could you plan to sometimes meet half way at a park or something and then a dog friendly pub? Or even better dh meet them half way at a park and pub while you relax at home!
Yeah we do lots of alternatives, but it means visits aren’t as frequent as they would like because they need to find alternative arrangements for the dog and the dog doesn’t travel well…
OP posts:
WoolyMammoth55 · 14/10/2021 21:58

OP I'm a dog-owner and dog-lover and you're not being unreasonable of course, your home your rules.

However, like other PPs have said, I can't leave my dog for too long so when visiting non-dog friends' places we stay shorter times and (TBH) we visit less often.

I think from your other posts it sounds like it's your in-laws visiting from a few hours away whose dog you're refusing to host - is that right? I'd gently encourage you to consider being cautious on that front TBH. Basically because I have different rules hosting friends than hosting close family. I think family is important and I compromise more with them for the sake of my kids, and their relationships with GPs, and to show that we consider them and their needs.

Also, I'm sure it won't change your mind if you've made it up! But just for reference having the baby crawl around on the floor with a dog is actually really good for them! :) www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/dogs-health-asthma-benefits-living-pets-babies-children-illnesses-bacteria-a7786886.html

Original poster
Milkshake54 · 14/10/2021 22:06

[quote WoolyMammoth55]OP I'm a dog-owner and dog-lover and you're not being unreasonable of course, your home your rules.

However, like other PPs have said, I can't leave my dog for too long so when visiting non-dog friends' places we stay shorter times and (TBH) we visit less often.

I think from your other posts it sounds like it's your in-laws visiting from a few hours away whose dog you're refusing to host - is that right? I'd gently encourage you to consider being cautious on that front TBH. Basically because I have different rules hosting friends than hosting close family. I think family is important and I compromise more with them for the sake of my kids, and their relationships with GPs, and to show that we consider them and their needs.

Also, I'm sure it won't change your mind if you've made it up! But just for reference having the baby crawl around on the floor with a dog is actually really good for them! :) www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/dogs-health-asthma-benefits-living-pets-babies-children-illnesses-bacteria-a7786886.html[/quote]
The only reason I don’t want the baby and dog on the floor together is because the dog bit the baby.

Regardless of whether we had a baby or not, the dog still wouldn’t be welcome - it’s an excitable untrained puppy - maybe in a few years when it’s mellowed and my baby is a toddler who can run around pulling it’s tail 🤣

OP posts:
2bazookas · 14/10/2021 22:07

I would never take any of my dogs to someone else's house unless they particularly ask for the dog to come along.

InTheNightWeWillWish · 14/10/2021 22:09

I only really take my dogs to my parents and grandparents. I have taken them to friends houses when they really haven’t minded but I can’t relax. My dogs are well behaved but they’re dogs - they like to stick their full face in a water bowl and dribble it everywhere, I’ve got a lab who will leave black fur everywhere just because he can, they track mud in. I feel so anxious about my dogs just being dogs in other people’s houses and generally creating a mess.

MayorGundersonsDogRufus · 14/10/2021 22:10

I'm a dog owner and don't like leaving the dogs for more than four hours, so if a friend has invited us over for long boozy dinner (or whatever) then yes, it's nice to take the dogs. They are fairly well trained though. However it's not reasonable to get offended if someone says no, although likewise that may sometimes mean it's hard for us to accept an invitation.

LimitIsUp · 14/10/2021 22:15

Not really - your house your rules

takenforgrantednana · 14/10/2021 22:18

@Milkshake54

Am I being unreasonable for saying I don’t want animals in my house?

Me and my DP are not animal people, but family members are getting upset that we have said we don’t want their pets visiting our house. Been made to feel quite guilty about it.

Animal owners - do you get upset when your furry (or non furry) friends aren’t allowed to visit other people’s homes?

AIBU?

i have 2 dogs, and no way would i even think to take them with me to visit anyone, unless they have given the say so first, and mine are extremely well behaved and know exactly where nana keeps the doggies treats!

its your house and your rules, no dogs, no shoes, no smoking etc etc let them be upset if they so wish, but dont give in to one of them as sure enough it will get back to the others and they will want to know why you let so and sos in and not theirs

namechange123779 · 14/10/2021 22:25

This drives me mad!! We have a ton of pets that we love but I'd never, ever except to take them to anyone else's house YANBU x

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