Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New partner

54 replies

Smeggy1982 · 14/10/2021 17:10

Hello, looking for advice as to AIBU regarding new relationship
Long story short, i left the father of my children 4 months ago due to his past cheating,and also having nothing in common,not having sex,and being unhappy in the relationship for a long time.
We were together for 5 years, im 31 and he is 25
I did not want to talk things through or try to fix anything, i wanted out and made this clear.
He moved out of the home a week later.

I have had a friend for years who attended the same hobby club as me,and we got talking more outside of the club and started doing things in our own personal time,which then lead to alot more he is 36.
This has been going on for 8 weeks now and there is alot of chemistry,ive met his family and friends, things have escalated pretty quickly.
Im now terrified of telling my family about this new relationship,my mother is very against me leaving my children's father and getting into another relationship,she wanted me to work through things and fix the relationship,dosnt see why i would be interested in even dating when i have a perfectly good man there i could get back with etc, and assumes that i will be single for a long time.
We were going to wait until the new year to tell my mother, but she might still not be happy about it then?
What should i do?

OP posts:
10yearwarranty · 14/10/2021 17:19

8 weeks is no time, he isn't really your new partner yet is he? So slow down. Just date and enjoy yourself. Don't introduce him to your children yet, and no need to worry about family introductions either.

10yearwarranty · 14/10/2021 17:20

Oh and if your mum isn't happy after being introduced to him around January/February time - you're an adult. You make your own choices and don't have to justify yourself to anyone.

Smeggy1982 · 14/10/2021 17:32

I should add that my kids are 2 years old they are twins. Their father sees them once a week,his choice, i let him have as much time as he wanted but he is too busy 🙄
We are taking it slow, only see eachother when kids are with their dad or they are fast asleep.
I think my new boyfriend thinks im maybe embarrassed by him as i havnt introduced him to any of my family yet, i am leagues above him,but he has a good heart and is very kind to me. Looks arnt everything right?

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 14/10/2021 17:33

It's none of your mother's business really but I hope you aren't thinking of introducing your children to your new partner yet, it's way too soon.

TinnedPotatoesRock · 14/10/2021 17:34

If your new bloke was any kind of decent man, he wouldn't be expecting to be introduced to your family yet, that would set alarm bells ringing for me

TinnedPotatoesRock · 14/10/2021 17:35

And having a new partner this soon is definitely not taking things slow!

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 14/10/2021 17:35

@Smeggy1982

I should add that my kids are 2 years old they are twins. Their father sees them once a week,his choice, i let him have as much time as he wanted but he is too busy 🙄 We are taking it slow, only see eachother when kids are with their dad or they are fast asleep. I think my new boyfriend thinks im maybe embarrassed by him as i havnt introduced him to any of my family yet, i am leagues above him,but he has a good heart and is very kind to me. Looks arnt everything right?
I wouldn't introduce him to anyone yet, he will likely catch onto your attitude towards his looks and chuck you.

You have twins you say.....

TinnedPotatoesRock · 14/10/2021 17:38

i am leagues above him,but he has a good heart and is very kind to me. Looks arnt everything right?

Just seen this bit. Wow

Smeggy1982 · 14/10/2021 17:41

I am not thinking about introducing him to my kids any time soon, but we are worried that someone will see us when we go out for dinner etc and think this was the reason for my leaving of childrens father,which it most certainly was not,i had been unhappy for well over 18 months and couldn't pluck up the courage to leave him and basically rip my family apart. It was certainly not a decision i took lightly

OP posts:
mrsevangelina · 14/10/2021 17:49

i am leagues above him,but he has a good heart and is very kind to me. Looks arnt everything right?

This is bloody awful OP.

sammylady37 · 14/10/2021 18:09

It’s been 8 weeks. He’s barely a boyfriend, not to mind a partner.

Tellmeee · 14/10/2021 18:11

Why are you with someone you believe you are ‘leagues above?’

And yes it does sound too soon.

Sparklesocks · 14/10/2021 18:18

@mrsevangelina

i am leagues above him,but he has a good heart and is very kind to me. Looks arnt everything right?

This is bloody awful OP.

Yes that’s a nasty comment, sounds like you don’t think much of him really.
MacMahon · 14/10/2021 18:20

You have twins?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/10/2021 18:20

i am leagues above him,but he has a good heart and is very kind to me. Looks arnt everything right?

This relationship has zero built right into from your attitude.

It's just a rebound.

You are moving way too fast and it sounds like you have no respect for him.

Suggest you try and appreciate being single for a while and focus on yourself and your kids.

HeartsAndClubs · 14/10/2021 18:24

i am leagues above him,but he has a good heart and is very kind to me. Looks arnt everything right? well as you say, looks don’t count, and given it’s what’s on the inside that counts I’d say he’s leagues above you. Hth.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/10/2021 18:25

You're not a child, your mother can't control your life. That being said, you are moving WAY too fast with this new man. It's madness.

ThinWomansBrain · 14/10/2021 18:26

You are "leagues above him" - he sounds more like a convenient shag than a partner.
With an attitude like yours, I really can't believe you're leagues above anything other than an earthworm.
Good luck with meeting someone that really deserves youHmm

honeygriff · 14/10/2021 18:30

My mother was not happy with my lovely DP when I first met him. However I'm sick of hearing how wonderful he is now! If he's good to you she'll come around.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 14/10/2021 18:32

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

i am leagues above him,but he has a good heart and is very kind to me. Looks arnt everything right?

This relationship has zero built right into from your attitude.

It's just a rebound.

You are moving way too fast and it sounds like you have no respect for him.

Suggest you try and appreciate being single for a while and focus on yourself and your kids.

I agree with this. Why are some people so desperate to jump into a new relationship?
IsabellesMissingSock · 14/10/2021 18:36

@mrsevangelina

i am leagues above him,but he has a good heart and is very kind to me. Looks arnt everything right?

This is bloody awful OP.

Indeed. OP, what do you mean? Please elaborate? Also, someone you've been shagging for a few weeks is not your boyfriend 🤨🤣
Smeggy1982 · 14/10/2021 19:07

That was maybe not the best choice of words to use....hes really not the kind i would normally go for.
We have known eachother for about 7 years,
And who says we have even slept together yet? Quick to jump to conclusions on here it seems 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
SnackSizeRaisin · 14/10/2021 19:21

It's too soon and a rebound. Your mum is probably right - you owe it to your children to try and work things out with their father. If that doesn't work then stay single for at least a year. I don't know what looks have to do with it. You don't sound very classy yourself

FrankButchersDickieBow · 14/10/2021 19:25

@MacMahon

You have twins?
I'm not sure anyone with twins has an uncomplicated life.

Everyone with twins on mumsnet have almost unbelievable dilemmas in their lives, that non-twin havers, (😁) just don't seem to encounter

cantgetmyheadroundit · 14/10/2021 19:28

Rather shallow, arent you? If he's got any sense he'll get rid of you.