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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New partner

54 replies

Smeggy1982 · 14/10/2021 17:10

Hello, looking for advice as to AIBU regarding new relationship
Long story short, i left the father of my children 4 months ago due to his past cheating,and also having nothing in common,not having sex,and being unhappy in the relationship for a long time.
We were together for 5 years, im 31 and he is 25
I did not want to talk things through or try to fix anything, i wanted out and made this clear.
He moved out of the home a week later.

I have had a friend for years who attended the same hobby club as me,and we got talking more outside of the club and started doing things in our own personal time,which then lead to alot more he is 36.
This has been going on for 8 weeks now and there is alot of chemistry,ive met his family and friends, things have escalated pretty quickly.
Im now terrified of telling my family about this new relationship,my mother is very against me leaving my children's father and getting into another relationship,she wanted me to work through things and fix the relationship,dosnt see why i would be interested in even dating when i have a perfectly good man there i could get back with etc, and assumes that i will be single for a long time.
We were going to wait until the new year to tell my mother, but she might still not be happy about it then?
What should i do?

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 14/10/2021 19:51

@Smeggy1982

That was maybe not the best choice of words to use....hes really not the kind i would normally go for. We have known eachother for about 7 years, And who says we have even slept together yet? Quick to jump to conclusions on here it seems 🤷‍♀️
Well you’re calling him your partner and saying things ‘escalated pretty quickly’ and going on about the great chemistry so it’s not a wild conclusion to reach, in fairness.
purpleme12 · 14/10/2021 19:54

Is this real?
I just can't believe anyone would say something like that if this was a true dilemma

UnsolicitedDickPic · 14/10/2021 19:58

🍿

BoredZelda · 14/10/2021 20:00

i am leagues above him

Nice. Probably best leave him be. He’s better off without you.

That was maybe not the best choice of words to use....hes really not the kind i would normally go for.

Nice try for a backtrack. You did mean it, though.

And who says we have even slept together yet? Quick to jump to conclusions on here it seems

Probably when you said which then lead to alot more he is 36.

But you knew that.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/10/2021 20:02

Well, it’s not up to your mum what you do, nor is it up to internet strangers.

On the other hand, you did ask…

It is extremely soon after your last relationship ended to even think about a new one, and eight weeks is very, very early days. Most people don’t really even use the word boyfriend at that stage, never mind partner. And it’s much to early for meeting family etc

Just take it really slowly and date, have fun etc try not to take it too seriously. Or just stay single for a bit. You have to find your identity as a single person first before you can date successfully.

The “leagues above” comment is very odd. Surely no one thinks like that? Makes me suspect a wind up tbh!

Dontknowwhatsnext · 14/10/2021 20:03

OK, so you have been dating 8 weeks and haven't slept together....yet you are stressing about introducing your family?

You think he is unattractive AND haven't slept with him? This isn't going to last. Not even sure why it started. I expect you were just flattered by his attention.

Its odd he has introduced you to so many people.

Fact is you started dating someone you already knew within weeks of ending a relationship. People will think you cheated.

You just have to decide how much you care about what others think.

PorkTheDork · 14/10/2021 20:04

"Smeggy".

"Partner" after 8 weeks.

"Twins".

"Leagues above him".

Right... 🙄

Dontknowwhatsnext · 14/10/2021 20:05

Its always twins!

jagoda · 14/10/2021 20:12

Putting aside all the peripheral issues, why are you so bothered about what your mother thinks?

You're an adult, right?

esloquehay · 14/10/2021 20:14

Riiiiiiiiiight.

Offmyfence · 14/10/2021 20:16

@Smeggy1982

I should add that my kids are 2 years old they are twins. Their father sees them once a week,his choice, i let him have as much time as he wanted but he is too busy 🙄 We are taking it slow, only see eachother when kids are with their dad or they are fast asleep. I think my new boyfriend thinks im maybe embarrassed by him as i havnt introduced him to any of my family yet, i am leagues above him,but he has a good heart and is very kind to me. Looks arnt everything right?
So shallow...
AveryGoodlay · 14/10/2021 20:17

I think my new boyfriend thinks im maybe embarrassed by him as i havnt introduced him to any of my family yet, I wouldn't regard someone as my boyfriend only 8 weeks in nevermind partner.

And who introduces someone they're seeing to the family at 8 weeks?! It all sounds very fast and a bit....weird?! Red flag for me if he's sensitive about not being introduced to family already. He'll be pushing to meet your children yet.

Please don't introduce your children to him yet. Too many people do and it isn't good safeguarding practice. I'm always wary of men pushing for things like this when they know the break up is new and you and your children will be vulnerable.

i am leagues above him,but he has a good heart and is very kind to me. Looks arnt everything right? If you think you're "leagues above" someone you shouldn't be with them. In fact, if you don't see all humans as equal rather than things which should be ranked/scored you're probably not nice and/or mature enough to date.

spotcheck · 14/10/2021 20:24

You've been separated for about 5 minutes
You've been with this guy for half that time
He wants you to introduce him to your family
You have him round when your kids are ' fast asleep' ( only a matter of time before they walk in on him/ he's there in the morning/ etc
And you think you are leagues above him.

Honestly. I can't imagine why your mum would be worried?

Babyg1995 · 14/10/2021 20:26

The op can move on any time she likes it's been 8 weeks not days she sees the guy when the kids are asleep. you were crazy to ask this on mumsnet though op .honestly get real life advice instead of total strangers on the Internet. It won't end well

AveryGoodlay · 14/10/2021 20:50

The OP can absolutely move on when she likes. However her children don't have a choice in the matter and their parents have a duty to safeguard them from any potential danger.

Twinning2021 · 14/10/2021 21:01

Her kids are 2.... they hardly know whats going on, plus he may not even stay the night? They could say have a Chinese and watch a good movie then he goes back home?

Dontknowwhatsnext · 14/10/2021 21:21

Of course op can move on when she wants. Not sure anyone is threatening to lock op in her house and not let her see her new boyfriend.

But she cares what other people think. She obviously is worried about what others will think about it all. Including about how he looks. If she wasn't worried she wouldn't post.

SheilaWilcox · 14/10/2021 21:30

Shag him, get it out of your system and then get on with sorting your life out.

NeverChange · 14/10/2021 21:57

You're a shallow single mum of two kids who describe yourself as leagues above him.

Perhaps your ex cheated and did want to sleep with you because of your superiority complex!

Yogawankonobi · 14/10/2021 22:31

I’m with your mum, probably best to stay single for a bit.

i am leagues above him,but he has a good heart and is very kind to me. Looks arnt everything right Wow

Kb2942 · 15/10/2021 06:13

You are an adult and can make your own decisions. Maybe it's too soon, maybe it's not. Sometimes the right person can just come along. I had a son with previous partner, relationship was doomed from the start, tried to make it work numerous times but I knew it wasn't going anywhere. When we finally split got good (long time coming), I met a new man about a month later - and we sre still together a decade later! But I wouldn't have called him a partner after such a short amount of time....

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 15/10/2021 06:27
  1. Be more firm with the ex over when he is responsible for parenting his twins. Or this will never change.
  2. I think my new boyfriend thinks im maybe embarrassed by him as i havnt introduced him to any of my family yet
This is a massive red flag that he expects to be introduced as a partner after 8 weeks. It is way too fast.
  1. I am leagues above him,but he has a good heart and is very kind to me you probably are, and so most certainly on the rebound.
  2. You do not have to go from a bad relationship to another in weeks. There cannot have been much time in between at all. Youre not making good decisions.
Northernsoullover · 15/10/2021 06:30

Twins 🙄. 8 weeks 🙄.

Duckypoohs · 15/10/2021 06:37

Always with the twins haha

DiamondBright · 15/10/2021 06:40

Absolutely crazy to even be dating this soon after a marriage break up in my opinion, never mind rushing into meeting family.