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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for the stocking back?

76 replies

FrankieDobie · 14/10/2021 14:15

I had a tradition with my kids when they were little that I got them a stocking for Christmas and filled it with pyjamas, socks, books and little bits like that. This was from Father Christmas. The main presents separate from the stocking were from me. My sons are now in their 20s but still get a stocking every Christmas.

I now want to start this tradition with my granddaughter - but I want to use the same stocking every year so WIBU to ask for it back after Christmas or will I look mean?

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 14/10/2021 16:15

Gc..not guys!

UnitedRoad · 14/10/2021 16:20

Doing my children’s stockings was my favourite thing (and my mum says it was hers when my brothers and I were little) so it stands to reason my daughters will want to do their own children’s.

However I have a plan. I’m going to do them little stockings at our house from Santa Claws (aka our cat) You could also do Santa Paws if you have a dog.

Make new traditions!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/10/2021 16:35

@FrankieDobie - I have to agree with the posters who say that doing the stockings is the parents’ job, not yours - but I can also understand you wanting to be part of making Christmas magical for your grandchild.

If I were you, I’d have a word with the parents and ask if there is something you could do - maybe you could get a lovely, re-usable Advent calendar (there are some pretty wooden or cloth ones), and give the parents a bag of sweets to put in it. Or perhaps you could buy your grandchild a new set of pyjamas and a special book for Christmas Eve.

TravelLost · 14/10/2021 16:42

@FrankieDobie

Wow glad I asked! I really didn’t see an issue but DH said I was overstepping the mark. I sometimes forget that she isn’t mine 😂 I’ll ask her mum what she thinks
Why are you asking their mum and not your ds?

I mean there isn’t anything wrong as such. I’m sure she will know. But surely your ds should just as well?

TravelLost · 14/10/2021 16:44

Btw I agree.

  • start a NEW tradition with your grand children.
  • agree with the parents if you do a stocking (and maybe avoid putting the same thing?)
  • in our family tradition, Santa was known to stop at many different houses for the same child! Never bothered my dcs in the slightest.
Original poster
FrankieDobie · 14/10/2021 16:46

I don’t have contact with my son. Long story.

OP posts:
Notgoodatchoosingnames · 14/10/2021 16:48

My DMIL does stockings for my kids and me and my husband, and we give them back each year. It's never done as though it's from Santa, it's from her and DFIL and it's just little treats she collects through the year. She loves doing it and (Most of) the things are useful/tasty. She never asked but not sure why she would, it's just something to put gifts in? As long as you're not trying to take over the Christmas day arrangements/presents then I don't see the issue.

londonrach · 14/10/2021 16:49

Don't parents do stockings....I'd be vvvvvvvvv upset if my mil or DM did my DD stocking. They had their turn with their DC. Talk to the parents....I didn't realise father Xmas gave more than one stocking

Original poster
FrankieDobie · 14/10/2021 16:51

I won’t see her on Christmas Day unfortunately. Maybe sending the stocking from Santa was a bit off so maybe just sent from grandma and grandad?

OP posts:
StormyTeacups · 14/10/2021 16:53

My mum does stockings for us and the kids, the kids know they are from her and not FC so there's no issue. The stockings go back to her every year.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 14/10/2021 16:54

A stocking from grandma and grandad would be lovely.

Dixiechickonhols · 14/10/2021 16:55

I like the advent calendar idea OP. You can get some lovely fabric or wood ones. Have a chat with the mum and say you’d like to do something each year for grandchild and see what she thinks.

Bimblybomeyelash · 14/10/2021 16:55

My Mum does stockings for my boys. To be honest I would rather she didn’t. I do a stocking for them from Father Christmas. And then she also does a stocking from
Father Christmas. It’s just more STUFF they don’t need, excess pant and socks and felt tips. And there has to be this ‘oh Father Christmas also left some Things at my House’ story that glows along with it. I’d so much rather she just got them one or two presents from her. But still, I bite my tongue because she enjoys it. And because she’s starts shopping for the presents in January and it seems rude to tell her straight after one Christmas ‘don’t get them a stocking next year please’. Anyway, long story short - she takes the stocking back every year and I don’t find that part a problem!

Bimblybomeyelash · 14/10/2021 17:01

But yes, I agree with the other posters that might be best to start a new grandma tradition. My MIL fills a lovely wooden advent calendar for my kids and they love that. My sister sends Christmas Eve parcel, with pjs and hot chocolate that is a much loved tradition for my kids.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 14/10/2021 17:02

My MIL suggested doing a stocking from FC at her house and I explained that my Mum wouldn't be doing one as growing up we didn't do stockings so it would be weird for FC to deliver to one Grandma's house but not the other.

Instead she just had a special stocking at her house that had small gifts in, no mention of FC just little gifts lovingly picked out by her over the year. PIL also did other presents but I knew that she and she alone was responsible for that stocking. It is one of the things I am most grateful for and miss so much as she is sadly no longer with us.

For your Granddaughter, I would get her a stocking or sack that is just hers. Definitely check first with the Mum to see what she would like.

KitchenKrisis · 14/10/2021 17:03

Get another stocking

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 14/10/2021 17:13

@FrankieDobie

I won’t see her on Christmas Day unfortunately. Maybe sending the stocking from Santa was a bit off so maybe just sent from grandma and grandad?
Yes! Perfect! Lots of little things to open, but from you. You can start a new tradition of something they always get in a stocking from you - a Lego minifigure, or something they can add to form a collection.

You might want to put it in a special box rather than a stocking though - their stocking is very special and gets left out for filling, when Father Christmas calls. Don’t let them think you can just go and buy one 😁

SmileyClare · 14/10/2021 17:14

@SoupDragon

The problem is that you want to do it "from Father Christmas" which would be stepping on the toes of the parents. If it was just from you then it would be fine I think.

I see you're going to ask first which is definitely the right way to go.

This is the issue. She doesn't need two stockings from father Christmas.

Why not just give her mum a few presents to add to the stocking? When mine were little and money was tight I really appreciated a few little presents from grandparents "for the stocking"

Peoniesandpeaches · 14/10/2021 17:15

Personally I wouldn’t do another stocking. If you really want to gift lots of small presents a sack or box would be better to differentiate it but you might find that 1 or 2 slightly larger presents would be appreciated more than lots of little things.

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 14/10/2021 17:16

You loved doing the stocking for your children

I love doing the stocking for my children

What on earth would make you think your children don’t want to do it for their children???

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 14/10/2021 17:17

@FrankieDobie

I won’t see her on Christmas Day unfortunately. Maybe sending the stocking from Santa was a bit off so maybe just sent from grandma and grandad?
Not a stocking fgs It’s meant to be from FC

Just send some presents

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 14/10/2021 17:18

@FrankieDobie

Wow glad I asked! I really didn’t see an issue but DH said I was overstepping the mark. I sometimes forget that she isn’t mine 😂 I’ll ask her mum what she thinks
That’s a worry Speaks volumes Chances that the mother has started a thread on mumsnet is…. High!
ABCeasyasdohrayme · 14/10/2021 17:30

I'm really sorry that the relationship between you and your son has broken down. That has to be really tough for you Flowers

Your granddaughter isn't a do-over though. Don't try and do the things parents do, do the things grandparents do.

Can you sew or knit or craft? Make her something special each year, or have a designated day to make a gingerbread house or bake or watch Christmas films etc

Cuddlyrottweiler · 14/10/2021 17:30

Yeah considering the situation. YABU. If it was a case of they come to your house and there's a stocking for DS, DDIL, DGC then that is lovely. I have just bought personalised stockings for us and our DS. I'd feel very overstepped if MIL or my mum sent a stocking "from santa" and wanted to take charge of it every year.

Choccyp1g · 14/10/2021 17:38

Given that your DS is not in the picture, it might be a good idea to do a stocking for your DIL.

Or start a new tradition of helping your Granddaughter choose a nice present for her mother.

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