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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for the stocking back?

76 replies

FrankieDobie · 14/10/2021 14:15

I had a tradition with my kids when they were little that I got them a stocking for Christmas and filled it with pyjamas, socks, books and little bits like that. This was from Father Christmas. The main presents separate from the stocking were from me. My sons are now in their 20s but still get a stocking every Christmas.

I now want to start this tradition with my granddaughter - but I want to use the same stocking every year so WIBU to ask for it back after Christmas or will I look mean?

OP posts:
MinaPop · 14/10/2021 14:44

I agree you have to check whether the parents want you to do the stocking. It's really their 'job'. If they do want to do it, how about you make a new tradition yourself? Like what about the whole Elf on the Shelf thing people do - you could have the Elf leave a fairy trail of presents, or a treasure hunt or similar?

Obvsnamechanger · 14/10/2021 14:46

Definitely ask. My DS stopped believing in Father Christmas because her paternal grandparents insisted on doing 'Santa' there own way and not talking to me to get the stories straight.

ShowOfHands · 14/10/2021 14:50

My MIL has made a little sack for each grandchild and fills them with a few small things each year. My children absolutely love it. How about that instead?

moofolk · 14/10/2021 14:51

My ex MIL did stockings for my kids once I was livid.

I didn't kick off with her, but obviously I had planned stockings for my kids because they are my kids.

I know it came from a well meaning place but came across as controlling, insensitive and more than a bit insulting; the implication being that she assumed my plans wouldn't be good enough.

SylvanasWindrunner · 14/10/2021 14:53

I think it's lovely. My mum does stockings for us all still (and I'm 35!) but I also do one for DD so she'll just have two. I doubt she'll complain Grin

RavenclawsRoar · 14/10/2021 14:54

MIL does stockings for my dc - doesn't bother me at all. I just pop the stockings back round at some point after Christmas.

SoupDragon · 14/10/2021 14:57

The problem is that you want to do it "from Father Christmas" which would be stepping on the toes of the parents. If it was just from you then it would be fine I think.

I see you're going to ask first which is definitely the right way to go.

Wheelz46 · 14/10/2021 15:06

Aww I think it's a lovely idea.

My MIL has some specially made sacks for my kids with their names on, that she tells them are from Santa. I love that she does this for them, definitely not overstepping in my opinion.

Peridot1 · 14/10/2021 15:09

Definitely ask.

If the parents are doing a stocking now about asking if you can start another tradition. Maybe a Christmas book. Or Christmas pjs.

We always had new clothes for Christmas and my maternal grandmother always bought us an outfit for Boxing Day.

Dixiechickonhols · 14/10/2021 15:13

sweenytodd yes I see on social media 3 or 4 matching stockings lined up - mummy, daddy, child - usually initialled etc - to match tree and decor. If Granny turns up with a pink one it will stand out and be a duplicate.

PrincessPeachh · 14/10/2021 15:35

People get really worked up over stockings! My mum used to do one for my son and not once did I think she was overstepping. That’s crazy. It’s just a stocking of presents. She didn’t even ask permission, I’d have probably thought she was daft if she asked my permission. My son never questioned about having more than one stocking. Exmil used to do one occasionally, not every year, and that didn’t bother me either. It’s nice seeing the family excited to give him gifts and make up a stocking for him. My mum is no longer here but if she was she’d still be doing it now.

Anonymice1 · 14/10/2021 15:38

This is a tradition for the parents, I love my parents dearly but I would not want them to intervene with the stocking tradition and I also hope they wouldn’t ask so I’d have to say no. Children don’t need more than one stocking.

Anonymice1 · 14/10/2021 15:40

When our children were little and we got a dog my mum made a tiny stocking for the dog with her name on it to put next to ours. That was fine. 😂

Stompythedinosaur · 14/10/2021 15:40

Definitely don't buy presents from santa without the parents agreement - presumably her parents will already be doing a stocking.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 14/10/2021 15:43

This isn’t an unusual tradition… it’s one most parents do with their children. We do a stocking from Father Christmas for ours, as do all the other parents I know.
I’d be more than happy for any of my children’s grandparents to do a stocking for them, but it would sit alongside the one I already do.

florentina1 · 14/10/2021 15:45

I agree with those who say let the parents do the stocking. If you ask she might be too embarrassed to say no.

Children do not need more than one stocking, especially if the believe it comes from Santa.

Aprilx · 14/10/2021 15:50

@FrankieDobie

Wow glad I asked! I really didn’t see an issue but DH said I was overstepping the mark. I sometimes forget that she isn’t mine 😂 I’ll ask her mum what she thinks
Why are you asking her mum and not her father (your son). I think you are putting a daughter in law on the spot and you will get the honest answer from your son.
Derbee · 14/10/2021 15:52

My parents do stockings for all of us adult children and partners, and grandchildren. We all add things to the stockings, but I don’t think it’s overstepping to do stockings for GC if the parents are happy with it.

3scape · 14/10/2021 15:53

So weird. Not the job of a grandparent. Try a different tradition that doesn't overstep the boundaries or is unsustainable.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 14/10/2021 15:54

I think it would be better to start a new tradition with your grandchild.

You did a tradition with your dc that almost all parents do, and I assume her parents will want to do her Stocking too.

You had your time doing all that, its their turn now.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 14/10/2021 15:54

In terms of practicality though… ‘normal’ practice is that a child hangs their stocking up for Father Christmas before they go to bed on Christmas Eve, and by the morning it’s full, isn’t it?

sofakingcool · 14/10/2021 15:58

@Derbee

My parents do stockings for all of us adult children and partners, and grandchildren. We all add things to the stockings, but I don’t think it’s overstepping to do stockings for GC if the parents are happy with it.
I agree, it's not overstepping it as long as the parents are happy with it

My parents have always overstepped a bit, they almost treat my DS's like their 2nd attempt at parenthood. I've made comments, but it doesn't stop them. I wouldn't mind so much, but they have a huge opinion over what we buy our children, but then they buy them even more HmmConfused!

Member984815 · 14/10/2021 16:02

Not unreasonable but I would ask the parents if they wouldn't mind you having this tradition , as they may want to start their own tradition as a family

LondonJax · 14/10/2021 16:04

I agree that it's not over stepping if the parents agree. But do check with them first. They may be parents who prefer to have stockings from Santa or presents from Santa or a mixture of both. Or not at all. They may be of the opinion of enjoy Christmas but tell the truth.

On a personal note, my parents did us Christmas stockings until we were in relationships. Then we did them for our partners then for our own kids. But when dad died mum would get a stocking every year from whoever she spent Christmas with and, when she went into a nursing home, had one there every year until she died. She'd done her hard work - our turn now.

junebirthdaygirl · 14/10/2021 16:15

As you said your guys parents aren't together is your ds with you for Christmas and does gc come over for part of the day? Then maybe your ds would like to do a stocking in your house as well as the one at her mom's.
9tgerwise as a Grandma l would leave this to the parents including getting the pyjamas etc and plan different traditions eg baking with your gc or bringing them to see the lights in town.