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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse to go to Christmas Party?

69 replies

WhatIsThisPlease · 14/10/2021 08:18

Our works Christmas party has been arranged for the 17th December. It's in a hotel, lots of companies all mixing together.

I've told my boss I don't want to go as it's so close to Christmas, if I get Covid there I'll I've to self-isolate for the whole of Christmas.

Both sets of parents (in their 70s) are coming to me so if I am self-isolating I'll have to cancel the day and they'll be left at home on their own. Added to that I won't be allowed out of the house in the run up to Christmas so no last minute shopping, no supermarket food shop etc.

Boss isn't happy but I think this is terrible planning. I just don't want to risk Christmas with my family for the sake of one night out with work colleagues. AIBU?

OP posts:
godmum56 · 14/10/2021 11:13

Never in the whole of my working life did i ever attend not in paid hours works christmas functions for my job. Always a polite refusal always declined to comment further. We used to go to my DH's sometimes because they were posher and fun but once that changed to noisy piss ups we started declining those as well even though, for DH as senior management, they were "supposed" to be mandatory. "No thanks" is a complete sentence and further questioning at to why was just politely ignored. As is often said "Act as if the rules don't apply to you and its amazing how many time you will find that they don't"

HoppSuisse · 14/10/2021 11:21

I'll be flying on 17th Dec in order to spend Christmas with family, which in terms of risk and mixing with people, is a lot worse I think than a Christmas party. But I'm not missing another Christmas with my family, we are all vaccinated so I'm prepared to risk it. I would not be prepared to risk it for a Christmas party though. I did go to a work dinner this week, with 18 people - but if I get sick from that, I'll just wfh for two weeks, it's not a big deal. Missing a family Christmas again would be a HUGE deal.

For your boss, if he's insisting on a reason, just tell him you already have family commitments - you don't need to say any more than that (you don't even need to say that much, but it might be easier to say something than nothing).

SpiderinaWingMirror · 14/10/2021 11:35

Of course yanbu.
Boss needs to get over himself.i have had various bosses who think not going is ungrateful and not being a team player. What a load of 1990s management bollocks that is!
With my team pre covid, I always said, if you don't want to come just say.id rather that than the Co forking out and then there being no shows.

yacketyyak · 14/10/2021 12:00

Pre covid I wouldn't be caught dead at a Christmas party. Ain't gonna change that post covid!

YessicaHaircut · 14/10/2021 12:15

YANBU at all. Ours is also on the 17th and like you I’m not prepared to risk it that close to Christmas. My family are more important. Plus I hate work parties anyway so glad to have an excuse to give it a swerve!

TheKeatingFive · 14/10/2021 12:18

Don't go if you don't want to. I don't see the problem.

IcetSUV · 14/10/2021 12:56

Your mistake was telling him why you wouldn't go. If you'd just said you had an unmoveable family event he'd have had to lump it.

TheKeatingFive · 14/10/2021 12:58

You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you're not going to a Christmas do. They aren't compulsory.

Crunchymum · 14/10/2021 13:03

Ive got a gathering planned on 18th December (6 of us, posh pub, all from different households) and didn't give it a second thought.

However if my company arrange anything locally unlikely to be the usual multi office / multi region / blacktie / posh hotel do I'll be using the excuse of wanting to avoid Covid before Xmas for my non attendance Grin

LagneyandCasey · 14/10/2021 13:30

Yanbu. Dds company had a 'welcome back to the office' party just under two weeks ago, actually I the workplace which isn't that large or well ventilated. There was lots of drinking, dancing and hugging. Dd doesn't drink and felt uncomfortable. A few are now isolating with covid, one colleague's husband is in hospital with it and another's 18 year old daughter is very poorly. I understand people want to get back to normal but there still needs to be some common sense and social distancing.

emmathedilemma · 14/10/2021 13:35

I just can't buy into the logic of having a Christmas party when in the office we're still sitting at spaced out reduced capacity desks, wearing masks to walk around the building, got doors propped open to reduce touch points and only allowed one person in the kitchen at a time but hey let's all go to the pub and get pissed together...... Confused

AlternativePerspective · 14/10/2021 13:35

My mum never used to go to the work’s Christmas party. Didn’t do secret Santa either. She said the interesting thing was that when she said at the time she wouldn’t go people used to say “aww you should be there,” etc, and then from about a week before it was due they themselves would be saying they wished they’d never agreed to go, couldn’t be bothered etc.

My DP is on annual leave on the day of his work’s Christmas party and he will be here with me. They have actually said that they expect him to go back to where he works for the night so he can attend. Hmm

notacooldad · 14/10/2021 13:37

Our Christmas party is in work hours.
I'm not over the moon about it!

fruckkkit · 14/10/2021 13:41

@TheKeatingFive

You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you're not going to a Christmas do. They aren't compulsory.
I agree, however where I work you are seen as a party pooper if you don't attend social events, and quite often there is a lot of pressure to go from senior management, and 'awwww why aren't you coming' peer pressure. I'm of an age / in a career position now where I'm quite happy to be seen as an unsociable old bat but it's a really tricky line to walk if you need to be thought of as a team player / joiner inner in order to progress at work .

Years ago I had a previous role where I was relatively senior, and was pulled aside and told it had been noticed that I never attended Friday night drinks, and that I needed to start going if I wanted to progress further. I still never went, and I know it marked my card for me with a few of the directors.

coconutpie · 14/10/2021 16:29

YANBU. Christmas work parties during covid? No thank you.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 14/10/2021 17:14

@NandJ

Complete and utter lunacy to hold parties during Covid, especially those where each attendee comes from a different household bubble.

Stick it to them, OP.

‘During covid’? So… for the rest of time, then?
ILiedAboutBeingTheOutdoorType · 14/10/2021 17:49

YANBU but I would probably have made something up about it clashing with a family birthday/going to theatre that evening or something to avoid interrogation

ThePoisonousMushroom · 14/10/2021 17:58

You don’t have to refuse to go, that sounds very dramatic. You can just decline.

DelphiniumBlue · 14/10/2021 18:11

I am now over 60 and have worked all my life. But I haven't been to a work Christmas party that was actually fun since about 1985. They are, in my experience, dreary events where you are stuck with people who are not your friends, and it turns out there is a reason you don't normally socialise with them. Anyone from who work who is already a friend is someone you would go out for a drink with at Christmas anyway.
I's say avoid it like the plague. I am never going to go on one again.

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