AIBU - crap gifts?

[Stresssssedout]

Need someone to tell me to give my head a wobble because I know I’m probably over reacting by being upset. My birthday is next week and DP has been asking me for a while what I’d like. There’s nothing really in particular but I told him a few things I thought were nice and told him one thing I definitely did not want.

I told him this because I’ve mentioned in passing it was nice and was worried he would buy it me. I didn’t say this because of the price or anything I just don’t want it. He was just showing me a screenshot of something on his phone and I swiped back and it was a screenshot of the order number for the thing I told him not to buy me. I’m just feeling like he’s just not bothered listening to me here at all. He’s only just bought it as well so this was after I told him I didn’t want it. I know I should feel grateful for any gift it just feels like a cop out. I haven’t told him I saw the screenshot.

Is the item expensive?
He may have thought you said you didn't want it as you thought it was too much for him to spend but really you would love it?

I would actually say to him 'I'm so glad I remembered to tell you I really don't want X for my birthday, I nearly forgot to say so,' so he has time to send it back.

Not particularly expensive no- about 1/2 of what we’d usually spend on each other. I even said to him “I know I said that’s nice but please don’t actually buy it me because I would hate to own it for x reasons”.

He’s bought it from a seller on eBay too so I don’t think he can even send it back?!

He's just tuned in to the thing and missed the don't want bit...never name the not wanted thing, birthday list rules 101.

My DH would be the same, he would just tune in to the one thing and not listen to the rest. It's a good job you think it's nice because it looks like you're lumbered with it.

One boyfriend actually bought me a Dyson for Christmas, following my exact words:

"Oh our Hoover's just broken. I'll have a look for a Dyson. And not for Christmas, before you think that's my present sorted"

He should listen - it's not a reasonable excuse to say he's just heard the name of the thing and tuned out the rest of what you said. It's not setting the bar especially high to expect a partner to actually pay attention.

When you get the present you tell him . That this isnt what you wanted and you told him so. You dont make a big deal. But you just say that.
And then leave it at that . If he cant return that is his problem.

Or.... you should have spoken up when you saw the photo of the thing and said hey i told you i didnt want it.

Or. You accept his gift when he gives it to you and sell it. Or donate it.

The fact he didn't listen is frustrating and i would be annoyed and potentially be hurt by his inconsideration

I really hope he hasn't bought it for someone else, as in Emma Thomson/Alan Rickman in.Love Actually ;)

Sorry, I shouldn't have posted that. Was a (crap!) joke.

Stick it back on Ebay! Buy what you really.

@Aderyn21

He should listen - it's not a reasonable excuse to say he's just heard the name of the thing and tuned out the rest of what you said. It's not setting the bar especially high to expect a partner to actually pay attention.

This with fucking bows on.

I hate this "aw bless the silly 'ickle menz and their inability to hear a full sentence! They can't help it!"

It's my birthday tomorrow. DH is quite worried that I've asked him to postpone my present for a few months. He knows I want a greenhouse but I've asked him not to buy it yet. It will be empty until next year and in the bad winter weather, will be ruined (blown away likely) by the time I am able to start using it. He has made sure that he has been shopping for small stuff (and ordering flowers if I'm guessing correctly) so I will have something physical to have in my hands on my birthday. Because he actually gives a shit and does take the time to listen to me and he also knows what I like.

If he is anything like my DH it’s always the thing I don’t want that sticks in his head . For example last present I like any colour but they yellow so guess what colour I got or get me any wine apart from stowels - always came back with it. Now wonder if it’s passive aggression lol

Don't these men have jobs? Surely you need some level of cognitive ability to remain in employment?

He should listen - it's not a reasonable excuse to say he's just heard the name of the thing and tuned out the rest of what you said. It's not setting the bar especially high to expect a partner to actually pay attention.

This with fucking bows on.

I hate this "aw bless the silly 'ickle menz and their inability to hear a full sentence! They can't help it!”

100% this.

It’s just laziness.
Tell him to cancel the order because you don’t want it, you specifically told him you didn’t want it, and he’s wasting money buying it.

It was my birthday last week. DP asked for idea, I gave him a few; and he chose brilliant gifts.
It’s not hard, even if you are someone that finds gift shopping difficult, when someone gives you ideas they are taking all of the hard work out of it.

It’s pure laziness to fuck it up.

@GoWalkabout

He's just tuned in to the thing and missed the don't want bit...never name the not wanted thing, birthday list rules 101.

This. Its a psychological fact -like when someone says don't panic and everybody panics

I did exactly the same thing to my mum once. She mentioned she would love a certain smelly product. What I failed to hear was '...but I'm allergic'

Luckily I kept the receipt!

Don't be saddened OP. Have a laugh about it and tell him that you love the thought but you'd like something else, can you return/swap.

@Stresssssedout

Not particularly expensive no- about 1/2 of what we’d usually spend on each other. I even said to him “I know I said that’s nice but please don’t actually buy it me because I would hate to own it for x reasons”.

He’s bought it from a seller on eBay too so I don’t think he can even send it back?!

Thank him for the gift, leave it in a cupboard for a while then re-sell it on ebay

Quite frankly I would ask why he has bought something you specifically told him you DIDN'T want. He clearly has given no thought to OP's feelings so why should she be the "be kind" conditioned female, feign happiness and quietly get rid of it later?

@Flowiththego

I really hope he hasn't bought it for someone else, as in Emma Thomson/Alan Rickman in.Love Actually ;)

Lol I’m almost certain he didn’t but I’ll report back next week I’m debating bringing it up to him but I need to calm down because I’ve wound myself up and if we end up rowing he’ll think I’m being a brat. It’s not about the present, it’s the lack of thought and I need to convey that properly if I bring it up.

I did have a look at previously sold for the item on eBay and it’s one of two that I’ve seen. Neither were sold by a business though so no chance of returning it.

Am I the only one wondering what the present is?

When you open the present say "Why did you buy me the thing I specifically told you not to?"
Then don't say anything see what he says.
Then tell him you don't want it.

Is he otherwise thoughtful and kind? My abusive ex would intentionally buy gifts i'd said i didn't like/want, but that would seem really thoughtful to outsiders.
For example, i had mentioned many times i hated my birthstone and didn't want jewellery of it. He got me a childrens sized birthstone necklace for christmas, and it was broken! He didn't even wait for confirmation i'd opened it on christmas morning, before saying "i got it because it's your birthstone".
Another time was when i'd been really disappointed by a videogame from my favourite franchise that was a bit of a spin off, i played it once, hated it and never took it out of the box again. Told him it was awful and disappointing and i definitely did not want the sequel. Guess what i got that year for my birthday?
Third time, he bought us custom necklaces that had our names and nicknames on, they joined together to form a heart, and came needing you to bend and break the metal yourself to separate them. Only he told me he didn't want them to be split and his half sending back, so it was a useless bit of metal sat in a box.
Nothing tops my 21st though. For his 21st i gave him £100, and we weren't even dating then but just friends. For my 21st 3 years later (and "engaged") i got..... a card with barely anything written in it, and the £1 price sticker still on it. It was 4 months after my mums death and had a whole family meal to celebrate, and i got asked loudly what he had gotten me, and had to tell the truth. It was majorly embarrassing and when i brought it up with him i got a mouthful of abuse that a card "should be enough" and it was "the sentiment that counts". This just 3 months after he "borrowed" £300 from me and later announced he was having it as his birthday present off me, despite my not agreeing.

That is horrid op.
Men !, dh tried to buy me x for my birthday last week but he got adult dd to buy online. It was something I wanted, but they both never realized American sizes are different. This was the wrong size and my size is not available. He had got dd to have specific flowers from a specific florist. But to be honest I felt like bashing him over the head with them .
So it can be so disappointing op. Have a cry as it will help .and happy birthday in advance.

Because it’s a whole week away I think I’d be honest and say look I saw the confirmation of the order of my birthday present and it’s the thing I told you I didn’t want, why? I’d feel disappointed with this.