Who is bu

[CountingMyChickens21]

DC is 15 months old.

I'll try and keep this as brief and neutral as possible.

Parent 1 does not want DC to be left with parent 2's sister and partner mostly because they don't agree with their parenting style regarding things such as discipline. Although there has never been cause for concern with their DC, neither have done anything wrong but wants their sister to be able to look after DC.

Parent 2 agrees that they have different parenting styles from their sister and partner but is willing to let both sisters look after DC if they ask, but if there's anything that raises concern to stop any outings. Parent 2 has said if Parent 1 is not willing to let their sister look after DC then they will support this, although they disagree but will not allow either sister to look after DC.

Who is bu here?

Both being unreasonable

Is it things like letting them bounce on a sofa, or things like smacking?

Would it be OK if parents said : if you take DC out, please will you agree to:

• not smack
• no ice creams
• hold hands when walking along busy roads

I don't see why any aunt 'needs' to take a DC out without its parents at that age anyway.

Why would the dc be being left alone with the aunties anyway?

It very much depends on what type of issues we're dealing with here. Not enough information.

Seems unreasonable to say that DC can’t be left with the ‘good’ auntie because ‘we’ve agreed not to leave them with any aunties’… it’s stupid logic. Leave your children with who you feel comfortable with.

It's a bit unfair to allow one Aunt unsupervised access and not the other unless their are major concerns about the welfare of your dc.
A different parenting style shouldn't be too much of an issue unless they are looking after them a lot.
Therefore I think parent 1 is being the most unreasonable.
Parent 2 sounds hurt so is playing tit-for-tat.

just look after your own kid? nobody needs to be 'left alone' with said kid then?

If both parents agree in principle to someone looking after a child, that person should be able to look after the child. It shouldn't hinge on another person also being deemed capable to look after the child.

Re the other sister. It depends on the issues. TV time/sweets/junk food people need to let it go.
Safety, allergies, smacking, shouting - no she shouldn't be left alone with the child. Especially with a toddler who can't say if bad things happen.
But the decisions need to be separate from each other.

It really really depends what the specifics of these 'parenting styles' are and whether the aunties are people who would respect the parents different style and stick to it or would carry on with their own style

Not enough info and what does your vote mean? Is yabu for parent 1 and yanbu for parent 2 or vice versa?

Post is to vague but it reads like I want my sister to look after DC but not my DS’s sister. I see this often with my friends where they view the parenting style they grew up with as normal (and their sister is similar due to common upbringing) but their partners parents parenting style as “wrong”. I reacted this way myself inside but we agreed that we would trust each other’s family and that had worked out fine. Leaving them with my FIL filled me with terror as I did not know him as well as my parents and he always seemed a little less concerned but now they have a wonderful relationship with him and he has become the most involved grandparent which has been brilliant

The vote is meaningless because we don't know if you're parent 1 or parent 2.

Assuming we're talking about the odd occasion, I think parent 1 is BU. It doesn't really matter about small parenting differences and it's not fair to treat the aunts differently.

If you're talking about regular childcare, my response would be different.

Can you be more specific?

Not letting the better aunt care for the baby is nonsensical. If you’re lucky enough to have several people offering free childcare, that you want to take up, you don’t cut your nose off to spite your face.

And with such a young child you don’t wait for your concerns to come to pass in the interests of perceived fairness. Babies are people, not play things for people to have a go with.

You’re clearly parent 1.

But until you give us more details, or confirm which parent you actually are - how can people vote…?

Is there any reason why either sister needs to have unsupervised access to DC? Were you planning to use them as childcare? It obviously wouldn't be appropriate to employ anyone as a childminder if either parent doesn't agree with their parenting methods

If you are just talking about meeting up for family gatherings etc then surely one or other parent will be around anyway so the access wouldn't be unsupervised??

So I'm parent 2.

To give more context my sister and BIL use time outs for their children and are just generally stricter than us, but they have never been strict with our child and I don't think they would be. No shouting or smacking. So I'm of the mindset that whilst our approaches are different, there is no need to say no. Both aunts want to take DC out, this would be the odd day out here and there, no childcare arrangement.

@CountingMyChickens21

So I'm parent 2.

To give more context my sister and BIL use time outs for their children and are just generally stricter than us, but they have never been strict with our child and I don't think they would be. No shouting or smacking. So I'm of the mindset that whilst our approaches are different, there is no need to say no. Both aunts want to take DC out, this would be the odd day out here and there, no childcare arrangement.

Parent 1 is being v unreasonable if that's all the difference is. It's good for your child to be exposed to different people, have different relationships, and have different experiences.

What’s wrong with time outs? They don’t sound strict at all to be honest.

YABU for making it so confusing and vague! Even with your update I'm still confused. Is there one sister or two? And do you consider giving time outs overly strict?

I think you are both being unreasonable and neither are thinking of your child.

Not being allowed to different parenting styles is not going to help your child later on. So that is UR

Then you have come along with a tit for tat situation. Also UR

If dc goes to a school/nursery setting that uses time outs are they going to home educate?

So your DH doesn’t want to leave your DC with your sister? Is that right….?

Safety concerns aside, it’s important to realise that your child will have its own relationship with the world and people in it. Looking after it taking a child out does not equate to replicating the parental relationship and following a set behavior that a parent would. In fact it’s damaging to a child to try and ‘mimic’ that. Or of parents to expect that.
The child needs to learn about different people and family members are the first port of call to find that people are different.

It was impossible to vote until we knew which parent you were. I think that's why you have so many YABU.

Time outs are not unreasonably strict, not my style but if it works for them. Will you just let your dc just do whatever they want without any consequences? I doubt they'd do time out with your child anyway, it would be a very difficult thing to do with someone else's child that is not accustomed to it and at 15 months would be ridiculous. I think both sisters should spend time with the child, the more people they have love from and bond with the better but your lo is very little so why not have them spend time with you there too until they are a bit older.