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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being diagnosed with ADHD as an adult

47 replies

Teacupsandtoast · 12/10/2021 23:22

Possibly BU to use AIBU for traffic, but what made you finally seek diagnosis for adhd as an adult? I'm still trying to pluck up the courage/procrastinating about doing an e consult/phoning the doctor! The more I read, the more I realise nearly every aspect of my life has occurred due to what I suspect is adhd - good and bad!

OP posts:
Winecheesesleep · 12/10/2021 23:32

I've been referred by my GP but procrastinated for ages making the appointment (it went really well by the way, they were really supportive).

So I started considering it when my son was diagnosed and since being aware of the possibility I've started seeing how much of my work I think it's impacting and how much stress that causes me. I always thought I'm uniquely lazy although I've done well in my career really. I've been feeling like perhaps I can't handle my current job but I thought I'd finally talk to the GP in case there's a reason I struggle so much.

Following How to ADHD and Dani Donavan on twitter helped me understand adhd in women better also.

nanbread · 12/10/2021 23:45

Similar to above - DC was diagnosed, and I started to question my own issues. Am I just chronically lazy, disorganised, overemotional, or could there be more to it? I also think it's getting worse with age?

Currently on waiting list.

Teacupsandtoast · 13/10/2021 07:57

I hadn't come across Dani Donavon before....lost an hour watching reels there 🙄 my kids are on October break now but hopefully having to wait to get a phone consultation will push me past the procrastinating phase!

OP posts:
FellInLoveWithABanana · 13/10/2021 07:59

My question is…what would a diagnosis change in my life? I’m certain I have ADHD but there are the traits of ADHD that make it difficult to even ring the doctors and I wonder what a diagnosis would actually change?

Teacupsandtoast · 13/10/2021 08:10

@FellInLoveWithABanana

My question is…what would a diagnosis change in my life? I’m certain I have ADHD but there are the traits of ADHD that make it difficult to even ring the doctors and I wonder what a diagnosis would actually change?
I suppose for me I'm hoping that medication will make things a little easier? I'm run a business and have a full and varied life but it's bloody hard work and my brain definitely doesn't help me - I'd like to not be leaving everything to the very last second work wise for a start
OP posts:
Siameasy · 13/10/2021 09:04

@FellInLoveWithABanana

My question is…what would a diagnosis change in my life? I’m certain I have ADHD but there are the traits of ADHD that make it difficult to even ring the doctors and I wonder what a diagnosis would actually change?
I’m the same as I hate phone calls and have procrastinated for YEARS about seeking a diagnosis but I suspect it could provide closure and understanding. Maybe I’d forgive myself for being crap at certain things others appear to sail through.
Arabelladrinkstea · 13/10/2021 09:07

I too suspect I have ADHD but have thought what would diagnosis sort out as I don’t want medication.
However I would love tips, tools and techniques if anyone can recommend some?

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 13/10/2021 09:08

I was diagnosed recently. I found that medication didn't make an enormous difference; I get much the same effect from a cup of coffee. Maybe the dosage just isn't right? But I do find that knowing I have it makes a huge difference in how I feel about myself. I feel much less guilt about my 'wasted potential' (according to my parents, anyway!).

mikedyson · 13/10/2021 09:28

What made me seek a diagnosis was realising I seem to be a classic case.
I got hounded out of a previous job I wanted to keep due to having ADHD and it had a profound effect.
I am not sure if I'd ever disclose it at work - but I suppose I wanted reassurance.
I can't find medication that helps and I still lurch between being militantly angry at being labelled different and hating myself for not fitting in.
Every job Ad I see that talks about "ability to manage multiple tasks with conflicting priorities and high level of ambiguity" (which seems to be anything I could apply for seems like a personal slight - could there be any job I am less suited to? Why do they put this in job ads?

StuntEgg · 13/10/2021 11:54

I was diagnosed 10 years ago but it took me a long time to take that step.

I thought my DC might have ADHD and it was researching their symptoms that made me realise I had all of them too. But I didn't think I had it straight away, I just assumed DC didn't have it, they just had the misfortune to inherit my bad habits. But further research led me to adult ADHD, and the penny slowly dropped.

Still took me a couple more years to do something about it as it felt like I was looking for an excuse for being such as crap human being. Glad I did though, as I now no longer beat myself up for being a crap human, I know there is a reason why I am the way I am, and that does provide some comfort.

I have tried three different medications, none of which worked for me so it's not necessarily the answer or everyone. My clinic didn't offer coping techniques, just pills, so I'm still muddling along like I always did, but having the knowledge of what you are dealing with really does make a difference. You accept what you can't do, and make the best of what you can.

scarpa · 13/10/2021 12:30

I was diagnosed a few years ago and while (luckily) I tolerate the meds well and they make a big difference, the biggest improvement for me is - as a PP has mentioned - how I feel about myself.

I know now why I'm motivated in the way I am, or when something isn't motivating me - folding a mountain of washing that's been there 4 days because it causes a weird executive dysfunction error code in my head - I know now that adding some form of dopamine to the mix (in the case of my washing folding, Youtube or a podcast while I do it) works for me.

I know that the lists and post-its stuck on doors and calendars I've spent my entire life desperately hoping will fix me only to be abandoned later are non-negotiable tools I need to manage the issues with forgetting and organisation. Instead of being angry at myself that I've stopped using the beautiful Papier diary that was amazingly effective for 3 months and then giving up trying to be organised at all, I acknowledge my brain needs a new way to be stimulated and switch back to a little whiteboard in the kitchen, or phone alarms, or whatever, until that stops working.

Instead of "I should write things down because I'm a forgetful idiot" and then getting frustrated at myself, it's "I need to give myself tools to manage, write everything in this battered notebook you taken everywhere". Instead of "I hate socialising" it's "I like socialising when there aren't too many sensory inputs at once", and I have a happier relationship with how I spend time with other people. Instead of "I can never finish anything and I sit here for 5 hours staring at my laptop and just fail to do it anyway" I know the longer I sit at my laptop staring the worse it is, so I go and do something dopamine-giving instead and then break tasks into small, easily-ticked-off-for-the-tiny-reward-thrill blocks.

Understand how your mental reward/motivation system works and work with it: you'll feel far less of a failure for not being able to use one conventional method, and more able to move with your brain.

ILoveYouMoreTheEnd · 13/10/2021 12:41

I've always wondered this about myself too. I've recently been diagnosed with quiet BPD and the symptoms are similar with certain ones.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 13/10/2021 12:58

I took meds for the first time today. It's 7am and I want to get up and do stuff.

So that's interesting.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 13/10/2021 13:00

Love your post Scarpa. One of the most useful things about my kids' diagnoses was that we all became much more accepting that they can't do things. It's not that they aren't trying hard enough.

Having that empathy for ourselves is also vital.

Anothermother3 · 13/10/2021 14:28

After much procrastination I’m awaiting assessment I do want to see if meds help other than that I know I fit the criteria. Maybe I want to be validated.

TheAirbender · 13/10/2021 14:37

You could get medicated! Which has tranformed my life

Marelle · 13/10/2021 14:40

I’ve been wanting to seek diagnosis for ages. At the very least it would entitle me to have reasonable adjustments made at work and prevent them discriminating against me. If you don’t have an officially diagnosed disability then you can’t complain when they discriminate against you for it! I haven’t pursued it though - the NHS doesn’t even care about my physical health so I can’t see them giving a shit about my mental health.

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 13/10/2021 14:44

what made you finally seek diagnosis for adhd as an adult?

I wanted to see if stimulants would make me more functional, and without an ADHD diagnosis, my psychiatrist wouldn't let me have them. Just that, really.

TReXX · 13/10/2021 14:45

I've been referred for an assessment. It involved filling out a form and the doctor checking whether I meet the threshold before submitting it. They said it could be a year or more before I'm assessed though.

I'm not sure about medication, does it really help? I'm wary of anything that messes with my brain after a terrible experience on antidepressants.

I'd quite like some counselling though.

For me I think a diagnosis would help me feel less of a shit useless failure of a human. Maybe.

Winecheesesleep · 13/10/2021 14:55

@ClumpingBambooIsALie how helpful has the medication been?

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 13/10/2021 20:52

I'm not sure about medication, does it really help? I'm wary of anything that messes with my brain after a terrible experience on antidepressants.

As with most meds, it's a very personal experience. My son could not survive normal day to day school and work without meds, but with them he's maintaining a high average at school and also holding down a job working 15 hours a week.

My daughter can survive but she achieves so much more with meds, and hates herself so much less.

I just started on them today and I can't believe quite how clear and focused my brain has been, or how easy I've found it to get started on things, or how much I've achieved that I've been putting off forever.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience on anti-depressants. Please try to find a good counsellor if you can. Hopefully that will help.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 13/10/2021 20:56

Every job Ad I see that talks about "ability to manage multiple tasks with conflicting priorities and high level of ambiguity" (which seems to be anything I could apply for seems like a personal slight - could there be any job I am less suited to? Why do they put this in job ads?

Whenever I see the word 'juggles' in a job ad I know it's not for me :-D

I actually work as a freelancer, and each morning I think to myself "Who shall I disappoint today?"

JollyHostess · 13/10/2021 21:30

@FellInLoveWithABanana

My question is…what would a diagnosis change in my life? I’m certain I have ADHD but there are the traits of ADHD that make it difficult to even ring the doctors and I wonder what a diagnosis would actually change?
It has made a big difference for me.

Having a diagnosis at 53 made everything fall into place like a giant puzzle. It has helped me understand myself and why my life has taken certain paths.

It also meant I could try out various meds to improve day today day life and get funding for some work coaching which was amazing. Plus now I can ask for reasonable adjustments at work.

Asleanna · 13/10/2021 21:46

I suspect I may have ADHD. I can't believe I'm saying this but a tik tok video made me realise! Obviously since the tik tok I've done a LOT of research and I'm almost certain I have it. I don't think I want medication really and may seek ways to try and control it naturally but tbh I've made it to late 20s with a messy life, I've kind of just gotten used to it!

Echofallen · 13/10/2021 21:47

I think I might have it too, apart from googling stuff online and laughing as I recognise myself I haven't done anything about it yet. But the medication seems very expensive, couple of hundred £ a month?! It would be good to be rid of the brain fog and be able to focus/achieve more though.