Being diagnosed with ADHD as an adult

[Teacupsandtoast]

Possibly BU to use AIBU for traffic, but what made you finally seek diagnosis for adhd as an adult? I'm still trying to pluck up the courage/procrastinating about doing an e consult/phoning the doctor! The more I read, the more I realise nearly every aspect of my life has occurred due to what I suspect is adhd - good and bad!

@Asleanna

I suspect I may have ADHD. I can't believe I'm saying this but a tik tok video made me realise! Obviously since the tik tok I've done a LOT of research and I'm almost certain I have it. I don't think I want medication really and may seek ways to try and control it naturally but tbh I've made it to late 20s with a messy life, I've kind of just gotten used to it!

My husband sent me a tik tok video too, Dani something?! I couldn't believe it, I am just like that! Keep googling different things I do to see if there's a connection, and there often is.

This is very interesting. What is a good online resource for understanding symptoms / how it presents in women?

When my DD was getting diagnosed and I wanted to do an adult learning course. Best thing I ever did. It boosted my self esteem. Gave me much needed answers and made me realise that I am not lazy and thick as labelled by the teachers. Do it! It doesn't hurt and it is a very liberating experience

BTW it never occurred to me that I had ADHD even after one of my children was diagnosed. Then another of my children - who is much much much more like me - was diagnosed. And I went... wait...

I felt like a complete fraud even suggesting it. I said very hesitantly to my husband 'Do you maybe think I ought to look into getting assessed for ADHD seeing as DD has it?' and he said 'Oh dear god I thought you'd never ask. YES.'

Then I felt like a complete fraud asking my doctor to refer me for assessment (I'm in the US so it's a quick, easy process here).

Then I felt like a complete fraud going through the assessment process. And while waiting for the results.

So it was very interesting seeing all the ways I showed very clear ADHD during testing, and how all the other assessments people filled in for me also pointed clearly towards it. And then I looked at my school reports and they were all 'She's really clever but she doesn't pay attention and she NEVER SITS STILL.'

You can be a very intelligent successful person, and still have spent your life struggling with ADHD.

And why should you if you don't have to?

@Arabelladrinkstea

I too suspect I have ADHD but have thought what would diagnosis sort out as I don’t want medication. However I would love tips, tools and techniques if anyone can recommend some?

Part of my report covered this - I haven't tried any of these yet.

• Barkley, R. (2013) Taking Charge of ADHD: The complete authoritative guide for parents, third edition.

• Executive Skills Coaching Tutoring online www.beyondbooksmart.com/

• Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD) at www.chad.org

• Wismer, Cindy Stringer (2014), ADHD in Adults

It also recommended local coaches, tutors and psychologists who specialise in ADHD.

I also found this book useful - The Adult ADHD Tool Kit: Using CBT to Facilitate Coping Inside and Out.

And this is a good read - Better Late Than Never: Understand, Survive and Thrive — Mid Life ADHD Diagnosis
Emma Mahony, Sari Solden

I was diagnosed a few months ago, I'm 54 and was researching ADHD because my son was diagnosed last year age 26. It was a penny dropping moment!

I'm not in the UK so access to treatment was easier. I'm on medication, anti depressants and very low dose of ritalin but, wow, what a difference it has made!

One thing I'm struggling with is i think I can be hyper critical of others, organisations and their systems. Once something pisses me off, I can't get out my head, be it a noisy eater or an incompetent energy company. Am I alone? This this ADHD or just me?

Nc.
Middle aged. Referred by GP and currently on long waiting list.
I was assessed for Aspergers by mental health team a while ago and I didn’t meet the threshold but they said I am possibly more likely to be ADHD and recommended referral for assessment.

Chronic procrastination. Home and work.
Hoarding problem.
Difficulty sorting and categorising things at home.
Never finish anything.
Struggle to meet deadlines at work sometimes.
Easily distracted.
Difficulty concentrating if I’m not really interested.
Often don’t listen to people.
Chronic interrupter but I’ve learned to control that mostly.
Daydreaming.
Start lots of different creative hobbies but never really do anything with any of them.
I’ve still got some of my old school reports from decades ago that say: “easily distracted” “xxx still finds it difficult to concentrate for any length of time”.

Following to return later

@S0upertrooper I can relate to the hypercritical thing but not sure it’s adhd or other ‘stuff’.

@Arabelladrinkstea

I too suspect I have ADHD but have thought what would diagnosis sort out as I don’t want medication. However I would love tips, tools and techniques if anyone can recommend some?

If you have ADD/ADHD and won’t even consider medication, the odds are you either have a mild version or fantastic coping skills. For me it was affecting the most important things in my life — my marriage, my job, my self-worth, and my mental health. I would have done virtually anything to get control over my life. I was clever enough to do well in school and have an OK career but I hated myself. In school my teachers and parents radiated disappointment in me for falling short of my potential. Where I grew up the popular girls were prim and perfect. I was messy, disorganized, and I talked too much. I wanted desperately to be in the cool group but I couldn’t quite find my way in. In my jobs after university I wasted SO much time procrastinating but at the same time I am weirdly a perfectionist too— it wasn’t unusual for me to spend 3+ hours on a simple email. Everytime I had a deadline I ended up awake at 4 am scrambling to finish. I was working miles below my potential and my self-esteem was in the toilet but I somehow managed to function. Then I had my first child and I just couldn’t keep all the balls in the air. I was hyper focused on my son and making everything “perfect” for him but every other area of my life was a mess. I felt awful about myself and at times depressed. I was not an easy person to live with or co-parent with and at work I very nearly made a mistake that would have negatively impacted lots of people’s lives and ended my career. I was overwhelmed with “to-dos” but spent my time rearranging stuffed animals and researching the best sippy cup. It was quite simply untenable.

Stimulant medication for ADD/ADHD has changed my life profoundly for the better. It doesn’t make things easy but it makes things manageable and that feeling of competence has made me feel completely different about myself. I will never be that person who meal plans and runs committees and shows up ten minutes early for everything but I can manage. If I hadn’t started medication I shudder to think where my life would be. There was no option really.

@S0upertrooper

I was diagnosed a few months ago, I'm 54 and was researching ADHD because my son was diagnosed last year age 26. It was a penny dropping moment!

I'm not in the UK so access to treatment was easier. I'm on medication, anti depressants and very low dose of ritalin but, wow, what a difference it has made!

One thing I'm struggling with is i think I can be hyper critical of others, organisations and their systems. Once something pisses me off, I can't get out my head, be it a noisy eater or an incompetent energy company. Am I alone? This this ADHD or just me?

I could have written this am awaiting private assessment. Am horrified at the price of the meds and monthly prescriptions and also the 4 monthly reviews. I am also not in the uk

@S0upertrooper

I was diagnosed a few months ago, I'm 54 and was researching ADHD because my son was diagnosed last year age 26. It was a penny dropping moment!

I'm not in the UK so access to treatment was easier. I'm on medication, anti depressants and very low dose of ritalin but, wow, what a difference it has made!

One thing I'm struggling with is i think I can be hyper critical of others, organisations and their systems. Once something pisses me off, I can't get out my head, be it a noisy eater or an incompetent energy company. Am I alone? This this ADHD or just me?

I’m not an expert but based on my experience it sounds like this is just your personality. I suppose I get annoyed with things as much as anyone else but I tend to get over it really quickly. For me ADHD has caused low self-confidence so I rarely think I could do a better job than anyone else.

To the extent your issues are beyond the typical/normal range it sounds to me more like a possible indication of mental health issues. It is not uncommon for depression and anxiety to manifest as frustration, impatience and a short temper.

Thank you very helpful post

[quote Winecheesesleep]@ClumpingBambooIsALie how helpful has the medication been?[/quote]
Methylphenidate didn't do much, and dexamphetamine made me go a bit mad… 🙄 Oh well.

@ZZTopGuitarSolo

I'm not sure about medication, does it really help? I'm wary of anything that messes with my brain after a terrible experience on antidepressants.

As with most meds, it's a very personal experience. My son could not survive normal day to day school and work without meds, but with them he's maintaining a high average at school and also holding down a job working 15 hours a week.

My daughter can survive but she achieves so much more with meds, and hates herself so much less.

I just started on them today and I can't believe quite how clear and focused my brain has been, or how easy I've found it to get started on things, or how much I've achieved that I've been putting off forever.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience on anti-depressants. Please try to find a good counsellor if you can. Hopefully that will help.

Thank you, that's helpful

@Strikemepink

This is very interesting. What is a good online resource for understanding symptoms / how it presents in women?

How to ADHD on Youtube has tons of videos, very watchable thankfully, including one on how it presents in women/girls.

@IknowiamimsureiamimADHDy

Nc. Middle aged. Referred by GP and currently on long waiting list. I was assessed for Aspergers by mental health team a while ago and I didn’t meet the threshold but they said I am possibly more likely to be ADHD and recommended referral for assessment.

Chronic procrastination. Home and work.
Hoarding problem.
Difficulty sorting and categorising things at home.
Never finish anything.
Struggle to meet deadlines at work sometimes.
Easily distracted.
Difficulty concentrating if I’m not really interested.
Often don’t listen to people.
Chronic interrupter but I’ve learned to control that mostly.
Daydreaming.
Start lots of different creative hobbies but never really do anything with any of them.
I’ve still got some of my old school reports from decades ago that say: “easily distracted” “xxx still finds it difficult to concentrate for any length of time”.

Oh the interrupting....I hadn't realised until recently that this was an adhd thing but I am so bad for this and will literally have to bite my cheek sometimes to hold it in!

@ZZTopGuitarSolo
And everyone else too, thank you for sharing your experiences.

My parents are mystified at my low self esteem as - in their words - I'm clever, capable, creative, attractive and friendly.

But inside I hate myself for not achieving my 'potential', that elusive old thing that's dogged my entire adult life.

Hoping a diagnosis will help me give myself a break!

I went through the assessment about 2 years ago, after 4 years of waiting. I found it really awful, but it did come at a time when I was really struggling with my mental health too. It felt like a really long and intense therapy session, but with none of the reassurance or closure.

I initially spoke to my GP about it after just coming across an article about ADHD being under-diagnosed in women, and could relate to every example.

Unfortunately in the assessment session itself, I downplayed everything. I have no idea why, well - it was probably a mix of insecurity and me not wanting to "cause a fuss". The conclusion was that, although I do have some serious issues with focus and disordered behaviour - they don't impact my day-to-day life enough for a diagnosis.

So downplaying how shitty my life has actually been because of these issues was a terrible idea, and now I don't have any support and I'm too ashamed to speak to anybody about it again.

In short - speak to a GP, get a referral, and be honest about your struggles!

For me getting a diagnosis was amazing at first, it wasn't laziness or disorganisation or poor social skills that had caused me problems all my life, it was ADHD.
Then a period of feeling quite down about what I could have achieved with a diagnosis, adjustments and self awareness.
Now 8 months on from diagnosis, at the age of 54, I've come to terms with it to an extent and try to work with it in the same way @scarpa does.
Medication is a problem for me, methylphenidate had strong side effects.
Dexamphetamine is better and I like the clarity and focus but it makes me anxious.
Don't really know where to go from here with medication tbh

I think I have it too but the wait time I've seen is making my procrastination worse, that and I'm also trying to navigate DD and her issues that are coming out the woodwork on top of a really crap year I have the "too many tabs open" feeling a lot

I've just started on meds again - 20mg of Elvanse. Haven't noticed any real difference so far but this is the starter dose so hope I'll see more impact as it goes up. Concerta didn't seem to do much but I didn't realise that I had to take it every day - apparently it needs to be regular to make a meaningful difference as optimally one's brain will start to expect it. Not sure if that's bollocks though, I may have misunderstood..