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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours dog - what time is Ok or AIBU!?

32 replies

Boysboys1 · 12/10/2021 22:17

I always like to turn to mumsnetters for some practical advice! So, we moved into our new house during the pandemic, so pretty quiet evenings all round, but for the last few months, the neighbours dog (we live in a semi detached) barks about 3-4 nights, sometimes more, a week from about 7pm to about 10.30-11pm, sometimes later. They’ve had some loud parties which is totally ok. They’ve always been polite and let us know in advance. BUT we are a young family and my son has just started school and goes to bed at 7.30pm and us about 9pm. I’m worried I’m being unreasonable because it’s not that late but it’s a continuous barking and howling and there’s no way we can sleep through it. It goes on for the whole evening with no respite. I’m feeling nervous to speak to them as we aren’t the most quiet of neighbours as we have two young children and there’s tantrums and mornings in the garden etc, but it’s started to really effect us and we just sit up listening to the barking. I’ve grown up with dogs BTW, we are dog lovers but AIBU to think they need a minder or something when they’re out so many evenings? Thank you!

OP posts:
WoodchipNightmares · 12/10/2021 22:20

I'm a dog owner.

I can understand if the dog is let out for a wee, finds something to bark at, and is fetched in shortly after that. That's life.

Hours upon hours of continuous barking, with no attempt to mitigate it, is a completely different matter and I wouldn't be at all tolerant.

RosiePosieDozy · 12/10/2021 22:22

Sounds like separation anxiety to me. Poor dog. I think you should tell them because it's affecting you but also because they probably don't know what's happening when they're not there. Then they can put some training in place. Definitely let them know. I'd appreciate you letting me know if I was them.

FFSFFSFFS · 12/10/2021 22:22

Poor dog. Is it because he’s locked out in the garden?

whatnumber · 12/10/2021 22:24

That sounds cruel. What type of people would do that. Are they home? Surely they can hear it ?

HelpMeWithMyHip · 12/10/2021 22:24

Are the owners not in? They might not be aware. I'd definitely speak to them. It's not fair on anyone. Dog included

Suzi888 · 12/10/2021 22:25

What is the dog barking atConfused. I can see why the previous occupants sold up. Loud parties and excessive barking!

dangermouseisace · 12/10/2021 22:28

I live in social housing, and one of the conditions of being allowed to keep a dog, is that you don’t let it bark continuously or otherwise cause a nuisance. It’s unfair on the dog and it’s unfair on everyone living around you. I can understand one or 2 woofs if out for a wee, maybe going crazy for 30 seconds if they spot a cat, but no way is this acceptable. It must be driving you crazy!

Unfortunately first step is going to be raising it with your neighbours. Can they keep the dog indoors instead of letting it bark outside? And if they need a dog free night they really should book it into a kennel or a dog boarder.

Kids are kids and they have tantrums/are loud…but that stage is transient, and they aren’t being locked out in the garden to shout and cry for hours. They can’t use that as comeback.

Winniemarysarah · 12/10/2021 22:28

Depends. What time in the morning are you allowing your children to ‘tantrum in the garden’?

TokyoSushi · 12/10/2021 22:33

Poor dog, that's awful and definitely not right, are they the type of people you can speak to?

We have a dog, one or two woofs at any time of the day and we bring him straight in.

maddening · 12/10/2021 22:40

Even if you are wide awake and no plans on going to bed till 1am, a dog barking continuously is a fucking nuisance.

AutumnLeaves21 · 12/10/2021 22:40

This sounds awful, so antisocial and in no way comparable to your toddler making noise (u less toddler screams for three hours on end with no break every evening!). Definitely have a word. I’d record it so you can show them what it sounds like.

GlitteryUnicornSparkles · 12/10/2021 22:43

It sounds like they are not home and the dog is not coping well with being left. In those circumstances there is a good chance they just aren’t aware and if they don’t know they can’t work on resolving it. I would definitely have a polite word, I love dogs but that is not reasonable noise and its unfair on the dog as much as it is on you.

AutumnLeaves21 · 12/10/2021 22:45

@Winniemarysarah who’s “allowing” a toddler to tantrum 🙄 oh piss off.

wheretherainblows · 12/10/2021 23:00

My fucking neighbours dog is outside barking away as early as 6 am some mornings, not just a few barks but continuously for 30 - 45 minutes. He can be out barking past 10 pm some nights also however, not so much in the winter. It sometimes does my head in and I think, why aren't the neighbours mortified and telling him to shhh or bringing him in? They just seem to let it go.

My old neighbour on the other side was hanging her washing out one day and the dog was barking and she screamed, 'SHUT YOUR BLOODY DOG UP!!! EVERYDAY I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THAT! SHUT UP!!' And it did stop for a while but back again. I just tend to drown him out now as I'm so used to it.

mumsandtums46 · 12/10/2021 23:05

woof woof woof woof - would drive me woofing made!!

JonSnowsCloak · 12/10/2021 23:18

I really feel your pain OP...
Next door (semi) have a dog with clear separation anxiety issues..
Whenever they leave them the dog does not stop for breath barking/howling/crying and it goes on for hours. Not long after they first got the dog I put a note through the door after 8 hours of constant barking when they left the poor thing all day...they apologised 'didn't realize' but over lockdown and past few weeks it's every other night and it's so draining as not only can you not drown it out without telly on full blast I feel sorry for the poor thing. Part of the reason I've not said anything again is because we don't really speak to them much and also because we want to move in the next couple of years....

SometimesRavenSometimesParrot · 12/10/2021 23:22

If they’re out, they don’t know so you should let them know. We used to have a rescue dog who’d be lovely and quiet as we left the house and then as soon as we’d left the street howl like a banshee, sitting on a window seat in the front of the house. We wouldn’t know if our neighbours hadn’t told us (they found his dramatics very funny thankfully).
But if they’re in and still letting it bark that’s more difficult especially if you’re saying you’re a loud family as well - how does the disruption to your lives compare to the disruption you’re causing them with tantrums and mornings in the garden? It might be that they think based on the noise coming from you that their amount of noise is fine too. My current next door neighbours have a small yappy dog who barks a good 2/3 hours a day as it’s not trained, and they’re loud themselves (plenty of rows etc) so I don’t feel the need to tell my dog to be quiet if she’s barking at something like the post arriving because it doesn’t bother me and I know she’ll stop once she’s confident we are aware the post has come.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 13/10/2021 00:00

Shout stfu out a window. Works round my way!
Report to the council. Someone I know's ndn got a letter pretty quick off the local council with threats of removal unless his ddog stfu!!
They can be very efficient op!!

Boysboys1 · 13/10/2021 12:26

Thanks so much for all of your replies! Really helpful. It's so tricky with neighbours because you want to have a good relationship with them. In our last house, we had a holiday let one side and an older couple on the other who were really lovely and had the TV so loud they probably couldn't hear the night-time wake-ups. Weirdly I found their TV noise comforting!
It certainly looks like I'm going to have to speak to them - how do you even start that chat!? It's definitely separation anxiety as the dog is well looked after, walked and gets lots of attention etc. I just think the y are really sociable (mum and two teenagers) and like going out a lot. But last night was 11.45 and it's only Tuesday!
The dog isn't left outside, it's in the house, but the noise is basically like it's outside! I think the dog is in the conservatory.
Also, to make it clear, I don't let them scream in the garden at 7 in the morning! They get up at 6am so I usually let them potter around outside from about 7.30am - later at weekends. My four-year-old is highly sensitive and gets super tired and can be prone to emotional outbursts (separate post entirely!) which I worry the neighbours will hear through the wall. This is always in 'daytime hours' of course.Thank you again.

OP posts:
Coffeey · 13/10/2021 12:36

Are they out when this happens? If it is I'd let them know.

gogohm · 13/10/2021 12:36

Is the dog inside or out?

I admit when I have my dog staying (he lives with ex) he whines about staying home when I go out, I've checked it stops after 5 mins and not a full bark. But continuous barking is not on

Poppydoppy18 · 13/10/2021 13:07

They might not know if they’re not home, so don’t be afraid to let them know. I would personally want to know if mine would be doing this when I’m out.

Winniemarysarah · 13/10/2021 13:36

[quote AutumnLeaves21]@Winniemarysarah who’s “allowing” a toddler to tantrum 🙄 oh piss off.[/quote]
Did you miss the second half of my sentence?

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 13/10/2021 13:49

I would just say to them "I'm not sure if you're aware, but the dog barks continually from xx to yy - I'm not sure if he's distressed or lonely but it is constant. If it was me, I would want to know so I can make sure he isn't so stressed when I'm out. I love dogs but he does sound like he's missing you."

MadeOfStarStuff · 13/10/2021 13:54

YANBU

Occasional barking when going out for a wee or playing is part of having close neighbours, just like occasional toddler tantrums or kids playing,

However constant barking/howling for hours on end is unreasonable and sounds like the dog is miserable as well as making everyone else miserabke