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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby clothes - strange

62 replies

Chocchoc88 · 11/10/2021 18:45

Friend told me this story and I’m confused and pissed off for her! A mutual friend of ours dropped off a big bag of baby clothes (some new, with tags, some not) a while back saying ‘your baby is bigger than mine so the clothes will fit them sooner, do you want them?’ My friend said yeah, accepted and took the bag off her. Fast forward a few months and our mutual friend is now asking for the bag of clothes back, saying ‘my baby will fit into them now, can I have them back?’ My friend is worried that she’s just mixed all the clothes in the wardrobe and drawers together etc and has to now try and remember what was in the bag and give it all back.

YABU - my mate should have kept the clothes to one side and given them back when asked
YANBU - she’s right to feel uncomfortable about it and it is a bit strange?

OP posts:
RainyDayzs · 11/10/2021 18:47

Wtf 😂 very strange.
Never heard of anyone asking for them back, she should have stated that at the beginning

WithMyEncyclopedia · 11/10/2021 18:47

Normally the rule is they should make it clear when handing them over that they want them back, otherwise they're yours to do what you want with.

However it seems pretty clear that these were always intended for the giver's baby, and fairly soon as well? In which case YABU.

I'd feel a bit weird about using new stuff they'd want back for a baby especially as it's easy to ruin baby clothes with nappy explosions etc.

WithMyEncyclopedia · 11/10/2021 18:48

Never heard of anyone asking for them back

You're new to MN then Grin sure there's threads about this regularly!

Veryverycalmnow · 11/10/2021 18:50

Yeah- a bit strange, but maybe she had kind intentions. Can your friend just say, "they're all jumbled in with things we bought now, but we'll try and get the right bits back to you!"

Original poster
Chocchoc88 · 11/10/2021 18:57

Yeah she’s said she’s going to try and remember what she gave her and dig out what she can.

I’ve never heard of giving clothes for them to grow into though? When my baby was born I was gifted a few bits I wasn’t keen on, maybe it was that?

OP posts:
seaandsandcastles · 11/10/2021 19:08

If mutual friend wanted them back she should have said so at the time. I wouldn’t be looking through to find them.

WithMyEncyclopedia · 11/10/2021 19:09

I'm confused. Has the friend who received the clothes used them yet or is the giver asking for them back before expected? When you say her baby is 'bigger' did you mean older or are they the same age but drastically different sizes?!

If I give baby clothes to a new mum (as an actual present not a loan!) I usually give something in bigger size than newborn/0-3 as often you get overwhelmed with that size and barely use them. So it's not weird in my opinion to give someone clothes to grow into.

KarmaStar · 11/10/2021 19:16

I would have thought it was obvious she wanted them back by saying they would fit sooner.
It was lovely of her to lend the clothes,especially with some brand new.
You have no grounds to be passed off at all.
Some appreciation of the gesture would be more appropriate.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 11/10/2021 19:16

To me, "your baby is bigger than mine so the clothes will fit them sooner" sounds as though she's saying 'do you want to use them first before my baby?'. I would therefore assume that she wanted them back after your friends baby had used them.

furbabymama87 · 11/10/2021 19:20

It's strange.

geojellyfish · 11/10/2021 19:31

It seems quite obvious what the intention of the mutual friend was so I think it's a bit crap that your friend hasn't kept track of the clothes. She either should have declined the original offer or been more careful with the items.

Why are you pissed off?

Original poster
Chocchoc88 · 11/10/2021 19:38

Mixed opinions!

Good question about what my mate did with the clothes - I asked her and she said she can’t even remember what was the givers stuff, and neither can the giver herself?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocchoc88 · 11/10/2021 19:39

Because she’s now going through all her baby’s stuff panicking and I feel for her as a mate as that’s stressful

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocchoc88 · 11/10/2021 19:43

Oh and another thing she’s just told me. Mutual friend also asked us all if anybody wanted a baby gate, my friend said yeah she will have it if it’s going? And she’s asked for that back too now? My friend has it fitted at the bottom of her stairs

OP posts:
geojellyfish · 11/10/2021 19:43

But you describe yourself as feeling pissed off, which implies anger with the mutual friend, who by the sounds of it, thought she was doing a nice thing?

geojellyfish · 11/10/2021 19:44

The baby gate is weird though!

NigellaSeed · 11/10/2021 19:50

Never heard if this. If she had to keep track of these clothes amongst all the other clothes, hat seems like a problem not a gift.

I would only hand things down, not up Confused

Original poster
Chocchoc88 · 11/10/2021 19:51

Oh not ‘anger’ more just bewildered! I’m new to the world of mums so I wasn’t sure if that was a common thing. Yeah, I’m sure it was a nice thing do, I’m not saying it wasn’t. But I’m trying to imagine if someone left a bag of stuff with me, and said here do you want this? I’d go, yeah sure, then I’d pick out the bits I’d like and would want etc and then donate the rest perhaps? To me she’s given them, with no mention of wanting them back - and that’s the bit I’m talking about really

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocchoc88 · 11/10/2021 19:53

Yeah the stairgate is weird, I scrolled back to what she originally said when she was giving it away and she said ‘free to a good home if anyone wants it!’ So again, really nice thing to do but nothing about it being a temporary loan

OP posts:
Fraine · 11/10/2021 19:55

I think your friend is BU.

If she knew her friend’s baby was going to die in then in a few months time then she shops have made a note / taken pics of those clothes with a view to giving them back.

She doesn’t need to feel uncomfortable or strange, she should just attempt to gather up as many of those clothes as possible and give them back.

Fraine · 11/10/2021 19:56

@Chocchoc88

Oh and another thing she’s just told me. Mutual friend also asked us all if anybody wanted a baby gate, my friend said yeah she will have it if it’s going? And she’s asked for that back too now? My friend has it fitted at the bottom of her stairs
Yes she needs to give it back, given the clothes fiasco.
LettertoHermoine · 11/10/2021 20:00

Never heard of this before. Why not just keep them until your own child fits into them rather than giving them away, letting another child wear them and then asking for them back? Unless the other friend he gave them to was in dire need of baby clothes, this does not make any sense. I am going with weird as fuck.

ChateauMargaux · 11/10/2021 20:01

Re clothes: has her baby now grown out of the clothes? If so then it's no big deal if she gives a bag of clothes back the other friend and a few others slip in. (Is she planning on having more children or would she be passing on all outgrown clothing anyway? The answer would determine whether she will need to try to remember roughly what quantity was in the bag or just be generous)

It is a weird thing to do though..

As for the baby gate... she should scroll back and reference the original message.. and say, Jill, when you offered the baby gate free to a good home, I presumed it would be ok to fit it to the wall.. but heh ho.. no stress, give me a few days to get a new one and I will bring yours round. Junior is climbing on everything these days!!

Noeuf · 11/10/2021 20:02

Sorry I’m usually of the opinion you give stuff and lose it, but honestly ‘giving friend’s’ baby had never worn this stuff. Why did your friend think her mate was giving her a load of clothes she’d never used? Did your mate think the friend was just going to go out and replace them all?

Sparklybanana · 11/10/2021 20:06

I would get annoyed and say if I knew she wanted them back then I would have said no or at least kept them separate- and no you can't have the stair gate back until we've finished with it as you didn't give the strong impression you were giving away. I would have just bought one had I known so we wouldn't end up with loads of different holes in the wall.
I've given away stuff and leant stuff and the latter I've made it abundantly clear that I'm expecting it back.