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AIBU?

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Original poster

Baby clothes - strange

62 replies

Chocchoc88 · 11/10/2021 18:45

Friend told me this story and I’m confused and pissed off for her! A mutual friend of ours dropped off a big bag of baby clothes (some new, with tags, some not) a while back saying ‘your baby is bigger than mine so the clothes will fit them sooner, do you want them?’ My friend said yeah, accepted and took the bag off her. Fast forward a few months and our mutual friend is now asking for the bag of clothes back, saying ‘my baby will fit into them now, can I have them back?’ My friend is worried that she’s just mixed all the clothes in the wardrobe and drawers together etc and has to now try and remember what was in the bag and give it all back.

YABU - my mate should have kept the clothes to one side and given them back when asked
YANBU - she’s right to feel uncomfortable about it and it is a bit strange?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocchoc88 · 11/10/2021 20:14

@Fraine she is bundling them up and giving them back (or what she can at least). I don’t know what you’re talking about about ‘if she knew her friends baby was going to die’ - what are you on about?

OP posts:
Bonnytoon · 11/10/2021 20:19

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

To me, "your baby is bigger than mine so the clothes will fit them sooner" sounds as though she's saying 'do you want to use them first before my baby?'. I would therefore assume that she wanted them back after your friends baby had used them.
Agree with this post.
AwkwardPaws27 · 11/10/2021 20:29

Maybe your friend could just give her all the clothes her baby has outgrown (apart from any special outfits she wants to keep)? That way nothing goes to waste & it saves the stress of sitting through it all - unless she is planing another soon?

Coffeey · 11/10/2021 20:40

Stairgate is really weird

ittakes2 · 11/10/2021 20:54

It sounded to me like they were on loan until her baby grew. I would have then put a mark on the label. my sister swaps clothes with another mother. They have three children each and the clothes go back and forth depending on ages.

MyMabel · 11/10/2021 20:56

Me and SIL do this with our children, she passes them to me from her eldest, my DD wears them, then I pass them back for her youngest to go through.

Tbh, I can never remember what she did and didn’t have, so I bag up everything that no longer fits DD, mine and hers included and we’ve agreed to keep what we like and sell and split the money form what gets sold. Works for us Smile

SickAndTiredAgain · 11/10/2021 20:57

A mutual friend of ours dropped off a big bag of baby clothes (some new, with tags, some not) a while back saying ‘your baby is bigger than mine so the clothes will fit them sooner, do you want them?’

I think this comment makes it clear that she wanted them back once they fit her baby.

Noeuf · 11/10/2021 21:02

Wait, is this a reverse ? It’s so obvious the clothes were on loan…

Gardenista · 11/10/2021 21:09

I don’t think this is strange at all - the original lender was very generous to lend the clothes out before her own baby used them - but baby clothes get used for a matter of weeks/months so it’s sensible to not be wasteful and kind to lend new things.
I’m past the baby clothes stage but my daughter revives lots of books as gifts that are too old for her . I happily lend them to her older friends brand new - they will only be read once BUT I would be upset if not returned to me for her to use in her time. I also lend out good quality hand me downs we have been gifted but are too big and would like them back for our turn - party dresses/ waterproof trousers etc - they can be used for several children so why wouldn’t you? If someone complained to me that it was too much trouble to keep track of who gave what then I absolutely wouldn’t lend again - by lending you are saving them a lot of money. If you don’t appreciate it either refuse or leave in a bag unused and return in a few months.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 11/10/2021 21:23

I think 'die' was a very unfortunate typo and should have said 'fit'.

Yeah the stairgate is weird, I scrolled back to what she originally said when she was giving it away and she said ‘free to a good home if anyone wants it!’ So again, really nice thing to do but nothing about it being a temporary loan

It's very odd to give away something that you would normally expect to last for months, if not years - rather than clothes which are only of use for a limited time. Wouldn't you normally query somebody with a tiny baby giving away baby/toddler things that she would need very soon - at a time when most parents are starting to gather them, though?!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 11/10/2021 21:25

*typo or autocorrect

JLQ1020 · 11/10/2021 21:29

Nah its odd. My sister has given me baby stuff but has said she woukd like it back when (if) she falls pregnant again which is reasonable.. I think if she wanted it back she should have made it clear.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 11/10/2021 21:33

I do agree that it was at least highly likely, if not crystal clear, that she would be wanting the baby clothes back. Regardless of what was actually said - unless it was something unequivocal like "I do not want/need these clothes back, so pass them on when you've finished with them" - the clue is surely there?

If somebody mentions that they've completed their family and their youngest is now 3, any baby clothes they give you most probably won't be wanted back; if the giver has a small baby of their own - smaller/younger than yours, as well - why would you assume they wouldn't want them after you've finished with them? Irrespective of all that, I think the 'will need them SOONER' was what made it unmistakeably obvious.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 11/10/2021 21:35

Stairgate is really weird

Indeed: Stairgate-Gate Grin

MissChanandlerBong81 · 11/10/2021 21:42

To me, "your baby is bigger than mine so the clothes will fit them sooner" sounds as though she's saying 'do you want to use them first before my baby?'. I would therefore assume that she wanted them back after your friends baby had used them.

I also agree with this. Given she’s also the parent of a similar age baby, she made a point of commenting on the babies’ respective sizes, and some of the stuff had tags on, I think it’s pretty obvious she was saying ‘do you want to use them first’ rather than giving them away.

SylvanasWindrunner · 11/10/2021 21:44

Yes I'd assume it was just a loan until her baby could fit in them. It's not like her baby was going to never grow! It's quite a nice idea actually! But maybe it should have been communicated better at least. Good idea for the future to lay everything out and take a photo of it all so you can easily hand things back if you need.

tickledtiger · 11/10/2021 22:12

I think the clothes sharing thing is a good idea in principle (save so much money) but it obviously falls apart if you can’t remember which clothes were loaned. Hopefully the friend will be laid back about it if she doesn’t get back exactly what she gave.

Goldbar · 11/10/2021 22:14

For the clothes, it was quite clear it was a loan not a gift. In your friend's shoes, I would have declined the loan as I wouldn't have wanted the hassle of keeping tabs on everything.

Stairgate is weird. In your friend's shoes, I would leave mine fitted and buy a new one for mutual friend. And make a mental note not to accept anything from her again.

Mutual friend sounds like a complete pain who has used your friend as a free storage facility under the guise of doing something nice.

Feetupteashot · 11/10/2021 22:18

Sounds obvious that she was lending to use until her baby was bigger

Just take photos of what you're given then give back. Massive lending groups of clothes locally

ohthestruggles · 11/10/2021 22:19

Never heard the like before. If someone offered me clothes for my baby as a lend until their baby fitted into them I would refuse. No baby mum needs the extra work of sorting through clothes to return them. When I was pregnant a lot of my friends gave me bags of clothes and said 'keep what you want and just put the rest to charity' felt like it was a way of getting rid of stuff for them without having to drive to and hand them over to a charity shop. So I had to do it Envy

VenusTiger · 11/10/2021 22:31

Is she hard up on money OP? sounds like she wants stuff back she's given away to sell.

WhenwillSleephappen · 11/10/2021 23:20

Sounds like the clothes were a loan and to use until her baby fitted in them.

The gate though - I’d say that you said it was free to a good home, not a loan so I’m keeping it as it’s fixed fo the wall

And tell your friend - don’t take anything off this lady again.

CanofCant · 11/10/2021 23:25

Hmm I dunno, it sounds like she was using your friend as free storage to me.

KrisAkabusi · 11/10/2021 23:29

"Sooner" makes it clear she was going to want them back and it was just a loan.

sunflowerdaisies · 11/10/2021 23:45

The clothes were obviously a loan. I'm loaned lots of clothes from family (who want them back either to sell or for younger child). I label them all with a clothes marker. Not hard - is a pain sorting them but saved me loads of money over the years.

Stairgate is weird.

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