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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DCs sleep should have improved by age 9

35 replies

Sleepdeprived42long · 10/10/2021 22:34

Ok I’m exhausted and feeling a bit sorry for myself so might be a little sensitive. Not really looking for advice just needed to share. Have 2 DSs age 9 and 7. Neither have slept well since babies. DS9 still struggles to get to sleep and doesn’t normally go to sleep until around 9:30pm and wakes up around 6/6:30am. He’s very attached to me/DH/his home and has said he doesn’t want to stay at MILs overnight (my only childcare). DS7 is better at going to sleep and waking but snores loudly all night (which can wake me up in next door room) and will often come through in the middle of the night (at least twice a week). I’m just a bit done. I think I thought that things would be improving by now but often I’m so exhausted during the day. By poor coincidence, I’ve always been someone who needed a lot of sleep and I sleep lightly. Ideally 9 hours per night or I will feel exhausted and grumpy the next day. If I’m woken up during the night, I’m usually awake for 2+ hours. Off to bed now so fingers crossed for a good night…

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 10/10/2021 22:37

What have you done so far?

What happens when they come in during the night

BogRollBOGOF · 10/10/2021 22:38

I have low sleep children. My 10yo has a diagnosis of ASD which commonly affects sleep, but DS2 is little better. Neither shuts off until 10pm (fortunately don't need to be up until 8am) and they're just happy on 9.5- 10 hours sleep and have always needed less than average.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/10/2021 22:41

Do you sit with them to fall asleep? If so, stop.

Take yourself off to bed as soon as the boys go up, and get some early nights in.

I'd speak to the gp about the younger ones snoring - could be something needs doing here.

As long as the 9yo is keeping himself in his room from bedtime till he falls asleep, I dont see a problem with him drifting off at 9.30. Does he read in bed when he goes up?

cheninblanc · 10/10/2021 22:46

My 17 year old has never needed much sleep. But she's expected to stay in her room and do quiet activities like read until she's sleepy. I've done this since she was about 9 now. But she was up hoovering at 2am a few weeks back!! Mostly she doesn't disturb me, does well at 6th form, has a little job and just doesn't need much sleep and never has

Dishwashersaurous · 10/10/2021 22:51

Also. What does it matter if they are not asleep. Put them in their room to read, say goodnight. And go to bed.

Then in the morning, particularly at weekends, they are more than old enough to get themselves up for breakfast whilst you sleep

5foot5 · 10/10/2021 22:58

At 9 and 7 are they not old enough to understand that whilst they may not be sleepy Mum and Dad still are. So if you wake up in the night or early in the morning that is fair enough but, unless it is a dire emergency or they are ill, they stay in their own room and quietly amuse themselves without waking you

Stickyblue1987 · 11/10/2021 11:32

My dc9 has a similar sleep time to your dc, sometimes a little bit later before they fall asleep. There in bed by 8.30ish but read for 45mins or do. Sleeps until about 7-7.30am. It's similar to lots of their friends sleep patterns.

FieldOverFence · 11/10/2021 11:37

One of the great liberations of having older kids is that them not sleeping doesn't mean you don't sleep either

They go up to their rooms at a reasonable hour, and if they read/play/listen to music for a while before they go to sleep, fine ....same thing for waking in the morning. They can' get up but they don't need to wake anyone else

I would get the snoring looked into though, that's unusual at that age

Beamur · 11/10/2021 11:38

DD has only really got the hang of sleeping once she hit her teens...
I don't think 9.30 to 6.30 is unreasonable as long as he feels rested. I'd still comfort and resettle a 7 yr old. But, at weekends they could amuse themselves for a little while if you needed a bit more sleep.
It's tough but some kids need less sleep than others (and their parents!)

TooMuchPaper · 11/10/2021 11:39

I think a 7 year old snoring loudly all night is unusual? Have you had him checked by a gp - maybe his adenoids are enlarged and he can't breathe through his nose properly?

xksismybestletter · 11/10/2021 11:42

I don't really know what time any of my children wake up or go to sleep. They are between 5 and 9. They go to bed at 1930, 2000 and 2015 and then drop off sometime are and wake up at some point before about 0745.

Do they disturb you? / Come into your room a lot?

TamponSupport · 11/10/2021 11:43

DS9 still struggles to get to sleep and doesn’t normally go to sleep until around 9:30pm and wakes up around 6/6:30am.
This sounds like a decent amount for a 9 year old? My DD sleeps from around 9-6/630 and from what her friends' mums say, she sleeps a lot.

I would also want the snoring checked out.

Hoglet70 · 11/10/2021 11:45

If I was asleep by 9.30 I would have had enough sleep by 6. It's loads even at that age. It's rubbish that they all need 20 hours a night. DS16 always struggled to get to sleep so we let him have a TV in his room and he dozed off to that and still does. No harm done. I got a peaceful evening and he wasn't stressed about not being able to get to sleep. He just passed 9 GCSES brilliantly before I get told that TVs in bedrooms will ruin your child and stunt their intelligence.

shouldistop · 11/10/2021 11:46

Have you taken your 7yo to the doctors about snoring?

Rosebel · 11/10/2021 11:48

My daughter used to snore until she had her adenoids removed (they were actually doing a different operation when they realised they needed removing).
She still snores but only occasionally, usually when she has a cold.

SeaToSki · 11/10/2021 11:53

Loudly snoring is not normal for a young child, it could be that his adenoids are interfering with his ability to get into deep sleep. Go and talk to the GP. Then both of them need a rule that they arent to get you up in the night unless they are bleeding or vomiting

InTheLabyrinth · 11/10/2021 11:54

Are you concerned about the 9 year old? Sounds similar to my 10 yr old. I say good night st 8.30, he reads for a while, and is usually reading again at 6.30 - the earliest I allow them to put the lights on.

The snoring needs a GP referral. Probably tonsils or adenoids or something else at the back of the throat that needs to come out. You might find he sleeps better at that point. Why does he come disturb you when he wakes in the night? Are you actually needed, or could it wait/be sorted without you?

JapanJetplane · 11/10/2021 12:33

Have you spoken to anyone about the snoring? It’s unusual in a child of that age and worth getting checked out.

Original poster
Sleepdeprived42long · 11/10/2021 22:37

Hi thanks for all the replies.

DS7 has snored since birth so I didn’t realise it was unusual! Will get it checked out though.

DS9 hates being left on his own-at night and in the morning. When we have left him at night, he’s up and down the stairs so many times, for such a long time it’s not worth not just spending 10 mins with him till he goes to sleep. He’s also really sensitive to all noise (chewing, whispering, TV/radio etc) and he seems to find it really difficult to tune them out esp at night. Then in the morning, straight through to us. I’m sure he’ll grow out of it at some point-I doubt he’ll be coming through to us when he’s at high school!

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/10/2021 23:55

Has your Ds9 been assessed for any ASD or adhd? I’m not any kind of expert, but I thought sleep problems, not needing much sleep, and the noise issues you have outlined were common with ASD?

Original poster
Sleepdeprived42long · 12/10/2021 05:45

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing no. I wouldn’t be surprised he had mild ASD/Asperger’s (if that is a thing). He’s a smart but quiet child-seems to be able to make friends and gets humour/sarcasm etc. I’m not really sure what benefit having an ASD diagnosis would give him (if he does have it) or how to even begin the process.

OP posts:
Hadenough21 · 12/10/2021 06:01

I’ve got an early riser age 7 and he’s got a clock in his room and knows now that if he’s awake before 7am (usually wakes about 6.15 I think) then he can watch his tablet for a bit and stay in his room till 7 please. Works for us. He’s only got access to things like kids iPlayer so not watching anything inappropriate and the rest of us don’t get woken an hour before we want to be!

Hadenough21 · 12/10/2021 06:02

(Ironically I am awake of my own accord right now!) Grin

PattiPritell · 12/10/2021 06:04

Have you tried audiobooks on an iphone - you can set a turn off time. Are they in the same room? Surely if he's listening to an audiobooks he is being entertained so doesn't need you.

IamJuliaJohnson · 12/10/2021 06:13

I hear you OP. I have not great sleepers either. They never have been. And people who don’t experience it just don’t get it.

My eldest has ASD and won’t go to sleep without us in the room. He doesn’t take too long most nights, but his hatred of being alone means that he will not settle and then be too tired to fall asleep.

I often spend the night in the spare room, because one or both children will make their way to me in the night and I really need some deep sleep in the first part of the night. Right now I have a 7yo tucked up into my back, sleeping peacefully while I have had a very rough night.

I can and do return him to bed in the night if I’m awake when he comes through but often I don’t notice until some time later. The problem with returning him is that it disrupts my sleep and so I won’t go back to sleep for several hours, if at all.

So I don’t really have answers, this wasn’t what I planned when it came to children. And I too am worn down by it all.

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