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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is actually crossing a line from annoying into creepy now?

27 replies

troobleflooble · 10/10/2021 12:22

Sorry, it's little long!

I met a guy a few years ago when I was single and on dating sites. We went on a couple of dates, ended up sleeping together a few times but ultimately he decided he didn't want a relationship.
Over the next few years we didn't really stay friends but occasionally if we were both single we might have the odd night together. I am theoretically fine with having a fwb but I realised that actually he has no interest in talking to me unless we were hooking up and I wasn't very happy with this so I put a stop to it and eventually got into a relationship with someone else.

After not hearing from him for months he started messaging me on SM asking for sex or sending me dick pics. I told him I was in a relationship now and wasn't interested in maintaining contact, let alone having sex with him any more. He ignored this and continued to send pics so I blocked him.

Fast forward another year or so and my relationship ended so I went back on dating sites - there he was. The requests started coming again but when I turned him down he became quite abusive and called me horrible names so I told him absolutely, unequivocally that I was no longer interested in any contact and that nothing would ever happen with me and him again so please stop contacting me. I blocked him there too and on every other platform I have (Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat etc). Deleted his number.

I've just had a friend request on a platform I've previously blocked him on, it's a new profile. I've also had him try to add me on a SM business page that doesn't have my name on it.

Aibu to be kinda creeped out? I've told him repeatedly that I'm not interested but he doesn't seem to want to leave it alone! Am I just being paranoid?

OP posts:
cocavino · 10/10/2021 12:23

This is extremely creepy behaviour. A bit chilling, in fact.

TheOccupier · 10/10/2021 12:27

Creepy. You may want to report this to the police.

Funnylittlefloozie · 10/10/2021 12:33

Oh, you've got yourself a sad little stalker, OP. Sounds like you were the only woman kind enough to give him more than the time of day, and he's now fixated on you. Send one message, clear and unambiguous telling him that you do not want a relationship with him, and to stop contacting you. If he contacts you again, you will call the police. Nothing else. Don't block him.

If he contacts you again, call the police.

Penistoe · 10/10/2021 12:42

If he contacts you again, call the police

I disagree just report him. You don’t owe him a warning. He has crossed a line and you have already set firm boundaries which he ignored.

Energy4You · 10/10/2021 12:43

What @Funnylittlefloozie said.

It’s nit just a bit creepy anymore. Actually hasn’t been for a while.

TurnUpTurnip · 10/10/2021 12:50

Yes it has been for a while! Sending you dick pics? How nasty doesn’t sound like he has much respect for you I wouldn’t speak to him ever again. Does he know where you live I wouldn’t want him turning up?

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 10/10/2021 12:52

He got sex easily the last time, he thinks he can get it again easily this time. Let him know that will not be happening and you will be contacting the police if he continues to harrass you.

WorraLiberty · 10/10/2021 12:55

I would've blocked him immediately after the first count of indecent exposure.

YANBU, keep blocking him or report him to police, or both.

gamerchick · 10/10/2021 12:57

Just report him. A word from a couple of police will probably be enough to make him stop.

HateJudgmentalPeople · 10/10/2021 12:59

If you go to the police then they will tell you to first tell him (in text so the police can see that you’ve sent it) that he isn’t to contact you in any way, email, text, call, other online platforms and in person, once you do that and he contacts you, it’s then that the police will help, although because of everything going on with the police just now then they may just have a word with him immediately, hopefully this will get him off your back.

Original poster
troobleflooble · 10/10/2021 13:08

@WorraLiberty

I would've blocked him immediately after the first count of indecent exposure.

YANBU, keep blocking him or report him to police, or both.

Well at the time he didn't know I was with someone else and we just sort of lost contact so while it was unsolicited I hadn't actually asked him to stop yet. Of course once I did ask him to stop and he kept doing it, I blocked him.

I have blocked him on everything I am on now so unless he makes another new profile he can't contact me. At this point though if he does I think I will take your advice and report him, there can be no mixed messages at this point. I have told him very obviously and he isn't taking no for an answer 😡

OP posts:
Original poster
troobleflooble · 10/10/2021 13:10

Forgot to add, unfortunately he does know where I live Confused

Next question, should I tell my new bf about this? We've not been together that long (around 2 months) so I'm not sure I should bring it up.

OP posts:
TurnUpTurnip · 10/10/2021 13:12

Hmm I wouldn’t tell him, I don’t think it’s wise, unless there is any danger your ex would Be able to contact him? Otherwise no I wouldn’t it’s too early and you would be surprised what people would use against you/ judge you

MrMrsJones · 10/10/2021 13:20

He knows where you live....report to the police now.

Yes tell your new partner, that an ex is harassing you and won't leave you alone. You don't need to go into lots of detail.

RandomMess · 10/10/2021 13:20

I would speak to the national domestic helpline and discuss the criteria for a non-harassment order or perhaps the stalking helpline.

You need this stopped and yes it's creepy.

WorraLiberty · 10/10/2021 13:21

Well at the time he didn't know I was with someone else and we just sort of lost contact so while it was unsolicited I hadn't actually asked him to stop yet. Of course once I did ask him to stop and he kept doing it, I blocked him.

I'm sorry but if I walked down the road and someone indecently exposed themselves to me, I wouldn't think to myself "Oh, that's because I didn't ask him to stop" Hmm

The point is, you didn't ask him to expose himself to you in the first place.

WorraLiberty · 10/10/2021 13:22

Next question, should I tell my new bf about this? We've not been together that long (around 2 months) so I'm not sure I should bring it up.

Why not? You haven't done anything wrong.

TurnUpTurnip · 10/10/2021 13:24

Yes that’s better tell him but don’t go into any details about it as I think it’s too early. I wouldn’t tell him about the sleeping with him whenever you break up with people or him sending dick pics etc

WorraLiberty · 10/10/2021 13:29

@TurnUpTurnip

Yes that’s better tell him but don’t go into any details about it as I think it’s too early. I wouldn’t tell him about the sleeping with him whenever you break up with people or him sending dick pics etc
Why?

I mean as long as the OP is comfortable talking about it, why wouldn't she mention those details? Especially the indecent exposure?

Again, the OP has done nothing wrong.

TurnUpTurnip · 10/10/2021 13:32

I don’t think she’s done anything wrong I said why in my previous post that it’s an early relationship and op doesn’t know the guy that well it’s only 2 months you would be surprised how people will judge you, use it against you or see it as a vulnerability, that’s my opinion though.

WorraLiberty · 10/10/2021 13:37

@TurnUpTurnip she'd be well rid of him then before she developed deeper feelings.

Win-win in my opinion.

BoredZelda · 10/10/2021 14:00

He got sex easily the last time, he thinks he can get it again easily this time.

Some not very subtle victim blaming there.

He knows where you live....report to the police now.

I agree. You could also report his profile to the sites you are using.

rrhuth · 10/10/2021 17:44

Report him now, yes.

Don't minimise this behaviour.

Unsolicited pictures are harassment.

Tryagainplease · 10/10/2021 17:50

You asked him to leave you alone. He didn’t. That’s the definition of harassment.

nocoolnamesleft · 10/10/2021 17:52

Stalking. Which is past the point of creepy.