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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy a house with my partner whose still married?

274 replies

onedaymaybeone · 10/10/2021 09:17

Hi,

I would like some advice please. I'm divorced and have been renting since. I would like to buy a house but cannot raise enough mortgage to buy in the area I live in now and where DP go to school. I would be £35k short on the amount I need to buy in the area. I know I can afford the mortgage repayments as it would be half my rent but I don't earn enough in my own to get the full loan amount required.

My partner has offered to come in on a joint mortgage with me to make up the difference. We would be joint tenants and he would be paying no deposit and would 'own' a minimal percentage of the house. The reason being he is still paying for his previous property which he is not living in whilst he fights for custody of his daughter through court. Due to the complicated nature of the case he can't get divorced yet.

What are people's thoughts on doing this?

OP posts:
HannaHanna · 10/10/2021 11:00

By the way, the mortgage being half your rent does not mean you can afford it. There are many unseen expenses with home ownership and all kinds of surprises. We bought a house last year, just found out the AC must be replaced. We knew it was coming but hoped to stretch it a few years. It’s going to cost us more than a year of mortgage payments. Insurance company wanted an interior inspection with photographs recently - they had skipped that because of covid. Once they completed this they came back with a rate that was 1.5 times the current rate.

The lenders’ assessment of what you can afford is likely to be accurate. You’ll be much happier if you don’t try to buy something beyond that. It’s miserable to owe more monthly than you can manage without a cushion.

Glassofshloer · 10/10/2021 11:02

We would be joint tenants and he would be paying no deposit and would 'own' a minimal percentage of the house.

You can’t ‘own’ any percentage of a house as joint tenants - joint means joint, you own it together. You can own a particular share as tenants in common, but I really wouldn’t personally buy a house with someone who is still married, I think it’s madness if I’m honest - if it goes wrong, you could be handing your hard earned money over to his ex or even him. Don’t dice with your kids’ home and inheritance, it isn’t worth the risk.

FluffyTeddyBear · 10/10/2021 11:02

No. She will be entitled to the house. No no no.

Sandinmyknickers · 10/10/2021 11:05

No.
But also it worries me that you are using the wrong terminology...I don't think joint tenants is what you mean, you mean tenants in common. Not trying to be snarky but on the off-chance you do do this, that is pretty large error to make when instructing your solicitor!! If you do it, make sure you get it legally watertight and do some reading up beforehand

forinborin · 10/10/2021 11:08

@Willyoujustbequiet

I don't understand why he cant get divorced due to a custody battle?

Makes no sense.

There are situations when the court won't grant a decree absolute until the children's matter is resolved, if it is contested. It was the case with my divorce.
wewereliars · 10/10/2021 11:10

It doesn't sound like he 's telling you the full story OP. A divorce is about money, any family court proceedings are completely separate and will not hold up a divorce.

And in my experience, men who go to court to "fight for" custody, now called residence, are often abusive. Take care, and no don't buy a property with him yet.

MoreStuffingMatron · 10/10/2021 11:12

Take legal advice. To protect yourself you must ring fence your contribution, ensure it is owned as tenants in common and the ownership proportions reflect your relative contributions.

If he is already separated and assuming his divorce is in England, the new house isn’t a matrimonial asset so his wife doesn’t own a share. The fact he has acquired a property during separation might however adversely affect your partner’s financial settlement in that the court could deem his housing needs are met and give his wife a higher share of equity in the FMH.

The other issues are whether he can have two mortgages simultaneously and can you afford to buy him out if you split up?

So a few issues here. If at all possible can you afford to buy a cheaper property a little further away?

creativevoid · 10/10/2021 11:14

In Scotland you cannot get divorced until children’s arrangements sorted and financial settlement agreed. FACT. Most divorces take quite a while - years. I know people who have sorted the kids and the money but mutually decided not to do the divorce but until after their children are 16 because it is cheaper and simpler. That is not cheating. Sorry to derail the thread but it riles me when people who have no idea how long a divorce can take say you should put your life on hold until the piece of paper arrives in the post.

Xenia · 10/10/2021 11:15

In England you are advised not to get the decree absolute if the financial side is not yet agreed or decided by the judge. So he is still ina massive financial mess with his ex thus best not to get involved with him. As an unmarried couple (IF - a very big if - the new lender allows him to have two mortgages) you can own as tenants in common (NOT joint tenants which is totally different) and have a contract drawn up by solicitors about your respective shares.

Even with that assuming you never marry him he still might be able to claim more if he pays some or all of the mortgage or paints rooms or contributes to the place (and thus his current wife might claim her "share" of your new house).

Xenia · 10/10/2021 11:16

Also if the court decides owning with you means he is housed adequately then his wife may get more on the financial side of their divorce so yet another reason best he does not buy with you.

Original poster
onedaymaybeone · 10/10/2021 11:16

It's tricky to give more detail without potentially exposing him or the case.

It's complicated and there is a real fear that if his ex wife is antagonised in any way before the case is agreed it could have detrimental wellbeing on his daughter and/or she could be taken out of the country. This is advice from his solicitor. He has every intention of getting divorced and has been separated for sometime. In addition to above his ex wife has refused to discuss divorce in the past so he would have to wait until she agreed which could be a number of years. There was no cheating.

The mortgage he has with his ex-wife is small so we can more than comfortably secure a new modest house on paper. We would be tenants in common with myself owning the majority of the house as he won't be contributing to the deposit. Once he is financially free then he could pay off a lump sum of the mortgage. We live together now and are very committed to one another. Ideally we would wait to buy a house but that could be several years away when his ex wife has no option but to get divorced.

I have a job that requires me to live in a specific area and this is also where my primary school aged DC go to school so my housing options are very limited. The alternative would be to buy a cheaper house that would need a lot of work. There are no new builds in this area in my price bracket. I don't qualify for help to buy and there are no shared ownership houses.

The total mortgage is more than affordable for me. It would be half my rent. And it would be a cheaper house to run than my current one as it's a 3y new build versus a 1960s with electric heating.

OP posts:
AwaAnBileYerHeid · 10/10/2021 11:18

I wouldn't even be with a man who was still married, let alone buy a house with him.

But as others have said, his wife could still lay claim to a percentage of the house. Be wary.

creativevoid · 10/10/2021 11:21

Just to clarify my previous post, I was addressing the posters implying OP’s partner can’t be trusted or is a cheater. OP I agree you need rock solid legal advice on this and it will be well worth the money spent to get it, especially if the ex is likely to take the most aggressive position possible.

toomuchlaundry · 10/10/2021 11:23

Would the 'ex wife" not be antagonised that her husband is living with someone else and is putting some marital money into the purchase of a house.

How long have you been together?

HannaHanna · 10/10/2021 11:23

You sound as if you already convinced yourself it’s all perfect.

primrosee · 10/10/2021 11:25

I did this, it worked out well. I got on the property ladder and my % is always mine regardless of what his wife might claim.

It doesn't matter if he's still married - as you will be TENANTS IN COMMON, not joint tenants.

it means you sign what % each of you owns, if his wife wants to go for HIS share so be it. Your share will be yours. My 50% is always mine, and it's 50% on a massive house. His wife could ONLY go after his 50%.

This is a common practice for business partners.
Do it, if it's your only chance to get on the property ladder.

SixTwirlingTutus · 10/10/2021 11:26

I would stroingly recommend you get solicitor advice of your own. It sounds top me like you are determiend to go ahead and ignoring the very sound advice on the thread. Maybe a chat with a solicitor will help clarify things for you.

primrosee · 10/10/2021 11:26

Btw this was few years ago and they're divorced now and house is 'ours' (his 50% mine 50%).

SixTwirlingTutus · 10/10/2021 11:27

Pls excuse typos. I have a cat under one arm.

primrosee · 10/10/2021 11:27

@Prettyconfused

Last thing you want is your new house being considered part of your partner’s marriage assets. Best case, it’ll make things even more complicated for him. And that’s best case.
If they do tenants in common then OP's share is NOT a marital asset. It's kept legally separate.
WorraLiberty · 10/10/2021 11:27

It's complicated and there is a real fear that if his ex wife is antagonised in any way before the case is agreed it could have detrimental wellbeing on his daughter and/or she could be taken out of the country.

And yet him living with another woman while he's still married hasn't pissed her off?

What will, do you think?

whynotwhatknot · 10/10/2021 11:27

No whatever you do dont do this-she can have a claim in the divorce settlement

it already sounds complaicated with her so why do this now just wait till he can get divorced then buy

LynetteScavo · 10/10/2021 11:28

You seem set on doing this OP, and for all the reasons mentioned it's not a good idea.

If he doesn't want to antagonise his wife (she's not his ex wife) by divorcing her, then maybe he shouldn't antagonise her by getting a joint mortgage with you. As a wife, that would very much annoy me. And yes, I'd want the house considered in a divorce settlement.

Fizzbangwallop · 10/10/2021 11:29

No, do NOT get caught up in his divorce settlement. Can you buy a smaller property instead? If you can’t afford to buy on your own and are unable to move to a cheaper area, you will need to keep renting until circumstances change.

Original poster
onedaymaybeone · 10/10/2021 11:29

I'll definitely get legal advice. I'm very open to the advice/feedback. I'm just very limited in my options and trying to find a suitable option. Ideally paying extortionate rent for years isn't ideal. But I absolutely need to protect my financial interests now too.

OP posts: