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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My job and his??!!

26 replies

Patriciathestripper1 · 08/10/2021 21:58

DJ has a history of taking the piss. He works full time for himself, long hours. I help him in the afternoons delivering for him.
I didn’t do a paid job whilst our dd was growing up but I did help him out with accounts, deliveries and do all the childcare cooking, cleaning, shopping ect…
I have recently got a full time job working around dd school hours. It’s hard and I’m on My feet all day and it is very physical. (6 hours) . I got the job because he was forever telling me I am lazy and to nothing.
I must admit the job is hard work and I am dead on my feet when I finish.
He has now started ringing me when I finish work and giving me deliveries from his job to do in the hour before I pick up dd. If I refuse he goes on about how he is up so much earlier than me ect…. I had a row with him tonight saying that when I’m finished work I am tired and don’t want to do his job as well as my own. He said I’m selfish and that he is tired too as he is up earlier than me. He’s caused bad feeling with his mood all night and I’m worn out with it all. Am I being unreasonable to say no do it yourself as I’m working now too. Also I’m still doing all the other stuff on top… cooking ext… ?

OP posts:
LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 08/10/2021 22:02

Wow, YANBU. He needs to hire a lackey.

How is your relationship otherwise?

Original poster
Patriciathestripper1 · 08/10/2021 22:08

It’s as bit of a power struggle to be honest and he has narcissistic tendency’s I’m getting fed up with his shit lately.

OP posts:
MrsRobbieHart · 08/10/2021 22:11

If he wants you to work in his business he needs to put you on the payroll, give you a pension etc.

Sparklesocks · 08/10/2021 22:51

He doesn’t sound like a great partner to be honest OP, he shouldn’t be pushing you into doing work for him because he gets up earlier etc. Especially when you’ve been on your feet all day and manage the household too. Him working longer hours doesn’t mean he gets to push you around. And even when you weren’t working, you were raising your DD and managing the house. That’s still a valuable contribution, you weren’t sitting on your bum.

pictish · 08/10/2021 22:55

He’s not your boss! He’s behaving as though he entitled to demand this of you. He isn’t!
Good god don’t tolerate being his lackey.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 08/10/2021 22:56

Well surely you palm off 50% of all dc care and household duties his way?

spotcheck · 08/10/2021 23:02

Is it a family business which the family relies on for income?
Then surely you can help out? Six hours is not a really long day. You work 8.30 - 2.30 or thereabouts? Surely you can put sometime in for the business?

Rainbowqueeen · 08/10/2021 23:05

He may get up earlier but who has more free time? That’s how you should be measuring things.

He sounds like he is happy if you are miserable. Does that resonate with you? If so, is this really the relationship for you

Original poster
Patriciathestripper1 · 08/10/2021 23:14

Nope I do it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Patriciathestripper1 · 08/10/2021 23:19

When I wasn’t working I used to meet him in the afternoons and take deliveries off him. But he used to go on about me not working being lazy ext..,. That’s what made me get a job. Now he is still expecting me to take deliveries off him after I finish work, whilst I’m still cooking and cleaning and sorting dd.
He moaned tonight because he washed up after dinner.. I’d fallen asleep on settee as I was tired out.

OP posts:
Idony · 09/10/2021 11:16

Sounds like he liked having an unpaid slave he could bully and will continue to do so.

He is not a nice or good person. He's using you as free labour.

WandaLust101 · 10/10/2021 03:34

You deserve so much better!! Sounds like no matter what you do, he will always find fault. This is not about the contribution that you are making -this is about your partner not appreciating all of the things that you are doing. And by the sounds of it, you do a lot.

Ask yourself this: why isn’t he praising you and supporting you and most importantly - THANKING YOU??!!!

He obviously enjoys pushing you around. Don’t let him. Honestly there are so many men out there that will treat you better than this.

Whichcatthatcat · 10/10/2021 04:37

If you have helped him for a number of years, then you were an integral part of the business. He should have been paying you.

However, did you discuss before hand that you would no longer be working the family business?

If you have suddenly stopped making deliveries, i can see how this is difficult for him. He needs to employ someone do the job you were doing.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2021 04:43

You would be so much better off without this bullying prick.

IcedCoffeeAlways · 10/10/2021 04:51

I’m assuming it’s not actually a family business that he’s working in OP? Is he a courier?

Justilou1 · 10/10/2021 05:39

Get out of that marriage.

Shoxfordian · 10/10/2021 06:53

He sounds like a knob
Tell him unless he pays you then you’re not doing it

BlanketPiggy · 10/10/2021 06:56

What an idiot. Has he ever looked after your kids for a day and done all the cooking etc you do? Maybe you could go away for a day out and leave him to see how hard it is?

Papertrain63 · 10/10/2021 07:03

@MrsRobbieHart

If he wants you to work in his business he needs to put you on the payroll, give you a pension etc.
Exactly this OP
fruitypancake · 10/10/2021 07:06

Not a long term solution but ... tell him you finish later than you do! Wink

BlanketPiggy · 10/10/2021 07:15

If he can't manage all his deliveries he needs to hire someone. Or if he's a courier and can't handle his load he needs to reassess if the job is for him.

Wedowonder · 10/10/2021 07:19

He should have been paying you for the delivery time- much like he is now going to have to do when he has to find an employee, now that you are too busy.

Being called lazy would be the last straw op. I would flip

Justilou1 · 10/10/2021 11:40

Does he have a boss? Could you report him???

Original poster
Patriciathestripper1 · 11/10/2021 16:41

Thanks guys for your input. He rang me again the other day to meet him on way home and take some parcels and I told him no as I was tired. He went on a big rant how he gets up at 5am and gets in later than me and how tired he was. Wasn’t interested in my feelings at all and made it all about him. I didn’t do the parcels and he hast talked to me properly since Blush

OP posts:
beautifullymad · 11/10/2021 17:04

@fruitypancake

Not a long term solution but ... tell him you finish later than you do! Wink
Just coming on to say this. You finish a bit later. Either this or leave your phone at home during the day.