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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - Someone threatened to "beat the s"*t out of me"

36 replies

helpforayounggirl · 08/10/2021 17:07

Bit of a long one.
I run an animal charity abroad. We have a lot of kittens to rehome. It's been a bad year.
People look at our FB page. All animals are in foster. Majority of people choose from photos.
A woman calls. She wants a grey, three-month-old male. She fills in the questionnaire. All good.
I don't have that exact kitten. Two weeks later, one arrives.
She lives 400 km away. I explain that the kitten is chipped and has had first vaccines, but as she is so far away and can't use my vet for the castration (normally included in the fee), I'd drop the adoption fee to 60 EUR from 90 EUR, but she'd have to give me a cheque for 200 EUR which I wouldn't cash, but would return as soon as he's had the snip. She also wanted me to meet her halfway to drop him off (400 km round trip). I'm a single mum. And a volunteer. Nobody gets paid in the organisation.
Well, she lost it. She said she didn't know how I had the nerve to ask for money when there were thousands of kittens going for free. She called me an "expat twat". So I told her she was rude and blocked her. She's also an "expat".
She the left a message on my phone saying she was going to "beat the living shit out of me" and that I was a "fucking bitch" and a "fucking old cunt".
So, what am I missing here? It just seems so weird to have this reaction. Do people not expect adoption fees? I thought it was standard. It's written on our page. Maybe not obviously enough though.

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 08/10/2021 17:11

Is she in the UK? Do you have her contact details? I’d take her at her word, assume that she’s capable of physical violence and report her to the police.

You are missing nothing - she is a lunatic.

PaperhouseLegs · 08/10/2021 17:13

Lunatic -lucky escape for the kitten!!!

lifecoachingandotherbollocks · 08/10/2021 17:13

Wow vile

Tal45 · 08/10/2021 17:13

She sounds crazed, thank god you didn't give her a kitten.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/10/2021 17:14

Why are you wanting a cheque for 200 Euros in the first place? That you aren't ever going to cash? Surely you would get him neutered and then take him to his new home - especially as it can be done within the next 2-4 weeks?

TBH, that sounds on the surface of it, dodgy as Hell - which doesn't excuse the threats, but it would be setting off alarm bells in many people's heads to be told that.

Shelddd · 08/10/2021 17:14

When you're working in a professional environment, whether volunteer or not i think you should report 100% of threats, especially if you don't know the person or their history. I would report it as well.

helpforayounggirl · 08/10/2021 17:15

I've thought about that. I'm in France. I have all her details. I just don't know if I can cope with pursuing it. I might make it worse. I did tell the mayor (chef of police for the village), so it's logged. I'm just wondering why she was so so angry.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 08/10/2021 17:17

I wouldn’t be happy with giving over a 200euro check that you wouldn’t cash either. I wouldn’t be nasty like that but I would definitely pull out of the adoption

SentDeliveredRead · 08/10/2021 17:17

Fuck her, report her threats and let het deal with the consequences
She can kiss any adoption goodbye

helpforayounggirl · 08/10/2021 17:20

@NeverDropYourMooncup Our cats always have the full works, but the kittens often leave us before they're 5 months old. To ensure they're sterilised, we ask for a deposit. They send us the certificate from vet, we send the cheque back. It's the only way we can make sure people do it. It's worked for us so far. It's also explained in the contract.

OP posts:
helpforayounggirl · 08/10/2021 17:21

We've never had to cash a cheque.

OP posts:
BlackAlys · 08/10/2021 17:22

@SirChenjins

Is she in the UK? Do you have her contact details? I’d take her at her word, assume that she’s capable of physical violence and report her to the police.

You are missing nothing - she is a lunatic.

100% agree
apalledandshocked · 08/10/2021 17:30

I would assume part of the benefit of asking for adoption fees is to weed out people like that...

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/10/2021 17:31

[quote helpforayounggirl]@NeverDropYourMooncup Our cats always have the full works, but the kittens often leave us before they're 5 months old. To ensure they're sterilised, we ask for a deposit. They send us the certificate from vet, we send the cheque back. It's the only way we can make sure people do it. It's worked for us so far. It's also explained in the contract.[/quote]
Ah, I see.

I wouldn't adopt from anywhere that did that, but maybe there's a different attitude towards neutering where you are? Taking it from your point of view, I suppose being very specific about age and looks of cat could be somebody wanting an attractive animal to breed from, though. even though my next adoption WILL be a black cat because they're the best

Anyhow, she was an abusive dick; I'd have blocked her as well - and put on a list of Never Allow This Person To Adopt in case she got back in touch at a later date.

helpforayounggirl · 08/10/2021 17:37

It's very hard to get people to neuter. And for me, there's no point in rescue if the cats we save go on to breed. Maybe I should think of another way around it if people don't like it though. I could perhaps just ask for a certificate before I change the chip details. So the cat is still ours until it's done. I want something that won't put people off. It's hard enough as it is.
Black cats are wonderful!!!

OP posts:
StaplesCorner · 08/10/2021 17:38

She thinks you're the kitten supermarket and she was keen to go shopping. Fuck her and thank god you didn't have to hand over the kitten. I'm not sure if you are new to this though because animal charities attract all sorts of unsavoury people Sad

helpforayounggirl · 08/10/2021 17:38

Sorry for typos.

OP posts:
kookplanv · 08/10/2021 17:41

She's a pricks me the kitten has had a lucky escape.

I wouldn't have an issue with the cheque!

FangsForTheMemory · 08/10/2021 17:43

I think the kitten's had a lucky escape.

helpforayounggirl · 08/10/2021 17:44

We've been doing it for 7 years. I think I'm quite naïve though. I expect everyone to be decent.

OP posts:
godmum56 · 08/10/2021 17:47

@StaplesCorner

She thinks you're the kitten supermarket and she was keen to go shopping. Fuck her and thank god you didn't have to hand over the kitten. I'm not sure if you are new to this though because animal charities attract all sorts of unsavoury people Sad
This. And I think the cheque is a good idea. Your Continuing to own the kitten won't stop people breeding from them deliberately or accidentally.
Boood · 08/10/2021 17:53

Fwiw I think your deposit policy is a really good idea, and anybody who is put off by it isn’t responsible enough to be trusted with a cat.

Mumkins42 · 08/10/2021 17:57

You're missing nothing. It isn't about the kittens or what you did or didn't do. She is clearly an emotionally unhinged, unstable nut to go to the effort to leave a message like that for you. Keep well clear and hope she never gets a pet of her own

TempNameChangexx · 08/10/2021 17:59

Surely if people aren't planning to get their kittens neutered, they can just cancel the cheque?

(or does that only work on Mumsnet! Grin)

DrSbaitso · 08/10/2021 18:01

You seriously think the issue might be you? You don't seriously think that.

Lucky she's not getting a kitten, can't imagine it being very safe. Au revoir, idiote...

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