Am I a shit employee?

[Lulu2021]

I started a new job in March 2020. Covid hit a few weeks later, which played havoc with our sector leading to lots of changes within the department in terms of job roles and working from home etc (like many sectors). It was literally a matter of weeks into the new job - I'd barely got through my induction and learning where the toilets and fire exits were. It was less than ideal to say the least.

In Aug 2020 our department was given the green light to revert back to business as usual and to do our contracted roles again. I was excited to be able to finally start to do the job I was employed to do. Two weeks later, I found out I was pregnant (slightly sooner than expected; but given I’m closer to 40 than 30, I’d expected to have been trying for longer but it happened straight away for us). No problem, I thought - I will continue to work for another 9 months before maternity leave so I should get a chance to fulfil my actual role for a while.

Then I got sick - very, very sick - with numerous pregnancy related health conditions requiring hospitalisation at one stage. I attempted to continue working but struggled massively and after several discussions with my boss about what to do, I ended up taking the decision to safeguard myself and my unborn baby and go off sick. I returned briefly in the second trimester, working from home as per their Covid policy, but struggled with my ongoing health difficulties and ended up signed off sick again by a GP. This time, on medical advice, I took the decision to stay on sick leave until maternity leave.

I’m part way through maternity leave now and due to return to my role in Jan 2022. Given that my contract started March 2020, it will have been almost 2 years since the start of my employment when I return, and I haven’t actually done any meaningful work for them due to a combination of Covid changing my role temporarily, pregnancy related sickness, and maternity leave.

I obviously that know Covid isn’t my fault and it wasn’t the most ideal start to a brand new job (I also work in a sector that was particularly affected). The pregnancy was always a part of a my long term plan, even before I was offered and secured this job - I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon; and in any case I fully expected to be fit and well throughout my pregnancy and able to work. I couldn’t have predicted the extent of health issues I experienced during pregnancy. I’m also aware maternity leave is my legal right.

However, I’m just very concerned that I’ll be judged negatively on my return to work. I barely know my new colleagues as I haven’t had any real opportunity to get to know them so I feel essentially as though I’m starting a brand new job in January despite having been employed there for almost 2 years by that point. It’s making me not want to go back as I’m so concerned that they will have a poor view of me. I feel like it might look as though I took the job then thought sod this, I'm off to have a baby. But it was really not like that as the baby was always a part of my life plan at this age regardless of whether I'd secured this job in early 2020 or not. I also worry that the sick leave makes me look "weak" and incapable before my boss and colleagues have had a real chance to get to know me properly.

AIBU to feel that I might be judged? Would you judge me negatively as your colleague in these circumstances?

Gosh hadn't expected it to be so long! Sorry

You're not a shit employee, life happens.

I think you need to present yourself almost as a new starter when you return. Keen to learn, enthusiastic, understanding that some of your colleagues will have had experience and bonding in the last two years that you'll need to catch up on.

Honestly it all sounds like bad luck and bad timing.
If it was a small company your absences will hit the bottom line harder than if you’re a big company, but either way they are a company with employees and these things do happen.

Good luck going back. It is daunting but I’d look at it as a clean slate getting into a new job.

You can't help what your colleagues think and you can't change what's happened, all you can do is go back with a positive attitude and do a good job

Everyone on here will probably tell you that they'd be totally fine with you, in all the jobs I've worked at there would have been people who if only to themselves will think you've been paid for nearly 2 years without doing any work and have come back as a total newb, you'll have to get them onside by doing a good job.

You’re not a shit employee

Pregnancy can really fuck some people up and that simply isn’t your fault. People need to have babies to keep the country going, and it’s not fair for your employer to hold you responsible for illnesses which are totally beyond your control.

Treat is as if it's a new job. You should be fine. Any hassle over the maternity leave then go to HR.

That happened in my work except when they came back they were already in the early stages of a new pregnancy so gone again with the same sickness within weeks!! Life just went on and eventually they returned to work full time . There probably was a bit of awkwardness for a day or two but work was busy , we all got on with it and it's forgotten now. And they have their 2 healthy kids.

I’ve never felt like this about anyone who has been on maternity leave or been sick. The people I get fed up with are the ones in work doing sweet FA and/or taking credit for other people’s hard work! Oh and liars, they can get in the bin too 😂 They’re the shit employees, not people like you ❤️

Rule of thumb that I think applies here - if you’re worried that you might be shit employee (or friend, partner, parent etc.) you almost certainly aren't.

The shit ones don't give a shit that they're shit!

Life happens. I wouldn't be judging you negatively but I would think you've got to hit the ground running and prove yourself quickly. And don't use baby as an excuse for anything that isn't real.

I think it’s good advice to get into the frame of mind that you’re starting your ‘new’ job in January 2022.

Tbh I suspect given your timeline that you haven’t found your feet enough to make a massive impact either in taking on roles or leaving them to be covered. This works in your favour because your colleagues won’t have been scrambling to cover a full time, fully up to speed colleague.

The pandemic happened and life happened during the pandemic. Don’t get too hung up on it and don’t give any credit to anyone who does think otherwise - not that I think there’ll be many. I certainly wouldn’t judge you negatively.

I can see why you have a concern and I'd feel the same way too in your shoes.
I think the only thing you can do it go in and do an excellent job from here.
It's been a lot of bad luck combined with bad timing but the problem is your own personal bad luck has coincided with your sector being decimated so everyone's feeling under pressure presumably where as in more normal times your issues would have less impact on the company at large.
Depends on how big your team is and if others have carried your workload for 2 years or if they hired cover etc
I'd say have watertight childcare in place though as that's the next challenge hurtling towards you and you may have less sympathy than you'd hope if you start to have issues with it once you go back to work.

You need to start from scratch, like it is a new job and you are brand new. Do your best and overtime they will only think how great you are.

A fried of mine was in a similar position, (whole pregnancy off) started back beginning of October after 1 year mat leave and now announced new pregnancy with related sick certificate, see ya in 2 years again and honestly she does not give a crap about what other people might think

I have always accepted maternity leave as a fact of working life. I would doubt very much that any other employee has been dwelling on it. If I were your colleague, in the circumstances, I would probably see you much the same as any other new employee.

Congratulations on having got through a rough pregnancy and having your baby.

I wouldn't judge you at all. If Covid has taught me anything it's that people need to be better at prioritising what actually matters. You've got years ahead to learn the job and show your team you're competent. Start afresh as if it was day 1.

What's the point of speculating. You have no idea what their views are. They might feel you took the mikey or they might be over the moon you are now coming back.

Go back and take it from there. It might take a little time for people to trust you but that's ok.

Unless you really have no willingness to go back and are trying to justify your decision. Yes, that would be quite crap, but would you go back just to ease your conscience?

How is the company managing to operate without anyone performing your role for two years?

I was off sick from my job for a year requiring two hospitalizations (not pregancy-related) and after the second one my employer replaced me. I had worked there for many years but it was understandable as they couldn't have a temp in my role long-term.

I did go back to the company (very large corporation) eventually in a different role.

@Zarene

You're not a shit employee, life happens.

I think you need to present yourself almost as a new starter when you return. Keen to learn, enthusiastic, understanding that some of your colleagues will have had experience and bonding in the last two years that you'll need to catch up on.

I agree with this.

It’s not ideal, obviously, but things happen and it’s not like you intended to be ill during pregnancy, it’s not something that happens to most people.

If I had a colleague in this situation I wouldn’t think they were shit, but equally I wouldn’t really have any experience of them at all to think they were good either. You’d be starting from a neutral position with the opportunity to make your reputation what you want it to be.

I guess my point is it depeds entirely on the culture at your company.

Prior to my current place I worked in a public sector organization and I recall several women that started a job, were in the role long enough to pass probabtion and then appeared on and off for the next several years while having several children. No-one batted an eyelid.

Echo previous poster’s about acting as a new starter. I’d really feel like I needed to throw myself in and prove myself.

As someone who is starting a new job after mat leave, the absolute most important thing is decent childcare - so you feel comfortable and don’t worry about them in the day, but also having an excellent back up when they are ill. My husband is the one who will have to take the leave if DS is sick, at least until I’m through probation and feel like I’m starting to make an impact.

Yeah, honesrly there will probably be a bit of scepticism because, you know, that's what people are like.

But the fact you are thinking about it now shows you are not rubbish! IIWY, I'd

• book in KIT half day to meet people before you go back, maybe Nov. If there are any staff briefings, "big" meetings where you could observe, away days etc I'd use one of those to just show your face.

• talk to your boss about how you feel - not in a "heavy" way, but just short meeting to plan your return and emphasise how you know you've been out for a while but keen to get back

• then as others have said, treat it like a new job!

People will be sceptical as they'll assume you're not really coming back. When they see you are, it'll be fine.

Thanks all. Just to answer a few questions.

It's a very large public sector organisation (the largest in the country). So absolutely not a small company.

Yes, I definitely intend to go back and I always have intended to do so. I've worked incredibly hard over decades for my career and I'm not giving that up now!

I'm someone who worries quite a lot about being negatively judged. It's harder because I don't really have established relationships with my team as yet.

I do plan to go back and hit the ground running etc. I have childcare sorted already so that's all in place.

Whatever they think when you first go back it will change very quickly as they become grateful for the impact you coming back has in their workload.

How is the company managing to operate without anyone performing your role for two years?

Presumably the same way they operated without someone in my role for the many years prior. It was vacant post for a while, I believe.

You can't help what your colleagues think and you can't change what's happened, all you can do is go back with a positive attitude and do a good job

I agree with this.

What good can come of you wondering if you're a 'shit' employee? Absolutely none.

Just get back in there and give it your best shot.