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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Get back to your country...

80 replies

Zeropointzero · 08/10/2021 04:10

Do you think it is ok to critisize the current british state of affair,if you are not british?Since Brexit, I have been told a few times:why dont you go back to your country.I have lived here for 37 years.There are many things I like in Britain,but also things I really loathe.

OP posts:
Eviebeans · 08/10/2021 04:14

In my mind after that amount of time you're British. Feel free to comment - things feel grim at the moment don't they.

HerRoyalNotness · 08/10/2021 04:14

Of course it is ok. People who say that don’t have intelligence to say anything else. Surely they should want better for their country too

Dogsandbabies · 08/10/2021 04:17

Of course it is ok to express an opinion . More so since you live here, you pay taxes and use the same services. Whoever said that to you is racist and extremely rude.

onelittlefrog · 08/10/2021 04:31

Yes it's OK.

Don't listen to idiots who tell you otherwise. You are British.

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 08/10/2021 04:34

Of course it is ok. I dont know why some people get so defensive when their country is criticised. It's fine to have an opinion on a country you dont live in and even more so one you do.

Ignore them, they are trying to shut you down.

silentpool · 08/10/2021 04:44

To be fair, a Brit criticising another country would probably get the same response. So, it's probably never going to go down well, anywhere. My view is that the grass is never greener - so I complain on here instead.

Nightbringer · 08/10/2021 05:05

I think this is a general thing said in many countries to many people. I really dislike it.

I once got told it in Ireland, by a relative. Who knows I was born.....in Ireland. She decided that the 'where I am from' was England. I have been told it her in england as I am mixed race, but my looks are also influenced by my grandfather heritage. My accent is English tinged with Irish(moved to England as a child), that no one guesses is Irish. My name is a fairly common one in the UK and when I worked in a call centre I was racially abused by English people because 'I hate Indian call centres' and by minorities for being a woman that works. Yes several customers who, weren't getting their own way went straight to misogyny and to me women shouldn't be working anyway, that's why I was bad a my job and I should get back to the kitchen.

'Get back to....' seems to be the default for idiots, of all races and cultural back grounds.

I don't actually get the defensiveness people have over their own country of residence. But I do think the defensiveness is the world over.

UsedUpUsername · 08/10/2021 05:07

@Zeropointzero

Do you think it is ok to critisize the current british state of affair,if you are not british?Since Brexit, I have been told a few times:why dont you go back to your country.I have lived here for 37 years.There are many things I like in Britain,but also things I really loathe.
I have an outsider’s perspective and I think there’s value in it. If someone doesn’t want to Hear it, fine. I don’t really care
Pokhora · 08/10/2021 05:11

Even if you are British if you criticise the current state of affairs you get told 'why don' t you emigrate then'. Some people are very sensitive to any criticism of their country.

Rangoon · 08/10/2021 05:16

Brits online seem to be keen on putting the boot into NZ at the moment for our covid outbreak. We've lost 29 people since the beginning of covid so it's not as if it's been rampaging though the days of no community cases and us being unmasked and with large gatherings are probably over. Still we had a very good run and the government always knew the time would come when we would get community cases with Delta. They are criticising our PM - everything from her hair to her teeth. There is a vaccine program - everyone in my household is double vaxed. I guess I am being defensive as a previous poster says. I could say that at least we have plentiful supermarket supplies, plenty of lorries and no shortage of petrol, our taxes aren't rising and, hopefully, our electricity and gas bills are not set to surge. We are not pre-ordering turkeys at least though of course our Christmas is in the middle of summer.

ThirdElephant · 08/10/2021 05:18

You could be British after 37 years- surely you'd be entitled to citizenship now?

Vallmo47 · 08/10/2021 05:22

I am not from England but have lived here for 18 years and I truly feel like there’s an element of that everywhere. The longer I have lived here, the more comfortable I feel expressing both positive and negative views, but I am conscious to include both so I don’t offend anyone here. When I go to my birth country, I feel it even more. I’m not allowed to have an opinion there anymore because I left. I’m also referred to as the Brit, which is funny because here I’m the Swede. It’s okay, but it does make me wonder where I’m allowed to belong. My heart is in two places, but my home is now here.

ThirdElephant · 08/10/2021 05:22

Saying that, my grandfather used to bug me with this- he'd moan about the UK constantly, while praising his home country. Eventually it did get to the point of, 'Look, if your home country is such a paradise just move back there! Or stop whining, but one or the other!' Listening to constant negativity is irritating. So I guess it does depend on how obnoxious you're being.

Bumblenums1234 · 08/10/2021 05:26

I don't like the phrase but when people really hate the contry they live in, I do wonder why they don't look to move to somewhere they think is better. Not just people in England, I think the same about anyone in any contry regardless of if they were born and raised there or not.

Nightbringer · 08/10/2021 05:35

I think there's a difference in criticism of a country and the hating the country you live in.

I can see the sense in querying, with someone you know well, why they don't move if they really hate the country they are in.

But if you know someone well, you know it's because they really don't like living here. If something makes you miserable, you need to try and change that thing.

SnackSizeRaisin · 08/10/2021 05:43

It depends on the situation. It could be considered rude to criticize someone else's country. Also it's probably best not to talk about politics unless you're sure the other person is up for a robust discussion. That's a standard British point of etiquette. Stick to blander topics unless you are sure. And general constant moaning would probably annoy me whoever did it. I would be more likely to suggest that they stand for election or campaign to change things than go back home though!

So totally dependent on the context and situation.

LadyWithLapdog · 08/10/2021 05:45

@Nightbringer

I think there's a difference in criticism of a country and the hating the country you live in.

I can see the sense in querying, with someone you know well, why they don't move if they really hate the country they are in.

But if you know someone well, you know it's because they really don't like living here. If something makes you miserable, you need to try and change that thing.

It’s that simple, is it? Like getting rid of a pair of knickers because they’re now full of holes.
LadyWithLapdog · 08/10/2021 05:47

There you have it, OP. After 37 years here somebody can still patronise you and explain British etiquette to you.

Simonjt · 08/10/2021 05:59

Of course its fine, the only people who have a problem with it are racists, and who in their right mind would value the views of a racist?

Nightbringer · 08/10/2021 06:02

It’s that simple, is it? Like getting rid of a pair of knickers because they’re now full of holes.

Defensiveness at its best.

You really didn't read what I wrote....at allConfused

UnsuitableHat · 08/10/2021 06:04

People who say that sort of thing are just being ignorant and are best ignored. Be proud of your nationality.

LadyWithLapdog · 08/10/2021 06:14

You can’t even move neighbourhood easily, let alone country. You can criticise or moan or even hate where you live, but you’ve got your job nearby and your kids go to school there and you need £££ more to move somewhere better, and that place has its own drawbacks. So to say you can just change countries and go away if you don’t like it is so naive. Plus, brexit happened and that curtailed freedom of movement. Plus, brexit happened, Britons really hated others coming over here etc.

Allycott · 08/10/2021 06:17

Which "British affairs" are you referring to? Is it the general state of the economy; a legal process; societal attitudes? I guess depending on who you are talking to and the subject will determine their response. I don't believe that the response would be the same from every one.

Original poster
Zeropointzero · 08/10/2021 06:26

Thank you so much for all your kind replies.I absolutely love the beautiful landscapes in England,Wales and scotland.I do love the whole volunteering attitude here,the selfless care for others(in my native country, almost nobody would work for no money),i do love the british humour and of course I do love my british friends.I absolutely loathe the Flag waving at the moment,it is repulsive.I think,really confident people dont need to boast.

OP posts:
Tilltheend99 · 08/10/2021 06:29

@Pokhora

Even if you are British if you criticise the current state of affairs you get told 'why don' t you emigrate then'. Some people are very sensitive to any criticism of their country.
There are some people who don’t think about anything outside of their day to day bubble and if you mention something that challenges the status quo and causes them to actually use their brain for a splint second it freaks them out and they become defensive and irrational. No excuse for racism or xenophobia though.