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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Get back to your country...

80 replies

Zeropointzero · 08/10/2021 04:10

Do you think it is ok to critisize the current british state of affair,if you are not british?Since Brexit, I have been told a few times:why dont you go back to your country.I have lived here for 37 years.There are many things I like in Britain,but also things I really loathe.

OP posts:
Nightbringer · 08/10/2021 06:29

@LadyWithLapdog

You can’t even move neighbourhood easily, let alone country. You can criticise or moan or even hate where you live, but you’ve got your job nearby and your kids go to school there and you need £££ more to move somewhere better, and that place has its own drawbacks. So to say you can just change countries and go away if you don’t like it is so naive. Plus, brexit happened and that curtailed freedom of movement. Plus, brexit happened, Britons really hated others coming over here etc.
Again, you clearly didn't read or understand what I posted.

Where did I say its easy to move? Though the above poster mentioned a relative who wasn't born here, they would find it easier to move. Not easy, but easier. Especially, since they feel their birth country was far better.

And if the person you know well gives those reasons, that's their reasons. Where did I say anyone should continue to tell them they should move? Or tell them to move at all. There's a difference between a query and demanding someone does something.

I don't live in the country I was born in. Don't live near my family now either. I could fly to another country quicker than drive to see my family. People move back to their country of birth all the time, taking their kids. People move to countries they aren't from all the time. People remove kids from schools. People move away from family and friends. Why are you pretending its impossible? Its difficult for many reasons. But not impossible.

And people move neighbourhoods very often.

If you think there's no difference between quering why someone (who you know very well) doesn't leave when they are truly miserable and saying 'get back to your country' when someone slightly criticises the country, there's not much else I can say.

Like I said, immediate defensiveness. Which usually leads people to misconstrue and twist people's opinions, to justify you poor behaviour.

Its the same train of thought the people who immediately snap 'go back to your own country' have.

You arent that different.

rrhuth · 08/10/2021 06:32

@ThirdElephant

You could be British after 37 years- surely you'd be entitled to citizenship now?
There are so many reasons people don't opt for citizenship. If you had to give up citizenship of a properly functioning nation because your original home disallows dual citizenship, you might think twice at the moment!

In terms of the op, you are fine to speak your mind, but yes, anti-immigrant dickheads will try to shut you down.

toothpicklover · 08/10/2021 06:34

I’d loathe flag waving in any country tbh. Look at America, those that keep waving that flag are trump supporters.
There’s lots bad about this country and lots of good, think this is the same for many countries.

I also think I that if you are constantly moaning about uk then it’s not really that unreasonable to ask ‘why don’t you just go home?’ At Jesse you have a choice, unlike many British people who are now stuck here 🤷‍♀️

LadyWithLapdog · 08/10/2021 06:35

@Nightbringer well bully for you and your free spirit and emigrating easily.

toothpicklover · 08/10/2021 06:37

At least not Jesse ffs!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/10/2021 06:38

I don’t always think it’s said by racists- of course everyone has the right to criticise any regime and government and anything for that matter of fact. It’s the people who choose to live in the U.K. who say we are the most intolerant, most racist, most awful country that honestly can be asked why are you here if you have other options (lots of people don’t have options, neither the nationality or skills to easily relocate).

ThirdElephant · 08/10/2021 06:40

There are so many reasons people don't opt for citizenship. If you had to give up citizenship of a properly functioning nation because your original home disallows dual citizenship, you might think twice at the moment!

Oh, I know, my grandfather was never a citizen of the UK, despite living here for twice as long as he lived in his home country. He could have retained citizenship of his own country while applying for it here as well- there's no issue with dual nationality there- but he never considered himself at all British because he felt Britain was rubbish. He'd buy all his food from a local shop that imported everything from his home country because he wouldn't eat 'that crap' (British food, despite the fact that most of the stuff in British shops wasn't grown here anyway). 🤷 He was an interesting, if rather irrational, chap.

nettie434 · 08/10/2021 06:43

No country is perfect and so there will always be valid criticisms about something. Just because a person criticises some aspects of life in Britain doesn't mean they want (or are even able) to live elsewhere. Carry on criticising and praising wherever you think it is needed! Personally, I think it's good to hear different perspectives.

PersephoneJames · 08/10/2021 06:48

@Pokhora

Even if you are British if you criticise the current state of affairs you get told 'why don' t you emigrate then'. Some people are very sensitive to any criticism of their country.
This!! Usually said without a hint of irony by the fuckers who ripped away the freedom of movement to do just that.
Nightbringer · 08/10/2021 06:54

[quote LadyWithLapdog]@Nightbringer well bully for you and your free spirit and emigrating easily.[/quote]
Who said it was easy?

I was brought here as a minor. I moved away from the area my family settled in. And moved neighbourhoods several times. Most recently, to move to a cheaper area as I had become a single parent after fleeing my abusive husband.

Definitely not easy. But it can be an option for people who are truly miserable about where they live.

If someone you know has something causing misery in their life, why would you not try and talk it out and see what would help them.

Entirely different to demanding that someone leaves the country because they don't like something about the country they live in.

NavigationCentral · 08/10/2021 06:54

@ThirdElephant

You could be British after 37 years- surely you'd be entitled to citizenship now?
It isn’t solely about entitlement though. It’s about whether someone wants British citizenship or not. I am eligible. Have been a while. But I won’t go for it. 1) first because my country of origin doesn’t allow dual citizenship and would remove my citizenship the minute I get citizenship of another country and I won’t give up my original citizenship. And 2) second I do not want to be a citizen formally of Britain, and I do not want to go through the citizenship ceremony. So I love and work here pursuing my career, paying my taxes and raising my family with my indefinite leave to remain. My spouse is naturally British as are our kids.
Essen · 08/10/2021 06:59

The longest I have ever lived in another
Country was 7yrs. That was far too soon to criticise it to people who were from there. It is a guaranteed way of bringing out the xenophobe in almost anyone. I doubt that changes much after 37yrs. It does depend how it is done though and how much the people you are talking to agree with you.

MarshaBradyo · 08/10/2021 07:04

Can you give an example? Is it people you know / work with or just random interaction

RantyAunty · 08/10/2021 07:08

Australia is the same.

I hardly complain here but the few times I have, others don't hesitate to tell me off.
Funny these people have no issue with disparaging my home country

I get the impression that even with citizenship and living here many years, some will never see me as Australian.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 08/10/2021 07:11

I think anyone who lives here has the right to comment. People who are British but living in tax havens, not so much

Wannakisstheteacher · 08/10/2021 07:16

@Rangoon, personally I think it’s less criticism and more horror that you’ve actually all just blindly gone alone with it. I do think some other countries will start asking for tips on quote how to produce just an overly compliant population.

apalledandshocked · 08/10/2021 07:19

If it helps, I live in the Netherlands and even though people are generally lovely (and I do like it here) there are some things you just can't criticise. Case in point: I was talking to someone who asked me how I found the Netherlands, I said I liked it, they pressed me to name something I disliked and eventually I said I did miss hills/mountains. They got so cross "we do have hills. You need to go to xxxx etc etc". The Dutch landscape is beautiful but they are NOT known for their hills. I dont think I was being that controversial [controversia] . So now I just assume any invitation to criticise is a trap...

Seymour5 · 08/10/2021 07:20

I was born in Scotland and I’ve lived in the UK all my life, in different parts and in quite different circumstances at times. Fitting in isn’t always easy even if you’re not discernibly different. My view has always been that where I’m the newcomer, I try and adapt to the status quo.

What I struggle with is when people choose to move countries then don’t even try to adapt, or even accept a different way of life.

Tanith · 08/10/2021 07:23

I shut the last one up by pointing out that Boris Johnson is foreign-born.

Schulte · 08/10/2021 07:23

Ha, I haven’t been told to get back to my country but I ask myself quite a lot whether it isn’t time to leave! Unfortunately the DDs are not keen.

gofg · 08/10/2021 07:24

It hasn't gone unnoticed @Rangoon. I personally don't understand why people can't just concentrate on their own country's response to the pandemic instead of trying to tell others what they should be doing.

Anyway, they can put the boot in all they like - I know where I prefer to be, now and always.

Girlmum89 · 08/10/2021 07:24

I was born in Britain and you’ve still lived in Britain longer than me. If living in Britain for 37 years doesn’t give you the right to complain about Britain I don’t know what does!! You’re as British as they come to me

theDudesmummy · 08/10/2021 07:32

I am British by birth, DH is naturalised British and lived there 15 years. He felt (and was) just as entitled as I was to comment on the shitshow of Brexit and Tory politics and xenophobia, he was living there, raising his children there, paying taxes there. No-one actually told either of us us "if you don't like it, leave" but in the end that is what we did...

OhWhyNot · 08/10/2021 07:33

I’ve lived in a few countries

Where ever I’ve been people will get defensive over their home country (where they were born) even if they are not particularly fond of their home country

I was in the states years ago and they had a programme on about the royals. They were asking was it time to become a republic (something I agree with) but I found myself getting annoyed and thinking what has it got to do with you Blush

honkytonkheroe · 08/10/2021 07:36

You will always find ignorant people. I’m not sure what the percentage is but some days it feels quite high.

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