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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anyone watch Maid on Netflix?

51 replies

Anonymice1 · 07/10/2021 14:49

I have (luckily) little experience of homelessness, abuse or even poverty for that matter. For some reason as a parent it really struck a chord with me. I think Andie MacDowell did a fantastic job at playing the grandmother (and I did not know the main character was her real daughter). The main character Alex made so many stupid decisions, but I guess that too is very realistic and not to be judged.

However, I searched for Maid online just to see what other people thought about the series, and found it a bit shocking how many people are supporting Sean and the father, and basically reducing Alex to a bullshit victim.

Are people taking the piss, or do so many people actually think abusers, even emotional abusers, are right?

(No spoilers please!)

OP posts:

Sausagedogsarethebest · 07/10/2021 15:13

I'm watching this at the moment, currently on episode 7. Alex has indeed made many bad choices in her life, but she does seem to have been let down by a lot of people - her mother, father, husband etc. I'm definitely not supporting Sean; not at this stage anyway.

On a side note, the little girl that plays Maddy is simply adorable!

Original poster

Anonymice1 · 07/10/2021 15:17

@Sausagedogsarethebest she is very cute. She does sleep a lot though! 😅

OP posts:

Notplannedforthis · 07/10/2021 15:22

I loved this series and binge watched it.

I like that they didn't make Sean a one dimensional 'badie' as that's not what it's like in real life. Can't believe people are saying he's in the right though.

The little girl is adorable.

KimmyKimdoo · 07/10/2021 15:25

I was so taken by this series! Cried a lot watching it, I thought it was just really raw and beautiful. Plus the little girl is adorable. Who on Earth could watch that and side with Sean?! Although I screamed at the TV during the birthday party as it made me so angry that she’d allow that to happen. Also her sleeping with Sean was awful decision making too. I loved the ending and won’t forget that story for a long time.

Iamblossom · 07/10/2021 15:29

DH and I are really enjoying it. I like how it shows that things can just spiral and anyone could end up in that situation after a few unexpected bends and twists in the road.

Threewheeler1 · 07/10/2021 15:31

On episode 4 at the mo! Desperate to find some extra time to watch all in one go. At which point I shall return to the thread but so far am finding it really well made & moving.

Original poster

Anonymice1 · 07/10/2021 15:36

@KimmyKimdoo Agree with the birthday party.

OP posts:

puffylovett · 07/10/2021 15:38

I’ve binged it over the last few days and really enjoyed it. I loved Andie mcdowell and Margaret qualley. There were times Alex frustrated me and I’m not going to lie - there were also times I really felt for Sean, he was quite obviously a product of his environment but it did come across that he tried hard to change. Him finding out that she was leaving with his daughter for Montana was a very very real trigger for him and I could sort of understand his reaction. I’m not saying it was the right reaction because of course it wasn’t, but the fact he did react was understandable. If that makes sense!
All in all it was really thought provoking and I thought Alex was lucky to have landed on her feet a few times (for instance with Regina - who could very easily have gone a different way). There must be so many people in similar situations who just fall completely through the net.

Original poster

Anonymice1 · 07/10/2021 16:06

@puffylovett I felt for Sean too, and I don’t blame his reaction in wanting to see his daughter.

OP posts:

Herecomesspring1 · 07/10/2021 16:29

I've been tempted to watch it but haven't done so yet as I'm concerned it might show heavy domestic abuse and be upsetting for me (triggers) - what's the general feel of it? No spoilers, obvs!

Mumofsend · 07/10/2021 16:31

@Herecomesspring1its nearly entirely emotional and coercive rather than physical.

I'm a previous victim and it really resonated just how hard it is to rebuild. If anyone wants to know "why doesn't she leave" it showed it so well.

Original poster

Anonymice1 · 07/10/2021 16:40

@Herecomesspring1 mostly emotional abuse not physical. It’s more that you really want her to leave but how hard it is.

OP posts:

patchysmum · 07/10/2021 17:20

just finished it and I think she did the right thing in the end. I also was surprised the the main character and her mum and daughter are the same in real life. To answer the OP no, no kind of abuse is right in any way. It is so sad that so many in domestic abuse shelters return 3 or 4 times before they manage to leave for good

PerseverancePays · 07/10/2021 17:37

I thought it was very good. It wasn’t sugarcoated neither was it superfluous in sex or violence. A young woman making her way with a lot stacked against her and precious little support. She never succumbs to drink, drugs or fags but keeps getting up and keeps going. Good stuff.

thenewduchessofhastings · 07/10/2021 21:54

Watching this was an emotional roller coaster that's for sure.I think it highlights perfectly how saying to someone suffering domestic abuse "why don't you just leave" is a insensitive question and just how difficult it actually it to walk away.

Every woman who's made it out is a hero.

TrainforSpeed · 07/10/2021 22:06

I've watched the first episode and didn't like it. Too much sad downtrodden woman. Does it get more interesting then?

TiddleTaddleTat · 07/10/2021 22:13

Really enjoying this too. I'm up to the penultimate episode and was in tears through episode 9. Made me want to do more to support DV causes, refuges etc. The odds are just stacked against her, aren't they? So many people in her life just using her and abusing her. Just one person trying to help like Regina making such a difference. Very moving.

CookiesNookie · 07/10/2021 22:33

I watched it last weekend until 5am the morning. I don’t think I was able to go to bed without seeing how it all ended.
I was also pleasantly surprised to see that Alex the character was or is Andie MacDowell’s real life daughter.

It also highlights the benefits system and I know some single parents had good and bad experiences with both Universal Credit and Tax Credits but I’m not sure whether it was that difficult for a British born single parent to get immediate help in comparison with how they showed Americans struggle. You can’t get help unless you have a job but you can’t get a job unless you have childcare which you need a job for and a house in the local area. As a non British single parent in full time education doing cleaning as a sideline this totally resonated with me but at the same time I’m so thankful for not having to struggle the way Alex did when I left my husband. There was a real struggle but not for the basics. And I’ve paid my own Uni fees the first two years from my cleaning jobs. But thankfully getting funding for my final year.

leavesthataregreen · 07/10/2021 22:46

I just finished watching tonight and thought it was great. I loved how believable it was. No one was a goodie or a baddie. They were all just flawed people trying to get through life. I liked how annoying Alex could be - constantly on the scrounge from people - using Nate, her mum, Sean, her dad, Regina, and then blaming them all for being awful people. But she only ever used them out of desperation brought on by poverty. If she'd had a steady wage and cheap housing, she wouldn't have had any of these problems.

CookiesNookie · 07/10/2021 23:51

@leavesthataregreen

But that happens in real situations. No one wants to rely on ex’s or parents etc or even friends but due to the system or situation you are in you have no option. When I applied to Uni my ex weren’t on the scene as he stopped seeing the kids only popping in now and then. Literally as I was about to start he decided he wanted to see them more as he was now in a new relationship a month after splitting from the one he had the affair with. This should have been a bonus for me him wanting to see the kids. Would give me some study time etc that I didn’t think I’d get. But at the start it was very much when he wanted to. I wish I could have then walked away as I don’t have family in this country but my timetable came out and as a full time business student my hours were four days a week starting sometime at 9am with another module finishing at 4:15 or one starting at 4 ending at 6:15. It used to really upset me that what I thought or how the Uni said our timetables would be family friendly for mature students were never ever family friendly. So I had to beg and plead daily for him to help causing massive stress especially during exam times. Even now in my final year I have two 6:15pm ends with Mondays starting at 9am 2nd one finishing at 3:30 and 3rd one at 6:15. plus another day a 3:30 end. With three 9am starts. This is only 4 modules by the way stretched over a whole week. The only plus part is my eldest are now older to help and my youngest is in her final year of primary.

Catflapkitkat · 08/10/2021 01:08

I watched it over the weekend and I keep thinking about it. One of the saddest bits was when Alex cannot believe the friend she made from her first time at the DV goes back to her abusive partner and she begs the DV shelter manager to contact her. The shelter manager said it takes X amount of times to leave fully Then Alex accidentally ends up back with Sean and he won't charge her phone, insisting they share one, and he gives her car back to Nate leaving her in the middle of nowhere with no transport. And then she breaks down knowing she is back where she started - back with Sean. When walks in with a pack of beer ......

The character I did struggle with was her Father - he seemed more concerned with Sean than with his own daughter. I get that he saw himself in Sean, and maybe he thought by helping Sean he was helping Alex but to not give a statement that he had seen abusive behaviour was a low point.

Pinkbonbon · 08/10/2021 01:17

I don't like the portrayal of the abuser at all tbh. They've gone for the old troupe of 'he is only bad when he drinks' bullshit.

I'd much rather that insread of trying to make him some tortured soul who has 'layers' that they showed gaslighting, fake niceness and general manipulations.

Homemadearmy · 08/10/2021 01:57

@Pinkbonbon, I think that was the point to show the other side of the abusiver. I don't think it is the case that they are all deliberately evil and controlling he was the product from his own awful upbringing and he was deperately trying to change.
It really made me think, can they change. I've always been of the leopard can't change his spots mentally. But I want him to.have a chance too. He did right by his daughter. It wasn't games and gaslighting

I was in a abusive relationship. But my ex deliberately lied and gas lighted me. There was no underlying love. He knew what he was doing. He wasn't the product if a terrible upbringing. He was a narcissist

Pinkbonbon · 08/10/2021 03:24

And the very fact that this show has made you think 'can they change?' highlights EXACTLY why I think it's a toxic portrayal. And why it made me uncomfortable with the way they presented him.

The vast majority of abusers bloody well are evil. And the vast majority of the ones who 'only get abusive when they drink' do so because they PLAN to use the drink as an excuse. Not because it makes them into a monster, but because they want to pretend it does.

There could be women who have been abused watching it now and thinking 'oh, but Sean wasn't all bad, he was just going through some shit...maybe it's the same for my ex'. Which is really worrying.

Pinkbonbon · 08/10/2021 03:36

I mean I get that it's not always black and white of course. But I just think the narrative of 'oh but bullies must have a reason for bullying' just isn't healthy.

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