To be angry at my parents for not reporting? Trigger Warning.

[RollonFridayPlease]

Hi,

I'm in my mid 30's and have always struggled with my MH. Mostly in the form of anxiety and intrusive thoughts. It all began in my early teens, but looking back, I was always quite an anxious child.

Anyway, when I was about 14, I was possibly at my lowest and was no longer attending school full time and was being home schooled...sort of. It was actually a bit of a nightmare and on the days my parents were working, I would get a bus into town on my own, with their knowledge and just wander around. I was quite often leered at by men of all ages, sexually harassed and sometimes even followed.

One time I was followed into the public toilets and was flashed and was even touched. I can still hear his voice and the disgusting things that he said to me like it just happened. I was absolutely terrified and frozen with fear. I didn't leave the toilets for about an hour.

When I got home, I told my mum and dad what happened. As embarrassed as I was, I left nothing out and was very upfront about what he did to me and the vile things he said. I expected my dad to hit the roof with anger, but instead, they both calmly said that they didn't think it was worth getting the police involved. They weren't happy about it, but at the same time, not that enraged, as I would certainly be if it were my dc!

I kept explaining that where it happened was CCTV and it would almost certainly have been caught, but they still insisted that the police probably wouldn't do anything and to let it go.

All these years later and it still massively effects me. I think the case of Sarah Everard has really brought things to the forefront of my mind, as now I actually feel guilt. Real guilt. I could have saved another girl/woman from being subjected to that or worse. I'm almost certain I wouldn't have been a one off, so therefore I'm almost certain I could have helped stop this from happening again.

As a mum, I can not get my head around their decision. I could have overruled them, but decided they must be right. Must know something about the system that I didn't, but I now know they were wrong, weren't they?

I'm very close to them. I love them very much and I know they love me, so it makes it so much harder to understand.

Am I right to feel this way? I haven't enabled voting, as I don't want this to feel like a poll. I honestly just would like some clarity and advice.

Thank you.

I got sexually assaulted (flashed, and pinned against a wall and groped repeatedly despite trying to push him away) In a nightclub 4 years ago (whilst on a night out with my husband who had just popped to the toilet at the time) and I was stood in the immediate view of cctv. I reported it to the police immediately, identified the man at the scene and they came and took the man away immediately, cctv was provided where (I was told) it was clear as day to identify him, I was also called in to identify him by going through photos on a computer at the station and I’m very confident that I picked the correct man.
However this dragged on and I was eventually told nothing further would be done, nothing on his record as it was his first reported offence and he seemed remorseful.
The nightclub was brilliant at helping me and the police just made me feel like I was wasting their time and making a big deal out of nothing. Unfortunately it would make me apprehensive about reporting anything similar again. It would have been hard to go through all of that especially at only 14 years old.
Not saying your parents were right (I think they should have supported you if you wanted to take it further) but i just shared my experience as even if you had reported and gone through the steps it doesn’t mean anything would have come from it or that it would necessarily prevent him from doing something again to someone else in the future.
Most importantly I’m so sorry you had to experience that op!

OP - in case you need anyone else to tell you that that almost certainly nothing useful would have been done had your parents reported the incident, read this in today's guardian:

www.theguardian.com/world/2021/oct/07/indecent-exposure-flashing-sarah-everard-police-response

Sadly, all these years later it reiterates what most of us already know - these incidents are not taken seriously by police, even when they are reported.