Why does everyone appear to be pregnant when you’ve miscarried 😞

[1988TBT]

It’s everywhere… people announcing on Facebook… people out and about. I’m so jealous… does it pass? I keep thinking how pregnant I should be now and the things I should be doing.

I lost my baby at the beginning of the month, I was 12 weeks.

Can't do anything but say I know, I've been there and sending unmumsnetty hugs and this too will pass.
Its bloody shit and awful, and I've spent lots of time silent crying in work toilets (esp during the EP clinic days as work in a hospital) but it does get better.

Sorry for the ramble there, hope it made sense.

I've been there too OP, sending hugs

I had this last year.
Unfollow (not unfriend) them. It helped me when everyone but me seemed pregnant or due when I was.

2021 I have my baby. I wish you lots of love and luck xx

Sending hugs OP, it really is an awful feeling. I had a mc in June last year and would feel a wrench in my gut at all the pregnancy announcements etc. It’s not that you aren’t happy for people it’s just the constant reminder of what would have been.

For me the feeling eased with time but didn’t really go fully until I fell pregnant again. Look after yourself and take time to recover fully, it’s very early days

Thank you, it’s nice to know I’m not alone 😢

I'm so sorry. It was the same when my brother took his own life. All I seemed to hear around me was people joking about suicide. It's just that you become super-sensitive to what you are grieving.

It seemed to be that every miscarriage I had more and more people announced their pregnancies. My 4th loss I found the hardest because a work colleague and my niece by marriage were also expecting too and as awful as it sounds I was angry that they were able to bring their healthy babies home and yet I wasn't. Even now months later each announcement still tears me apart but now I just unfollow but stay friends

Huge hugs to you @HopingForOurRainbowBaby x

So sorry for your loss. I miscarried twins are 12 weeks eighteen months ago and can really relate to how you are feeling. It honestly does get easier with time. I think from time to time how old they would be now etc and I’m sure it will never leave me, but the pain is not raw any more. A colleague posted photos of her newborn on fb yesterday and I had commented on how gorgeous he was before I even thought of my own situation and without feeling that awful sick jealousy that I used to feel.

I guess it depends on your situation too. I already have 2 DCs and we have now decided not to try any more so I am trying to find peace with it. It may be different if you don’t already have children.

I take a lot of comfort from knowing that there are so many women out there who have been through the same thing. We are all virtually holding each other’s hands. Good luck for the future.

Oh my lovely I’m so sorry. I lost my first. Mmc discovered at 13 weeks. It was so so very unbelievably hard.
Worked in a school. Teen pregnant. Due when I should have been. Can’t even describe how I felt.
You’re grieving. Do whatever you need to do to get through this.

Ah OP I’ve been there.

It’s like a landslide of baby and pregnancy announcements 🥺

Take yourself away from social media for a bit, everything is so heightened on it and when you’re feeling low then someone else’s joy just cuts like a knife.

Sending love to you

So many people had babies during the 5 years we had repeated miscarriages (Hughes syndrome). It’s heartbreaking. We had fertility treatment and now have 2 mid teens. I am an old mum tho. I’ll never really get over what I went through (DH wasnt supportive so I was alone)

I am so sorry for your loss . I can completely empathise, I've had a few mcs and every single time it felt like everyone around me at work, etc, were getting pregnant. I don't know if this was the case or if maybe I was just more attuned to it.

I remember a week after my first mc, I was walking through a street market and saw a girl I knew through work who was heavily pregnant. It really stung and I felt so upset that instead of seeing her and thinking 'that will be me in a few months', I was thinking 'that would have been me in a few months',, and 'that should be me in a few months'.

It did get better but it really sucks. Hope you are ok

@1988TBT thank you, you too

I felt the same OP, it's torture. I seem to have really good mental health overall, but the days after my MC were the worst I've ever felt in my life. It did get a lot easier after a few weeks, it is hormones settling down and that's obviously not to belittle it.

I've been there too OP, me and my best friend did ivf at around the same time, I miscarried and she had a baby. It was really really hard. You're definitely not alone feeling like this but it will get easier and it will be your turn one day.

So sorry OP

After my MCs as hard as it was I tried to look at any pregnant people in a different way. As we really don't know what they have been through to get to that stage of pregnancy, or what problems they may be having during pregnancy. Many pregnancys have complications and/or follow Misscarrage. It will happen for you please don't give up if that's what you want. I found speaking about my MCs openly helpful, and when you talk about it you will be surprised how many people have been through it and have support to offer. I hate that it is so hush hush and there is very little support out there. Allow yourself to grieve for the loss of your baby, hopes and dreams, It will get easier but it takes time.

I'm so sorry OP. It's the worst thing. I have to say that for me, unfortunately, only the passing of time helped. I also lost a close friendship over it, though, which still stings sometimes. But 1.5 years on things are better - another friend had her baby around the same time I was due and seeing him grow up etc is now the only thing that really makes me sad about the one I lost.

I know exactly how you feel. I had an early miscarriage in 2019 and then a year of heartbreak desperately trying to conceive whilst everyone around me seemed to be pregnant. At work, 4 people announced they were pregnant in the time I was trying.

My heartache made me realise how hard it can be for people without us knowing. When I finally conceived DD2, I didn’t post endless updates to Facebook or loads of bump pictures. I tried to be considerate.

I can remember this each time, whether ivf failure or miscarriage and that was in the days before Facebook. It did get less raw with time but probably only really eased properly when I had my sons. I steeled myself for another loss with pregnancy number 5 ( had DS1 so did always remember that and count myself lucky then) as a friend was pregnant, probably about three weeks ahead of me. She had the mc and I had DS2 and in its own way that was horrible too. Folks were congratulating us and I felt I had to protect her. She had two DC and was focusing on that but the pregnancy would have been a much wanted third.
I would have avoided social media as I did avoid spending time with pregnant women. Couldn’t always be avoided though. One Christmas when SIL was pregnant was the worst.
💐

Lots of hugs to you.

It does get easier. I lost 3 babies last year and 1 a few years before that. I'm currently 36 weeks. It does feel like everyone is expecting as you are more aware of it. Hope you are ok x

I'm sorry for your loss

It’s called the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon or the frequency illusion, like when you buy a new car and then seem to see that type of car everywhere (unless maybe it’s a Lamborghini?). But really, you’ve been through a terrible time, and unfortunately, your brain is going to focus on every instance of pregnancy around you when in “normal” times, you might not notice even half of them, or more. Like, you might scroll past a Facebook acquaintance’s mention of a new pregnancy and forget it in five minutes if you weren’t suffering this loss. It’s absolute shit, very unfair, and I’ve noticed it happens to almost everyone who loses a pregnancy for a while. and I do think it gets a bit better slowly, with the caveat that multiple miscarriages can make it worse.

It's hellish. A lot of the time it's your age - if you're trying for a baby, probably so are all your friends of a similar age.

I had three miscarriages. When I got pregnant the 4th time, by IVF with PGD, I was into Eastenders at the time and Kat got pregnant exactly the same time I did. I thought brilliant, I'm going to miscarry again and I won't be able to even do something as everyday as watch Eastenders. Then Kat lost the fictional baby (blunt force trauma to the abdomen IIRC, which accounts for about 0% of real life miscarriages and about 90% of television miscarriages) and I felt in some sort of weird superstitious way, it was the universe's way of telling me this time it was going to work.