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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To suggest a Secret Santa for the adults in the family

43 replies

Tothemoonandbackx · 06/10/2021 14:11

Every year I do the same damn thing, a kind of budget is set between family members on how much we'll spend on gifts for each other, let's say £20/£30 each person, and every year, I go over it!!!! To my own annoyance, I am a people pleaser, I try my hardest to make gifts personal and thoughtful, and this I why I end up overspending. I think I haven't bought enough, or it doesn't look like I've spent the amount we've set, so over compensate by buying more and every year, my bank balance takes a hit. This year, I was going to suggest doing a Secret Santa, we all pick someone out of a hat, set a budget, maybe a slightly higher one then an individual, so something around £50 maybe, that way, everyone will get a present/s but they only have to do it for one person. I really don't want to look like I'm being tight, but there's 16 adults I usually buy for, and last year I spent just shy of £700 on them alone. WIBU to suggest it, I think to be honest, there are a few that would appreciate it too.

OP posts:
itsme189 · 06/10/2021 14:28

We do it in my family we have a £100 budget and then people can actually get one really good thing like I got my Dad a fitbit last year. Normally he gets 10 toblerones and enough socks to last him till Easter. I got some really good tickets to a theatre show I wanted to see!

Freshstart2014 · 06/10/2021 14:31

I do this with my sisters every year . So much easier !!

TakeYourFinalPosition · 06/10/2021 14:34

I think it’s probably too late to suggest it for this year, unless you know everyone is a late buyer…

But otherwise it really depends on the family. It’d go down like a lead balloon with mine, they like picking and exchanging gifts and wouldn’t want to only get one thing; but it does work really well with some families..

And it probably depends how close you all are. Like the person above has a £100 budget - perfect if you know what someone would want for £100, but there’s a decent third of me & DHs family that I can happily pick something for £30/40 for that I think they’d like, but I’d hate the pressure of spending £100 and getting their only present!

Notaroadrunner · 06/10/2021 14:36

Buying for 16 adults is ridiculous. Absolutely suggest it but do it asap before others start shopping. And if you decide on £50 then spend that and don't go over!

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 06/10/2021 14:38

YANBU, it's exactly what we do in my family with a set budget, as I have a ridiculous number of siblings and ILs. It means you give, and get, one good present instead of 12 small crappy ones and massively reduces stress and cost all round.

CorpusCallosum · 06/10/2021 14:38

Do it! 16 adults is ridiculous!!

There are apps like draw names which help you virtually pick names out of a hat. People can also write a list of what they'd like so you don't have the pressure of spending £50-100 on something you don't know they want.

WhatHaveIFound · 06/10/2021 14:38

We've had a secret santa (£25 limit) in our family for the last couple of years and it's worked really well. It take a lot of stress out of the buying for everyone. We used a website to pick the names as we're spread between 3 countries.

Lyricallie · 06/10/2021 14:38

Absolutely I do this with a close group of friends and tbh I think £50 is too much. We go for £15. Also I'd feel a bit awkward if I had agreed a budget with say my sister and she went well over it and I didn't.

lavenderlemon · 06/10/2021 14:40

Yes do it!

thesplashing · 06/10/2021 14:41

We started this a few years ago with my family and we use an app to keep it anonymous. It sends us an email with our person. It allows you to add some things you like to a wish list for the budget. We don't include children.

It really works for us.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 06/10/2021 14:44

Started it a few years ago with extended family absolute game changer

seaandsandcastles · 06/10/2021 14:44

@TakeYourFinalPosition A late buyer? 😂 It’s the beginning of October!

Boood · 06/10/2021 14:45

I’ve tried to suggest this every year for about a decade. The one person in the family who really can’t afford to buy other people presents always objects and says everyone else can do what they want but she’ll be buying everyone presents anyway. So we have to give in because otherwise we’d just look mean 😕

justabigdisco · 06/10/2021 14:48

We do this with adults in our family and it’s been brilliant. As someone said - game changer. However it’s definitely not too late and having not bought presents yet doesn’t make anyone a ‘late buyer’ FFS. It’s October.

Tothemoonandbackx · 06/10/2021 14:53

Oh wow, this is brilliant, thank you so much for the suggestions, I don't feel as bad now wanting to ask, especially if it works for so many of you already :-) I love the idea of using a site/app to anonymously pick someone too, saves even more trouble. I'm going to get everyone on a WhatsApp group tonight and open it up to everyone, I just hope they feel the same as me Grin

OP posts:
CharlieFarnsbarns123 · 06/10/2021 14:53

@Boood

I’ve tried to suggest this every year for about a decade. The one person in the family who really can’t afford to buy other people presents always objects and says everyone else can do what they want but she’ll be buying everyone presents anyway. So we have to give in because otherwise we’d just look mean 😕
Call their bluff. You might have one slightly awkward Christmas but then it will just become the norm.

We have been doing it for a few years now - works really well.

FASDE1517 · 06/10/2021 14:56

Definitely suggest it ASAP. We do it for all the adults with an £80 budget so everyone gets a decent gift.

Tothemoonandbackx · 06/10/2021 14:56

@Boood Oh no, that must be awful, especially of everyone else wants to do it too, it just seems like a more practical idea, and a money saver too. I hope everyone agrees, I hate traipsing around the shops and spending hours looking online too. Have you suggested it to your family member this year???

OP posts:
JJ123456 · 06/10/2021 14:58

We’ve been doing this for a few years, it works really well.

NortieTortie · 06/10/2021 15:10

I suggested it last month to my family and got turned down as everyone's already started shopping! I start mid-november Grin Maybe next year, I think it's a brilliant idea.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 06/10/2021 15:11

@TakeYourFinalPosition

I think it’s probably too late to suggest it for this year, unless you know everyone is a late buyer…

But otherwise it really depends on the family. It’d go down like a lead balloon with mine, they like picking and exchanging gifts and wouldn’t want to only get one thing; but it does work really well with some families..

And it probably depends how close you all are. Like the person above has a £100 budget - perfect if you know what someone would want for £100, but there’s a decent third of me & DHs family that I can happily pick something for £30/40 for that I think they’d like, but I’d hate the pressure of spending £100 and getting their only present!

Late buyer!!

It's bloody October not December 15th.

FangsForTheMemory · 06/10/2021 15:11

@TakeYourFinalPosition It's the first week of October!

HavfrueDenizKisi · 06/10/2021 15:13

We do this for adults - works well. Our limit has been around £30 but we may up it to £50. All kids get gifts (including 18 yr olds) and I still buy for my mum. I highly recommend it.

Dumpling89 · 06/10/2021 15:13

We do secret Santa in the family between 7 of us ! It's awesome! We have a budget of approximately £100 and we do the online Secret Santa (draw names.com) so that you can list the things you actually want!
Wouldn't go any other way now!

Spidey66 · 06/10/2021 15:15

We do it. Budget £30