To suggest a Secret Santa for the adults in the family

[Tothemoonandbackx]

Every year I do the same damn thing, a kind of budget is set between family members on how much we'll spend on gifts for each other, let's say £20/£30 each person, and every year, I go over it!!!! To my own annoyance, I am a people pleaser, I try my hardest to make gifts personal and thoughtful, and this I why I end up overspending. I think I haven't bought enough, or it doesn't look like I've spent the amount we've set, so over compensate by buying more and every year, my bank balance takes a hit. This year, I was going to suggest doing a Secret Santa, we all pick someone out of a hat, set a budget, maybe a slightly higher one then an individual, so something around £50 maybe, that way, everyone will get a present/s but they only have to do it for one person. I really don't want to look like I'm being tight, but there's 16 adults I usually buy for, and last year I spent just shy of £700 on them alone. WIBU to suggest it, I think to be honest, there are a few that would appreciate it too.

We do this. 10 adults gets quite expensive so we do a secret santa, each person also puts down 3 items within the budget that they would like. Its worked wonders and saves on the unwanted gifts.

We just don’t do adult presents.

I’m not a massive fan of secret Santas as you can end up buying for someone you don’t know that well and get it wrong. Although at least within a family you could consult with others I guess.

Oh just seen the posts about the adults being able to suggest what they’d like. That makes it much easier!

YANBU I think it’s a sensible idea. It was discussed and rejected in my family a few years ago. On the back of this thread, I’ve texted my eldest and suggested it again, pointing out that not only is it cost effective, but the higher budget makes it easier to get presents that people really want!

Our family has done this for years. We agree not to exchange gifts except between certain relationships (yes to parents/offspring and sometimes between siblings, not between cousins, aunts/uncles and nieces/nephews), and we arrange it so that anyone who wants to participate in a larger gift-exchange brings only one small gift.

It's too much stress and expense to have to shop for everyone!

It can be a really good idea but before you embark on it I'd recommend thinking long and hard about the people you're planning to involve and how they are at gift giving -- nothing puts a damper on secret santa like having a couple of people in the mix who will be cheapsakes, thoughtless, or well meaning but completely hopeless at picking gifts. And sixteen is enough people that you'd have to get very lucky for all of them to be good gifters.

If people know that's coming the whole experience is overshadowed by the dread that their name has been picked by that person and their one gift will be crap, and on the day you end up having somebody totally let down meanwhile everybody else is recieving lovely gifts.

@itsme189

We do it in my family we have a £100 budget and then people can actually get one really good thing like I got my Dad a fitbit last year. Normally he gets 10 toblerones and enough socks to last him till Easter. I got some really good tickets to a theatre show I wanted to see!

Totally agree with this. Better to have one thing you really want than a pile of tat. We do this now and I spend £50 instead of £300.

We do it in our family with the adults with an up to £60 spend. It works as it means you get one really nice gift. We usually send a wish list in the run up to Christmas. Makes Christmas shopping much less stressful. Some people in the family ask for vouchers when I think is fine. I'd rather have an easy life!

However - I would just caution that it only works if you all stick to the list of your recipient. My MIL went rogue one year and brought something off list which really upset the recipient when they'd asked for something really easy to buy (and cheaper then the spend limit.)

We do it on both sides of the family - DH's family and mine.
On my side of the family, if you're 18 yrs old or over, you are included in the secret santa and your name goes in the hat. Doesn't matter if you're still in school or not, you're included.
On DH's side of the family, they don't include the 'kids' (who might be over 18 and yes one of my kids is over 18) so there is a lot of waste where one decent gift would be appreciated more than a few sets of bath salts and smellies or slippers.

I really want to get DH's side to stop buying oodles of presents (from aunts and uncles and grandparents and so on) and instead only buy the one gift for whoever you get in Secret Santa. I've even contemplated withdrawing my name from the hat if they don't but don't really want to be seen as petulant or throwing a tantrum because of this. Short of taking my own name out of the hat, has anyone got any suggestions on how I can bring DH's family around?? Should I even bother?

@Boood

I’ve tried to suggest this every year for about a decade. The one person in the family who really can’t afford to buy other people presents always objects and says everyone else can do what they want but she’ll be buying everyone presents anyway. So we have to give in because otherwise we’d just look mean 😕

I'd rather look mean than pander to her.

It’s absolutely worth suggesting, if you say you love selecting a thoughtful gift, love them all but need to save some money. Then see if there is a website where names can be drawn and maybe each person has a profile with a few suggestions of what they do/don’t like, want or need. The only risk with spending more per present is it even more pressure to get it right.

We do this every year for the adults in my family and it works really well!

We do this one one side of DH's family, works very well. A lot of very low income individuals so our spend limit is typically £20. We usually have a big Xmas party shortly before Xmas day with them and exchange the gifts then . DM and I have tried to get this sorted in her side of the family too but my DGM and auntie flatly refuse. Fine, but DH and I spend a very small amount on token gifts for them because we just can't afford more.

Yes it works if everyone is on the same page.
We tried it one year, we didn’t set the budget particularly high (£25pp) to keep it affordable and asked everyone if they like to take part. They thought it was a great idea.
it cost us twice as much as we also put in for two of our teens who wanted to take part so £100 instead of £50.
Half of them switched names of their recipient to get the person they wanted to buy for then asked each other what they’d like as they didn’t know what to get….kind of defeats the whole secret Santa thing!

Also one of the couples only spent £5 each and dh and one of the teens drew the short straw and ended up with stocking filler type presents.

Didn’t bother again!

For 16 adults it’s a very sensible suggestion

If they decline I would say money is tight for us this year and we’ll be making gifts or doing smaller gifts instead, and that we don’t expect normally generous gifts in return

Homemade soya candles (you can buy kits online) scented with a Christmas essential oil mix, chutneys or flavoured gins all go down well. Lots of recipes online and you can decorate nicely.

We're doing secret Santa this year, for 6 adults but we are not being given a specific person to buy for. It has to be £20 - for anyone - and we choose randomly on Christmas Day.

I'm going to buy a proper mini Fire Extinguisher.
Safety thing that everyone should have in their kitchen , and few people do.
I think it's inspired and will probably get a WTF face from the recipient!

Definitely do it OP, or failing that maybe all of the adults could just buy a lottery ticket each for the other adults? That's what my family and friends all do, loads cheaper, a bit of fun checking them and the (very slim) possibility of one of us winning a decent sum of money.

I do this with my friends, we use the website Draw Names which is really easy to use and has a wishlist function.

Ask soon though, I've nearly finished my Christmas shopping.