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Original poster

Tell me she'll be ok - school related

39 replies

rbmilliner · 06/10/2021 11:45

Dropped DD, 4, at school this morning in reception class.
This her forth week and up till this week she seems to have been ok, teacher (when I can catch her) says she's settling in ok.
She's been getting slightly clingy but being brave about it until today.
She wept and simply and didn't want to go. It broke my heart. She walked up the ramp sobbing and I felt like the person in the whole.
I tried to see if she was ok in class and she just stood there trying not to cry then she saw me and then crumbled.
Please me she'll be ok, she's been doing so well up until now. Drop off seems so chaotic and there never seems to be anyone to speak to

OP posts:
ImJustNotMeAnymore · 06/10/2021 11:47

Could be a flag for bullying? Been there ourselves so this is definitely a clouded judgement response.

Original poster
rbmilliner · 06/10/2021 11:49

@ImJustNotMeAnymore I don't think so although it's hard to say as it's hard to get her to tell me anything about what actually happens at school.

OP posts:
superstar84 · 06/10/2021 11:51

Give the school a call and just check that she's ok this morning

Brainwave89 · 06/10/2021 11:52

It took my eldest about 6-8 weeks to fully settle. It is a tough time for you and them when they have been at home. Have a chat with the teacher by all means, but it will be fine OP.

BatshitBanshee · 06/10/2021 11:53

Is she upset coming out of school also or is it just going in in the mornings? Maybe start off by teasing it out with her when she gets home and see if you can get to the root of the problem. Might be a blip or it might be a bigger problem but I suggest talking to her first and try and work it out before speaking to her teacher as it maybe something you can work through with her.

Icanflyhigh · 06/10/2021 11:54

Hey OP, try not to worry.
After a few weeks of full days at school learning a new routine, meeting new people etc she will be knackered. Totally and utterly knackered and probably just wants a day with mum curled on the sofa.

Make that a priority for the weekend, it's it's different from nursery or pre-school and exciting for them at first, but as the routine settles the realisation comes that it is very different.

I'm sure she will be fine and reception teachers are well equipped to deal with it xx

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 06/10/2021 11:58

I'm so sorry for you, my DD was awful at drop offs. She's in Yr 2 now and still wobbles a little bit sometimes, but if she happens to see a friend going in too she's happy. She will go in on her own if there's no one around but last week was a bit sad one day.

We were recommended a book called The Invisible String which is great for helping your child with feelings of missing a loved one. Every morning we 'tie' our invisible strings to each others' wrists, and at the end of the day she sometimes says I was feeling a bit sad at lunch time I pulled my invisible string and I say Oh yes I felt that, and gave it a tug back...

It's just a really tricky time but it does get better with practice. I found she got much better by the end of terms and then was bad again for two weeks or so after being at home with me.

As long as she's coming out happy at the end of the day I wouldn't worry. Some kids find it harder than others to settle in. I'm sure she's having a grand time in the day otherwise the teacher would have spoken to you.

Having to peel them off you to get them through the doors is the hardest part of the day. Flowers

UndertheCedartree · 06/10/2021 12:01

Give school a ring and ask someone from pastoral care to check on her. Then you'll know she's ok or if not pastoral care will look after her.

Thatsplentyjack · 06/10/2021 12:04

I had this problem with my first 2 kids. With the first he eventually stopped crying when he got to about 7 (too embarrassed to cry infront of his friends, but he did it at home before we left) he's 13 now and has just had himself sent home because "he doesn't feel well" he's fine.
The second stopped when he was about 6, just before covid. Then there was a bit of a set back when it was time to go to school again, and now he seems to like going to school. Hopefully the third doest go through it. I've had it since they started nursery. I used to go back to the car and cry because I felt so guilty.

Bimblybomeyelash · 06/10/2021 12:07

It’s not uncommon for there to be tears at drop off. 9 times out of ten they are gone within 5 mins. I wouldn’t be happy with a chaotic start though. Reply the teacher or ta should be at the door to meet them and deal with any upset children.

idontlikealdi · 06/10/2021 12:10

She'll be fine. They're all tired now, the excitement is over and reality set in. Wait until the last week before Christmas....

SmellyOldOwls · 06/10/2021 12:17

My son went through this, the first week he went in fine, the couple of weeks after that was literal screaming, tears, the whole lot it was awful. Drawing a little heart on us both worked and I told him I would sit outside in the car which did the trick very quickly. It was all forgotten one day and no hearts were required and he didn't ask me to wait for him and that was that. It was always much easier on the mornings he happened across a friend to go in with.

RoseAdagio · 06/10/2021 12:18

Bless you, that's heartbreaking. 😔 Hope she settles soon. Contacting pastoral care at school sounds like a sensible suggestion. Maybe try asking who her favourite friends at school are and arranging an out of school playdate with them?

BadlydoneHelen · 06/10/2021 12:24

ask someone from pastoral care to check on her.

I can't imagine who that would be in our school! Most primaries do not have a pastoral care team nor a school nurse which is the other thing regularly trotted out on MN. Speak to the class TA at drop off and say that she's struggling and is there anything they can suggest

BadlydoneHelen · 06/10/2021 12:25

Sorry- I tried to quote but can't seem to do itBlush

FooFighter99 · 06/10/2021 12:27

Aww @rbmilliner I've been there, crying in the car on the way to work after dropping a sobbing DD off at school, feeling like the worst mum in the world

Luckily it only happened a handful of times and now she's in Y5 she seems to be fine

I'm sure your DD is absolutely fine but give school a call and they will check on her and reassure you

Peccary · 06/10/2021 12:31

My normally confident and happy reception DD had one day of this last week, the teachers messaged me on the app that she was fine 10 minutes later

BadlydoneHelen · 06/10/2021 12:31

I sympathise with you as my DD was very similar on starting reception- she found the busyness overwhelming and didn't seem to know what to do when she arrived so always cried and it was heartbreaking. I agree she's probably ready for half term already

BlameItOnTheBlackStar · 06/10/2021 12:33

I gave both of my kids little hearts to keep in their school bags, so if they ever felt like they missed me they could give it a quick hug and feel better until 3pm.

Sounds cheesy, worked very well!

Thissucksmonkeynuts · 06/10/2021 12:33

Bless her, she's probably exhausted by this point in term. Hopefully the school will ring you and let you know she's OK, if not, drop them a line and check. Take a tasty snack and a drink if your doing pick up and give her all the cuddles.

Wnikat · 06/10/2021 12:35

She'll be fine. It's nearing the end of half term and they're all knackered. And it's dawning on them that this is it for the foreseeable future, not a fun temporary thing. She'll be ok, honest.

Peace43 · 06/10/2021 12:35

It could be exhaustion. Mind gets very very tired even at age 10. It DOES get easier!

Tal45 · 06/10/2021 12:40

@BlameItOnTheBlackStar

I gave both of my kids little hearts to keep in their school bags, so if they ever felt like they missed me they could give it a quick hug and feel better until 3pm.

Sounds cheesy, worked very well!

This sort of thing can really help - as long as they don't want to keep going out to their bags! The other thing you could try is to put a bit of your perfume on a hankie that she could sniff. However it might literally only be the separation that she is struggling with, if she was distracted by the TA, had a special little job to do or something similar that might really help. If that's the case I would be very upbeat till you leave and then leave quickly - looking through the window to reassure yourself isn't unfortunately helping her.
Strawbsaturno · 06/10/2021 12:51

Can she walk in with a friend? My DD used to sob and cling but if she went in with a friend she was happy as Larry.

thinkbiglittleone · 06/10/2021 12:58

It is probably all fine, but please speak to the school, if nothing else just so they will keep an extra eye on her.

Our DS loved the first week, (although he doesn't really tell us anything about his day,) then cried not wanting to go in, I sat down asked why and another little boy was hitting him and kicking him, we spoke with the school, but ultimately it was our sons first lesson in sticking up for himself, he is fine now the issue is resolved.

Maybe ask her if everyone plays nice, I think if you ask around the issue rather than straight out "is someone upsetting you" they tell you more without realising it.

But she may well just be really tired after a busy few weeks.