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AIBU?

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Tell me she'll be ok - school related

39 replies

rbmilliner · 06/10/2021 11:45

Dropped DD, 4, at school this morning in reception class.
This her forth week and up till this week she seems to have been ok, teacher (when I can catch her) says she's settling in ok.
She's been getting slightly clingy but being brave about it until today.
She wept and simply and didn't want to go. It broke my heart. She walked up the ramp sobbing and I felt like the person in the whole.
I tried to see if she was ok in class and she just stood there trying not to cry then she saw me and then crumbled.
Please me she'll be ok, she's been doing so well up until now. Drop off seems so chaotic and there never seems to be anyone to speak to

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 06/10/2021 13:14

Although it was many years ago, my daughter was a bit upset and clingy when going into school intitialy, crying etc. The teacher at the door, had the right ideas. she said, don't worry, just go now, and don't linger,, your daughter will be fine in a few minutes when the school day starts,, and this she was. No messing about, as I am sure this happens a lot with some children.

DressBitch · 06/10/2021 13:21

My son cried the first day of year 1 recently (he hadn't cried going to nursery, or starting reception, or going back after lockdowns!). I hated leaving him. I ended up getting upset as I walked away because I could still hear him crying.

Then I picked him up after school, and he told me how much he loved school, and his new teacher, and how much fun he had. Every day I ask him what the best bit of his day was and every day he says all of it.

She will be fine. I promise. It's just a big change that can be scary to begin with.

Treaclepie19 · 06/10/2021 13:30

She'll be OK. It takes time for some but they do get used to it.
My ds was so bad (and the oldest in the class) that I considered home schooling.
I'm thankful now that I kept going because he loves it Smile

LookItsMeAgain · 06/10/2021 13:38

I'd say she has actually clocked that this is not just for a few days or even a couple of weeks, that school is for much much longer and that she isn't going to be spending as much time at home with mummy doing the lovely things she has been able to do up to now.

Erictheavocado · 06/10/2021 18:41

Please do keep an eye out for bullying. DC1 appeared to have settled well in Reception and then, a couple of weeks in didn't want to go. Like your dd, wouldn't say anything about school. A few weeks later, we noticed some bruises at bathtime and asked about them. It all came tumbling out - a group of classmates were systematically bullying every child to make them cry. DC wouldn't cry and so was repeatedly targeted. We reported it to school, who did deal with it. It is more likely your dd is exhausted, just doesn't enjoy school etc, but bullying shouldn't be dismissed.

Seemssounfair · 06/10/2021 19:05

@1forAll74

Although it was many years ago, my daughter was a bit upset and clingy when going into school intitialy, crying etc. The teacher at the door, had the right ideas. she said, don't worry, just go now, and don't linger,, your daughter will be fine in a few minutes when the school day starts,, and this she was. No messing about, as I am sure this happens a lot with some children.
Agree with this, don't linger, hanging about and peeking in the classroom because you are anxious, although well intended, feeds their anxiety, it confirms to them there might be something to be anxious about. The teacher will contact you if there is an issue beyond the normal settling in.

Ds was the same when he started, first couple of weeks were fine, then he had a bit of a dip. Think it is pretty normal.

Your job is to try to talk about what she did that day, sound genuinely interested/impressed/reward her, if she had any specific problems with other children etc and if she did how to handle them (she should tell the teacher) and step in if the problems continue/escalate.

To get them talking about the day start by casually asking very basic but specific questions - in the car home/on walk home/when they are eating their snack/dinner. Where do you go for lunch? Is it far from the classroom? What are the tables like? Who did you sit beside? What did they have for lunch? Did you draw anything today? What colours did you use? Did you learn any letters today? Stop when they get bored so it doesn't turn into an interrogation.

pollywollydoodler · 06/10/2021 19:33

When she first started school my daughter bounced in every day and settled in with no problem.About week 3 she had a wobble and didn't want to go in. We had a chat with her teacher at lunchtime, she said dd had settled down quickly and it was common, almost as if at that point the children suddenly realised that going to school was for good. She settled again after a few days

rbmilliner · 07/10/2021 09:49

Just to report, we had a much calmer drop off today, no tears (her or me).
Walked holding her hand the other side of the the ramp, kissed her hand and disappeared and she seemed fine.
I think lingering to check she was ok wasn't really the right thing to do but it was such a shock to see her so upset after she'd been doing so well.
Really hoping it was a one off

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 07/10/2021 11:16

Good news, hope she has turned a corner.

pollywollydoodler · 08/10/2021 02:10

It's hard when it comes out of the blue though. Glad she seems to be settled again.

janefitzjane · 19/10/2021 12:21

Children cry all the time over all sorts so hopefully nothing to worry about - of course still worth catching the teacher if you can to ask if she was okay at school or if something happened! Maybe even ask your kid herself if it's all okay. I'm glad she seems to be doing better now though

3scape · 19/10/2021 12:46

Before half term I do notice more reluctanance from children going in. Be it in the slightly grumpy all the way up to screaming and clinging to gates and parents. I suppose theyre more tired, the resilience is low. The weather can be a bit off putting as well. The youngest haven't yet absorbed the routine too. But mainly. Why would anyone sane want to walk in to a room over full of shouting children vying for the attention of one or two busy adults, to do things they might not feel like? To play with toys that will be snatched off you by others? To probably be bumped and shoved several times an hour. I think we should be more concerned about kids that would rather be in that sort of environment than somewhere more conducive to growth.

RosieLemonade · 19/10/2021 12:55

Bless you. My DD is similar which is upsetting as she has always been a happy as larry go with the flow kinda gal. What makes it harder is we don't have tapestry etc so I only know what what she tells me and she only tells me when she gets hurt!

JudgeJ · 19/10/2021 13:07

@Wnikat

She'll be fine. It's nearing the end of half term and they're all knackered. And it's dawning on them that this is it for the foreseeable future, not a fun temporary thing. She'll be ok, honest.
That's very true, they realise this isn't just for a few fun days but, in their eyes, forever! A Head teacher friend of mine said it happens quite often.
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