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Original poster

If you are the younger partner in an age gap relationship...

30 replies

Stevearnottsbeard · 06/10/2021 09:28

I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for 11. He is 13 years older than me, therefore I'm now the same age he was when we first got together. Now that I'm thinking about it, I at the age of 36 can't imagine ever being in a relationship with a 23 year old, I know everyone's different but it just seems like theyd be too young and childish. Obviously my husband didn't think so (thankfully) or maybe it's because I had my first child fairly young so they would be under 10 years older than my child. My husband didn't have any children when we met, we have them together.
So... Would you do the same age gap relationship again but if you were the older one?

OP posts:
BarbedButterfly · 06/10/2021 10:01

I am in an age gap relationship and am the older one. I don't find my partner immature at all and it is great because he loves going out and about whereas my previous partners who were the same age as me just wanted to sit in all the time, like they had shifted into old man mode. We are aware there may be difficulties in the future but we are very happy.

BarbedButterfly · 06/10/2021 10:02

Pressed send too quickly. Was just going to add that as long as we are both adults and have both been living independently for a while etc then it is about the person not the age

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 06/10/2021 10:04

No I wouldn't, but then I don't particularly to for younger men hence why I went for an older one!

We have a gap almost the same as yours but it's never felt like a big gap to be honest.

Saintemllionsfinest · 06/10/2021 10:06

We have a gap of 20 years. I wouldn’t do it the other way round as I like older men!! Doesn’t honestly feel like we have a huge gap as I’ve always been maturer than my age.

Original poster
Stevearnottsbeard · 06/10/2021 10:07

Thankfully my husband and have always been perfectly matched, like I said maybe it's because of the age of my children, I just can't contemplate being in a relationship with someone who isn't even 10 years older than my eldest

OP posts:
Whammyyammy · 06/10/2021 10:08

I'm in an age gap marriage. I'm 8 year's older, been married 25 years, the age gap never been an issue.

aSofaNearYou · 06/10/2021 10:20

I cannot imagine being with a younger man - or even being with a 23 year old man now and I'm still in my twenties. But then I imagine you may have been more mature than the average 23 year old man.

Original poster
Stevearnottsbeard · 06/10/2021 10:22

I'm not saying the age gap is a problem, it never has been for us, apart from not knowing some programmes we both talk about! It was more of a musing that now I'm the age my husband was when we first got together, I can't imagine being in the reverse situation, I was just wondering if there were others that felt the same not to moan or complain about age gaps

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 06/10/2021 10:37

I would totally be in a relationship with a guy 10 years younger than me. The sex would probably be great.

aLilNonnyMouse · 06/10/2021 10:47

I'm the younger partner in a much bigger gap - 27 years. We've also been together 13 years like you but I've still got a way to go before hitting his age at the start.

I already know that I wouldn't do it the other way around. It was mostly just a fluke that we met, got on very well, and still happened to be in very similar life stages despite the gap.

I don't think it changes anything about our relationship really. We are happy now and that's all that really matters to me.

Nightbringer · 06/10/2021 10:55

I was the younger partner. When I split with my exh I was approached by several men who were around the same age as I was when i met exh.

And, honestly, it was a no from me. I didn't find them attractive due to their lack of life exeprience. But also I was in a different situation. I had 2 kids. I really had no interest in having more kids and really didn't want to tie a person in their early twenties down to family life. Nor did I ever want to get married again.

My, now, dp 2 years older. Old enough to know he definitely didn't want kids & also understood my pov on marriage.

So my situation was different to your dhs. But also I don't find much younger men attractive so wouldn't be interested in a casual arrangement either

MissChanandlerBong81 · 06/10/2021 10:57

I don’t think it’s the same thing where the woman’s the older person in the relationship so it’s difficult to make a direct comparison.

SassenachWitch · 06/10/2021 11:02

I've always been with older men, husband 8 years older, met when I was 19, current partner is 11 years older, met when I was 28.

Younger men just don't do it for me I'm afraid, nor do men the same age, always gone for older.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 06/10/2021 11:08

No. I was 24 and my husband 33 when we met (there's about 9.5 years between us)

Would I at 33 even consider settling down with a 24 year old man?

Hell no. Ime men mature more slowly than women. They need about a decade on you, if not more.

I stress this is just my personal experience.

JudgementalCactus · 06/10/2021 11:14

I'm 30, he's 37. Met two years ago. I don't think it's a big age gap in this context. We're at the same stage in life, functional adults.

Would I date a 23 year old though? Definitely not. The jump in maturity from early 20s to early 30s is huge. I feel it tapers off after 30. Does that make me a hypocrite?

JudgementalCactus · 06/10/2021 11:17

@MissChanandlerBong81

I don’t think it’s the same thing where the woman’s the older person in the relationship so it’s difficult to make a direct comparison.
I agree with this. On average men reach emotional maturity much later in life.

Plus women are sort of forced to "grow up" while still in their fertile years if they want to have a familiy.

Men have no such constraints. They can enjoy Peter Pan syndrome for at least another decade.

CounsellorTroi · 06/10/2021 11:26

I was 28 and DH 39 when we met. Married 30 years. I can't say for certain if I would have considered at 39 a relationship with a 28 year old.

Walkingthedog46 · 06/10/2021 11:34

13 year difference here. I found the age difference became more apparent the older we got. For instance, reaching retirement age 13 years before me and adjusting our lives accordingly. I always said I reached retirement age twice - his and then mine.

UltimateBugKilla · 06/10/2021 11:36

18yr age gap here, yes I would do it again, I fell in love with the man, not his age.

Tigger85 · 06/10/2021 11:40

I am the same age as you with the same age gap between me and dp, also been together the same length of time. He has an adult son that is 13 years younger than me, so his son is now the same age I was when we got together and I am the same age he was. His son is far far more immature than I was at the same age and has also had less life experiences than I did at the same age, he still lives at home, hasn't travelled etc. There's no way in hell I'd touch a 23 year old man with a barge pole. Possibly if I was suddenly single I would go as low as 10 years younger, if they were not immature and were either not living with parents or had previously lived alone. I wouldn't enter a relationship with someone 13 years older than me again either.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 06/10/2021 11:42

I am 10 yrs younger than my DH. I would potentially be fine going out with someone 10 yrs younger than me - as long as we had roughly the same interests, mindset, morals, etc.

I don't understand the angst (not from you OP, I mean generally) about age difference - age is irrelevant as long as people are well matched. I did blink a bit reading about Terry Jones remarrying a woman who was in her 20s when he was in his 60s... But not my circus...

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 06/10/2021 11:44

My first serious relationship was with someone 13 years older than me. It was not a healthy relationship so I'm reflecting from a different perspective. When I reached 32, I couldn't imagine what she had been thinking to get involved with a 19yo.

I'm currently very single. On paper I think I would prefer any future partner to be pretty close to me in age; I can imagine a significantly older partner being fine; I still struggle to imagine a functional relationship with anyone more than maybe 5 years younger. Who knows how life goes, though.

Comedycook · 06/10/2021 11:47

We have a ten year age gap...I was 23 and he was 33 when we met. At 33 I probably wouldn't have dated a 23 year old but that's because I think 23 year old guys are basically over grown teens. Now I'm 40, I'd probably date a 30 year old if I was single

Sweetchocolatecandy · 06/10/2021 11:48

My partner is 8 years older than me so I was 26 and he 34. It’s never something that has bothered me and I’m not surprised that he went for a ‘younger’ woman as he’s extremely immature (in a fun way!) so I think the age gap suited both of us.

aSofaNearYou · 06/10/2021 12:06

@DontBuyANewMumCashmere

I am 10 yrs younger than my DH. I would potentially be fine going out with someone 10 yrs younger than me - as long as we had roughly the same interests, mindset, morals, etc.

I don't understand the angst (not from you OP, I mean generally) about age difference - age is irrelevant as long as people are well matched. I did blink a bit reading about Terry Jones remarrying a woman who was in her 20s when he was in his 60s... But not my circus...

I think the angst comes from the potential for one party to be taking advantage/being a bit lecherous as attracted to youth and naivety. It's less and less of an issue the older the younger party gets, but when it's someone in their late teens or early twenties, it can be a bit off. It sounds like OP may feel there's a touch of that in her case.