What is the most pretentious thing you've seen someone do?

[kinzarose]

Inspired by another thread. When I was at university there was an older lady who thought she was vair posh, was very keen to have her designer labels on display and loved name dropping brands into conversation. We had a group tutorial over lunch once, so we all ate together. This woman took a two foot (yes, literally) wooden salt and pepper mill out of her bag, stood up and started grinding pepper onto the shop bought sandwich she had with her. It was just the most pretentious thing ever, she was a "food snob" apparently 🤣

Someone on my linked in feed just called a book a 'tome' the other day. it was a regular book.

@crochetmonkey74 I used Stephen King in my masters dissertation

A very dear friend of ours, despite his pretentions, was shown an engagement ring by a very excited newly-engaged colleague and his response was 'a cute little gem', which is now a family catchphrase. When William and Kate were showing off the ring three of us said 'a cute little gem' at the same time.

I love it when they become family catchphrases. In mine, it was a couple of relations who eventually became known as the Wegots.
We Got a new car, We Got a new cruet set, We Got a new electric whisk, you get the picture. No matter how small the purchase, it merited a boast!

I very much like the 'Cashmere Pashmina!'

My aunt is known as 'Mrs bucket for trying to be posh when she's really not
She used to go to netto and put the whole lot into m&s bags just so the neighbours would think that's where she'd been
She'll only drink lattes as that's posh (who Knew?)
We used to wind her up about it

I was nineteen, a University drop-out with hopes of being a writer. My much older cousin was the managing editor of a publishing house and a celebrated poet. He invited me to lunch in a terrifyingly posh-hip restaurant in Holland Park, just out of niceness really. Also at lunch were a fashionably-dishevelled man who was something in theatre and a rather glamorous blonde woman in her forties who was a literary agent.

I was way out of my depth, but I think I coped quite well. Talked about books. Got a few laughs. Yeah, pretty fly, I thought.

So outside the restaurant aftewards there was lots of nice-to-have-met-yous and give-me-a-calls and embracing and cheek-mwahing, and I was a bit unsure as to the etiquette as I barely knew these people but just shaking hands seemed too formal and actual hugging seemed too familiar and then the woman held out a businesslike hand to me and said ‘Lovely to have met you’ and I took her hand… and kissed it.

I kissed her hand. I mean, I actually bent at the waist and raised it to my lips and kissed it.

This was 1978, by the way. A couple of miles south, punk was happening. And I kissed this professional literary agent’s hand like Sir Francis fucking Drake.

Even now, I sometimes spasm awake in the night, gibbering. I have to get up and go and hum tunelessly in the dark garden till I think of something different.

A friend of mine posted very excitedly on FB about how enormously proud she was of her DD, who was off to Oxford!!! Wow, thought I, that's wonderful and I congratulated her warmly. I must confess to being a little surprised as her daughter, (who was a lovely girl), wasn't particularly academic and had struggled a bit at school.
Of course, she had left off the 'Brookes' part. I don't know why she felt the need - getting into any uni is a great achievement, why tell fibs?

@HosannainExcelSheets

*I remember when a couple at work got engaged and a very pompous man swept in and said:

"Felicitations! Let's have a decco at the sparkler"*

I was taught by my very proper Granda that one never congratulates a lady on an engagement, as that would imply that she'd worked for it. Félicitations was the "correct" answer.

I think this is one of those things I'm going to remember forever now

In the gym changing rooms (Didn't last long at that gym. It was the kind of place where people would park their Porsche across two spaces in the very full car park, because they were sooooo important).

Two women discussing their Christmas holidays. One had been off to France to a chalet to ski (of course). The other had stayed at home. She had been sooooo bored, that she almost resorted to having a coffee with the cleaner (almost, mind you. She made it clear she hadn't).

I wish I'd had the presence of mind to comment something along the lines of "Oh, I'd just have shagged the gardener"

I know someone who continually posts photos of her children swimming at 'Grandma's pool' - aren't they lucky to have their own private swimming pool at Grandma's, brag, brag etc etc - another friend told me her Mum works in a holiday camp where said pool is actually located 🤣🤣🤣

The person that wrote this review:

"Having arrived on a solo expedition out prior to the streets heating up on a friday. I was shunned to a small table away in the corner at the door where if theres a smoker outside youll benefit their habbit drafting through the door. Left to my own devices for 15 mins my patience broke and ordered a classic carbonara. It arrived without the bs of a overly shallow presentstion, instead relying on its own merit. Sauce and seasoning were better than most, the pasta cooked to perfection... Where it has fallen down though is in the use of good ole fasioned cut fatty back bacon rashers in place of pancetta. So eat responsibly and eat around the fat, it'll take some time cutting it off too, but ask for a spoon; it's easier to fork wrap that way. Almost 20 minutes after finishing packed up my phone, donned the jacket and went in search of the bill. Smells from the kitchen and tables near by still had me salivating. Id still have to find faith in ingredients choice to be honest. If you're not a regular fan of eating out Italian, you won't be disappointed or know the difference. All in all, tasty but lacking"

Anecdotally friends and family that send their kids to private school always turn knobbish. I know they need to justify the vast outlay but the out of context wittering to state school parents about sport / Latin / mandarin / long school day makes me 🙄 and they definitely go right down in my estimation. Previously people I thought quite decent too. What am I supposed to say to that? Come back with how great my own kids are doing (cringe). End up smiling and nodding and internally demoting then to the “bit of a twat” category.

So many
A friends mother who had us for dinner and when clearing the starter plates asked who would do the 'first remove'? Then there were more 'removes' requested after each course. She was quite mad though.
The guy at Univ who wore plus fours and a monocle and carried poetry books around with him..He wasn't posh but so seriously wanted to be.
My son who when the P3 class was asked to try and write 3 hard words they didn't know how to spell, tried to phonetically spell out antidisestablishmentarianism. I saw it when I was looking through his jotter at parents evening. Luckily he'd made such a cack handed attempt I think it had all passed unnoticed. I hope. I'd taught him a few extra long words as a sort of novelty.

Loving this thread!

I live an area where there is a strong military presence particularly officers (I promise that wasn’t a pretentious comment in itself!)

The worst group for snobbishness seem to be the wives who wear their husbands ranks. There seems to be this coded conversation that goes on between them in order to suss out any newcomers husband’s rank and therefore, where they are in the social hierarchy.

Because I worked as a TA in the local village school, there was always an assumption that I must be married to someone in the forces - I have absolutely no connection with the military at all but I was regularly ‘interviewed’ by military mothers to find out if I was.

One was very direct and asked, “Are you Army?” Clearly I’m not army as why would I be working full time in a village school?

@simitra

Moved into new neighbourhood. One day I pinned up a sheet against the dividing fence to use as a photo backdrop. Towards the end of the session nosy NDN asks me what Im doing.

"Photographing things for insurance purposes". I wasnt going to tell her I sold antiques online.

Then she starts to tell me that its "her" fence which she paid for and I shouldnt be pinning things on it. I told her ok, you show me your reciepts to prove you paid for it and I will stop using it. But until then its just a boundary fence and I will continue to use my side as I wish.

She then launches into a long diatribe about new people moving into the area and how she and hubby have lived here since the dawn of time.

"There was no fence when we moved in, only the concrete posts. We put in the fence"

"So you built it to keep the dinosaurs out then?"

You should have seen her face.

And your neighbour is quite correct. If it's her fence then you can't use your side 'as you wish'. The fence was there before you, she's telling you she's paid for it and she doesn't have to prove that to you.

Stop pinning things to other peoples property.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

I remember when a couple at work got engaged and a very pompous man swept in and said:

"Felicitations! Let's have a decco at the sparkler"

This one's my favourite. Pretentious bordering on eccentric, and really made me laugh!

I have this picture in my head of him looking & sounding like the actor Simon Callow.

@WalkingOnTheCracks

I was nineteen, a University drop-out with hopes of being a writer. My much older cousin was the managing editor of a publishing house and a celebrated poet. He invited me to lunch in a terrifyingly posh-hip restaurant in Holland Park, just out of niceness really. Also at lunch were a fashionably-dishevelled man who was something in theatre and a rather glamorous blonde woman in her forties who was a literary agent.

I was way out of my depth, but I think I coped quite well. Talked about books. Got a few laughs. Yeah, pretty fly, I thought.

So outside the restaurant aftewards there was lots of nice-to-have-met-yous and give-me-a-calls and embracing and cheek-mwahing, and I was a bit unsure as to the etiquette as I barely knew these people but just shaking hands seemed too formal and actual hugging seemed too familiar and then the woman held out a businesslike hand to me and said ‘Lovely to have met you’ and I took her hand… and kissed it.

I kissed her hand. I mean, I actually bent at the waist and raised it to my lips and kissed it.

This was 1978, by the way. A couple of miles south, punk was happening. And I kissed this professional literary agent’s hand like Sir Francis fucking Drake.

Even now, I sometimes spasm awake in the night, gibbering. I have to get up and go and hum tunelessly in the dark garden till I think of something different.

Let it go. You were nineteen!

Family member doesn't drive but bought a car and it sits on their drive so that the neighbours don't think they can't afford one 😂

@blissfulllife

Family member doesn't drive but bought a car and it sits on their drive so that the neighbours don't think they can't afford one 😂

Whoa.

HighlandCowbag
"I say it a lot to teenage dd who is adamant we are middle class when we are actually working class. Apparently getting mealdeals from M and S, having 2 fat ponies and me being at uni means we are. We definitely aren't"

@HighlandCowbag
You're definitely not working class!

Someone I knew who was in the same circles as me at the time. Her surname was Butcher.

Someone referred to her full name, she loudly declared that it was pronounced “ Bouché “ and won’t simply won’t answer to Butcher.
Not realising I had been at the same school, at the same time as her and her brother (different year groups) and knew I also knew her mother….the family name was indeed, Butcher!

A woman in work only refers to herself in the third person - and will only eat non-potato crisps! So kale or beetroot.

I once saw her scoff a packet of Golden Wonder when she was hungover though 😂

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

I remember when a couple at work got engaged and a very pompous man swept in and said:

"Felicitations! Let's have a decco at the sparkler"

This one's my favourite. Pretentious bordering on eccentric, and really made me laugh!

I agree. I thought it funny and eccentric rather than pretentious.

I can be vaguely pretentious but In my line of work I hear it daily from others. My favourite was;

That’s the benefit of taking the jet, no queues at the airport

@WalkingOnTheCracks

I was nineteen, a University drop-out with hopes of being a writer. My much older cousin was the managing editor of a publishing house and a celebrated poet. He invited me to lunch in a terrifyingly posh-hip restaurant in Holland Park, just out of niceness really. Also at lunch were a fashionably-dishevelled man who was something in theatre and a rather glamorous blonde woman in her forties who was a literary agent.

I was way out of my depth, but I think I coped quite well. Talked about books. Got a few laughs. Yeah, pretty fly, I thought.

So outside the restaurant aftewards there was lots of nice-to-have-met-yous and give-me-a-calls and embracing and cheek-mwahing, and I was a bit unsure as to the etiquette as I barely knew these people but just shaking hands seemed too formal and actual hugging seemed too familiar and then the woman held out a businesslike hand to me and said ‘Lovely to have met you’ and I took her hand… and kissed it.

I kissed her hand. I mean, I actually bent at the waist and raised it to my lips and kissed it.

This was 1978, by the way. A couple of miles south, punk was happening. And I kissed this professional literary agent’s hand like Sir Francis fucking Drake.

Even now, I sometimes spasm awake in the night, gibbering. I have to get up and go and hum tunelessly in the dark garden till I think of something different.

This is absolutely brilliant

I also have those gibbering moments when I remember stuff I've said/done in the past