Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH phoning to chat in the day

49 replies

LittleBipper · 05/10/2021 16:15

DH works part time out of the house, I WFH part time and home educate DS.

We're also working on a new business that should eventually replace what we each do at the moment.

DH doesn't like his job and phones me when he gets the opportunity to talk about whatever's on his mind.

He also moans that I don't do enough housework, the cats don't get played with enough, and the new business isn't progressing fast enough.

AIBU to say that if you don't like it just stick to quick phone calls to ask me to do urgent tasks, not long chats?

OP posts:
MyPatronusIsACat · 05/10/2021 16:19

Fuck me, is this for real. Shock

He sounds like an arsehole, and why is he only working part time?! YOU are part time, but have your DS at home, and do the housework!!

And why the fuck does he think you need to 'play with the cats more?' WTAF? Confused

He sounds like a slightly unhinged control freak. Take the phone off the hook - or if it's your mobile, switch it on to silent and don't answer him. He sounds loopy! And fucking annoying!

icedcoffees · 05/10/2021 16:21

He sounds controlling and like he's checking up on you.

Is your marriage a happy one?

DrManhattan · 05/10/2021 16:21

As above

EileenGC · 05/10/2021 16:22

My father does that to my mum. Constant calls - have you picked up X, can you book me an appointment, what are you up to, if you’re not doing anything can you come to YZ place —30 miles away— to bring me whatever.

Then he complains that nothing gets done, the house isn’t clean, food isn’t up to standard.

It’s not just annoying, it’s controlling. My mum is slowly learning not to pick up the phone if she doesn’t want to.

Takenoprisoner · 05/10/2021 16:23

So glad to be single.

Is he for real? Stop listening to his inane chats. Why isn't HE doing more of the housework?

AhNowTed · 05/10/2021 16:25

"He also moans that I don't do enough housework, the cats don't get played with enough, and the new business isn't progressing fast enough."

What's he doing in each of these areas?

MsSquiz · 05/10/2021 16:26

Simple solution: Don't answer your phone!

Original poster
LittleBipper · 05/10/2021 16:37

I don't think he's controlling, I think he's bored shitless and thoughtless.

MsSquiz you are absolutely right, it's usually a triumph of hope over expectation

AhNowTed and others on that topic, I am building something, when it's done he's going to sell it. WRT the housework he means washing up etc building up during the day, he does his share when he's home for the day

OP posts:
Flowerpower23 · 05/10/2021 16:43

You’re not his PA. end of.

MyPatronusIsACat · 05/10/2021 16:46

@LittleBipper

I don't think he's controlling, I think he's bored shitless and thoughtless.

MsSquiz you are absolutely right, it's usually a triumph of hope over expectation

AhNowTed and others on that topic, I am building something, when it's done he's going to sell it. WRT the housework he means washing up etc building up during the day, he does his share when he's home for the day

Sorry to disappoint you but he IS controlling. Shows he is gaslighting you too, if you think he is just 'bored...'

If he IS bored (as well as controlling,) maybe he can work more hours, or get off his lazy fucking arse, and actually do some housework, instead of nagging YOU to do it.

Sorry, but he sounds awful. I'd be looking into getting out of this marriage if it was me.

icedcoffees · 05/10/2021 16:52

I don't think he's controlling, I think he's bored shitless and thoughtless.

Hmm, I'm afraid I disagree.

If he's bored at work, he can read a book, go for a walk, mess about on his phone, play a game, talk to a colleague - he doesn't need to ring you and check up on you and tell you off for not doing things to his specifications Hmm

Egghead68 · 05/10/2021 16:53

Doesn’t sound good.

girlmom21 · 05/10/2021 16:55

Anything you do is not enough. He's ringing to keep you on your toes.

Why are you doing all housework if you're both working part time and you're home educating?

AhNowTed · 05/10/2021 16:56

In that case stop answering your phone.

I haven't got time for inane chit chat in the day cos someone else is bored.

Allgreyeverything · 05/10/2021 16:58

If some dude kept calling me every day to complain that I am not doing enough house work while working an actual paying job AND looking after a child AND doing odd bits of jobs around the house AND building a business I think I would spit on his face and rub it in with a dirty cloth

Original poster
LittleBipper · 05/10/2021 17:07

If he's bored at work, he can read a book, go for a walk, mess about on his phone, play a game, talk to a colleague - he doesn't need to ring you and check up on you and tell you off for not doing things to his specifications

He can't do any of those, he's an HGV driver. It's podcasts, Radio 4 or phoning me basically!

Why are you doing all housework if you're both working part time and you're home educating?

I'm not, he does at least 50% on the four days he's home, but he does have a moan if the dishes aren't done and there's stuff all over the floor.

OP posts:
MyPatronusIsACat · 05/10/2021 17:11

@LittleBipper

If he's bored at work, he can read a book, go for a walk, mess about on his phone, play a game, talk to a colleague - he doesn't need to ring you and check up on you and tell you off for not doing things to his specifications

He can't do any of those, he's an HGV driver. It's podcasts, Radio 4 or phoning me basically!

Why are you doing all housework if you're both working part time and you're home educating?

I'm not, he does at least 50% on the four days he's home, but he does have a moan if the dishes aren't done and there's stuff all over the floor.

Tell him to get more bloody hours! They are crying out for lorry drivers FFS!
PartyStory · 05/10/2021 17:12

he does have a moan if the dishes aren't done and there's stuff all over the floor.

Bin. I wouldn't put up with that. He can either do it himself or not comment on it.

Riada · 05/10/2021 17:13

I pick up the phone and say 'Go away, darling' if it doesn't suit me to talk, and in fairness, DH will almost always be phoning for a reason, or to know if I need something picked up on his way home.

MyPatronusIsACat · 05/10/2021 17:13

@LittleBipper

The more you post, the more you keep making excuses for him, and changing what you've said Hmm

Why do women DO this on here?!

Original poster
LittleBipper · 05/10/2021 17:14

He'll be worse then! He's annoying me more this week because he's working four week days instead of Friday-Sunday but I've obviously got more to do during the week.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleBipper · 05/10/2021 17:16

I don't think I am changing my story, adding more detail maybe, I appreciate it's annoying though

OP posts:
suspiria777 · 05/10/2021 17:16

Would you be happy if you sent your child to school and his teacher was having long phone calls with their spouse during class time? No? Then stop taking your husband's calls when you're simultaneously working from home, teaching your child, setting up another business and doing all the housework -- what sounds like the equivalent of TWO full time workloads.

TillyTopper · 05/10/2021 17:18

If my DP phoned in the day wanting a chat and I was busy it would go to voicemail. Sorry but I think he's checking up on you! So you are working, looking after DC and doing housework, playing with cats (WTAF), and building something so he can sell it. I think he needs to step up.

ILoveYouMoreTheEnd · 05/10/2021 17:26

Is this stupid post hour? How does he know you don't play with the cats enough?