To not want to go?

[hotelharibo]

DH not close to his extended family, they live 6+hours drive away and we see them once per year (when we visit!)

Cousin is getting married. It's on a Saturday but 11am so would need to travel Friday and probably take kids out of school as travelling Friday night would take a lot longer than 6 hours.

We'd need two nights in a hotel which we can afford but obviously the money has got to come from somewhere.

None of his cousins came to our wedding as it was too far.

I am not keen on taking kids out of school especially for wedding of someone we don't really know, but then it is family! Money is tight for DH cousin and im sure he would rather invite extra friends than us but MIL will be fuming if we don't go

I wouldn't go unless MIL pays. And probably not even then.

Was Mil not fuming when they didn't attend your wedding?
Yanbu, I wouldn't be going either.

I wouldn't go

I wouldn't go if you're not close.

No I wouldn't. It's a big ask and you're not even close with them.

Tell the cousins then tell MIL DH has told them and they understand as they couldn't make yours.

No way I'd be going ... 🌸

I wouldn't go either! Sodd that!

Just send your DH

I'd suggest your DH attends on his own.

He can go on his own. Or none of you go. Who cares what MIL thinks?! It’s not her wedding, they didn’t come to yours and she’s not the boss of you.

Well thankfully it's not up to your MIL to decide whether you go or not. Send a decline card and don't even mention it to MIL. If your Dh does actually want to go then he can go alone.

Could DH go if he wanted to and leave the rest of you at home?

Can just your DH go? Use the excuse that you don't want to take the kids out of school.

Don’t go. My mil is like this by the way so you have my sympathies.

Do what you want to do OP, everyone else does. I used to tie myself in knots to keep others happy but it's never enough, now I live by the adage "you'll never please everyone so you may as well please yourself". You hardly know this person, it's inconvenient, expensive etc. Just send apologies.

No I wouldn’t go. And if mil kicks off I would remind her the cousins didn’t come to your wedding

Nope. Who gives a fk if MiL is fuming?

What's she gonna do? Tell you all off? Send you to your room? Ignore you (good result)?

MIL will be fuming if we don't go

Riiiiight ... & was she also "fuming" when None of his cousins came to our wedding as it was too far.

It's pretty simple OP.
If you can't handle MiL's fuming, then you have to go.

OTOH, if you are reluctant to be controlled by another adult's temper tantrum about a decision that is none of her business ... then you don't have to go.

I would go, it's a lovely occasion and little adventure for your family, why not?

I’d just thank them for their kind invitation and apologise that you cannot accept it.

Possibly explain that as it’s during term time (close to any SATs/exams?) it’s not possible. Perhaps say you’d like to get them a gift and ask if there’s a list.

If you see them only once a year and it’s you that always visits them, then I suspect they’ve been strong-armed into inviting you!

For the whole family to come it would mean taking the children out of school for a day. You do not wish to do this as it is close to their exams for XXX. Also the school is strict and would mark it down as an "unauthorised absence" which you wish to avoid. As a compromise DH will attend alone yadda yadda.

Let her fume 🤷🏻‍♀️

I prob wouldn't take my dc out of school for their distant relatives wedding, who none of you are close to. I'd encourage dh to go on his own.

Nope - wouldn't be going. To far, too expensive and too much effort for a cousin you're not close to.