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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go?

45 replies

hotelharibo · 05/10/2021 13:11

DH not close to his extended family, they live 6+hours drive away and we see them once per year (when we visit!)

Cousin is getting married. It's on a Saturday but 11am so would need to travel Friday and probably take kids out of school as travelling Friday night would take a lot longer than 6 hours.

We'd need two nights in a hotel which we can afford but obviously the money has got to come from somewhere.

None of his cousins came to our wedding as it was too far.

I am not keen on taking kids out of school especially for wedding of someone we don't really know, but then it is family! Money is tight for DH cousin and im sure he would rather invite extra friends than us but MIL will be fuming if we don't go

OP posts:
lindjam · 05/10/2021 16:02

Fuck all to do with MIL

Let DH go on his own if he wants - the rest of you stay home and save some money - plus DC don't have to miss school to sit in car for 6 hours each way.

waybill · 05/10/2021 16:04

Well I'd say that if the cousin didn't come to your wedding, then I wouldn't make the effort to go to theirs.

How about if your DH goes on his own?

Macncheeseballs · 05/10/2021 16:36

You could go on the train so it's less stressful

ChargingBuck · 05/10/2021 16:52

@Macncheeseballs

I would go, it's a lovely occasion and little adventure for your family, why not?
Try reading the OP, where all the reasons "why not" are written about very clearly ...

The fact that you would go, & consider a wedding of people you barely know & don't want to see "a lovely occasion" bears no relevance to the OP, who does not want to go.

ChargingBuck · 05/10/2021 16:54

@Macncheeseballs

You could go on the train so it's less stressful
She could go by hot air balloon, or ride a unicorn there, apart from, as per the several reasons in her initial post, the OP does not want to go.
HollowTalk · 05/10/2021 17:04

If money is tight for them I'd send an extra nice gift and not go.

mrsbitaly · 05/10/2021 17:35

I wouldn't bother if they can't make the effort to visit you or even attend your wedding why should you but that's the tit for tat in me 🤣

MilduraS · 05/10/2021 17:49

I'd tell them that it would be too expensive to travel there and send a nice gift. I'm stubborn as anything though so the raging MIL wouldn't even come into my consideration.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 05/10/2021 18:01

Just do what you want to do

Original poster
hotelharibo · 05/10/2021 18:18

Ok that's pretty unanimous!

I think DH might go alone. Whilst I won't be dictated to by MIL it's just makes a slightly strained relationship harder and will increase her view that I'm a rubbish daughter in lawGrin

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 05/10/2021 18:28

Does your dh want to go?

LizzieBet14 · 05/10/2021 18:31

I agree DH could go on his own. Taking the kids out of school, a 6 hour drive and a 2 night stay for a distant family member? No thanks.

WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy · 05/10/2021 18:34

None of his cousins came to our wedding as it was too far.

So then they surely won’t be offended by you not going to their wedding for the same reason.
Sod what MIL thinks, I don’t have time for adults throwing tantrums over things that are sod all to do with them.

Macncheeseballs · 05/10/2021 18:35

Chargingbuck, op don't wanna go, fine, but all I'm saying is these events can be fun is all Smile

cushioncovers · 05/10/2021 18:41

Don't bother going, it's a cousin not a close relative

pigsDOfly · 05/10/2021 18:46

So you're contemplating taking your children out of school, which you don't want to do, undertaking a six hour journey with those children, spending money you can't afford for an overnight stay somewhere not of your choosing, all so that you can go to a wedding of someone you hardly know and who didn't come to your wedding because it was too far, just to stop you MIL from fuming.

Sod that for a game of soldiers. Let her fume.

They're your children, it's your money and your time and it's entirely up to you what you what you do with your children and how you spend your money and time.

SeasonFinale · 05/10/2021 18:47

Surely if DH goes on his own he still needs a hotel for 2 nights. How does that make it cheaper?

Polkadots2021 · 05/10/2021 18:55

Don't feed the beast. Your MIL sounds VU as it sounds like you'd all Have to spend a lot of money, kids would miss school and God knows what all so you don't incur her wrath. Don't give in to all that!

MyPatronusIsACat · 05/10/2021 19:12

I wouldn't be arsed to go to ANYone's wedding that involved an overnight stay. Only my DC, or my sibling. I certainly would not be doing it for DH's cousin...

YANBU. Let your DH go, and you stay home with the kids.

ChargingBuck · 05/10/2021 19:49

@Macncheeseballs

Chargingbuck, op don't wanna go, fine, but all I'm saying is these events can be fun is all Smile
I'm sure OP is already aware of that, but as she clearly won't find this one any fun at all, it's irrelevant to her thread.
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