Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Therapist wouldn’t tell me fees? Is this weird?

84 replies

CeceJoyce · 05/10/2021 09:30

So basically I contacted a private therapist as both of my daughters need help with anxiety which has gotten quite bad for them (ages 17 & 15). She replied and said she could call me the next day to discuss some of their issues etc. I said thank you and yes I’d be free to talk and then I asked if she could please let me know her fees.
She responded with a link to a charity and a recommendation to contact cahms (I have already done this the waiting list is long and we are in a fortunate position to pay for private therapy).

She said the charity may offer low rates.
In no way did I say I couldn’t afford the going rate but I’m in London so looking online I’ve seen therapists charge anything from £40 per 50 minutes up to £85. I don’t think I’m unreasonable to ask her rate!! But she hasn’t told me and just said to try this charity??
It feels a bit rude to me, is it unreasonable to ask how much she charges, do very wealthy people not need to ask and she’s assumed i can’t afford her??

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 05/10/2021 10:53

We have used a counsellor for DDs anxiety , in fact we tried a couple before she found one she gelled with.
Everyone I contacted was very upfront about charges and we paid £40 (Yorkshire).
I would try and find someone else, can school/college suggest anyone?

Gonnagetgoing · 05/10/2021 11:10

Find someone else and ensure they're BACP, NCS or UKCP registered.

I recently wanted to find a therapist, went through a website with them on it and was quite shocked by one woman therapist who emailed me twice, rang during work hours (she got my mobile voicemail) and then rang again to ask if I wanted to use her! Really pushy! I decided not to use her.

Chipsahoy · 05/10/2021 11:13

Online therapy? By that I mean via Skype. Lots of therapists have moved to online since covid and continue to offer it.
Which means you don’t have to pay London prices.. not that it is the issue, just means you can look elsewhere.
My therapist previously only saw people in person. Now he also offer Skype therapy for anyone in the UK or Europe.

Original poster
CeceJoyce · 05/10/2021 11:24

@MajesticWol
Well funnily enough I found another therapist (all the right experience and £50 per 50 minutes) She seemed perfect but she was full so she gave me the details of this therapist. There are no fees on her website and it actually says on another website where her details are listed to ‘contact her for fees’.

@AdmiralCain I think if she worked that way then she might have told me that in the e-Mail? I certainly won’t use her now but as petty as it is I am going to e-Mail her and ask why she didn’t send her fee. Even if she is expensive she should leave that for me to decide.

OP posts:
Original poster
CeceJoyce · 05/10/2021 11:26

@Chipsahoy
I’m currently having a battle with my eldest as she’s suddenly reluctant to steal to anyone but I think both girls would prefer face to face. I’m not wealthy by any means but I’m willing to pay what’s needed for face to face. I think after lockdown lessons online my two are a bit sick of it 🤣

OP posts:
MajesticWol · 05/10/2021 11:29

Yeah, that seems really weird.

HannaHanna · 05/10/2021 11:33

I would call again and ask. If she still won’t provide I would make a complaint.

As part of the UKCP code of conduct:

Communication:
6.1 The psychotherapist agrees to at the outset explain to a client, or prospective client, their terms, fees and conditions and, on request, clarify other related questions such as likely length of therapy, methods of practice to be utilised, referral or termination processes.

Found here: www.psychotherapy.org.uk/media/bzlpheqw/ukcp-ethical-principles-and-code-of-professional-conduct-2009.pdf

HannaHanna · 05/10/2021 11:36

Maybe BACP instead. They likely have similar.

Original poster
CeceJoyce · 05/10/2021 11:37

I’ve sent an e-Mail to her now it was polite but to the point. I just reminded her I’d asked her twice for her fees and I was unsure as to why she did not respond. I have adhd. Massive overthinker so now I’ll probably dread her reply all day 🤦🏼‍♀️. Probably should have left it 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
CeceJoyce · 05/10/2021 11:39

@HannaHanna I’ve just sent an e-Mail if she doesn’t respond to this one maybe I’ll think about that! It’s so strange as she has no idea about my finances, It’s not like I asked for a discount for having two children and in my first e-Mail I even said ‘would you offer therapy to two hidden from the same family’ so if it’s the fact I have two children she plus have said!

OP posts:
Original poster
CeceJoyce · 05/10/2021 11:40

@Gonnagetgoing
I hate being harassed!! It would be a no from me too!

OP posts:
Original poster
CeceJoyce · 05/10/2021 11:42

@Hoppinggreen
I think that’s the thing, finding someone your child feels comfortable with…
I’m
Obviously looking for a reasonable price (I did not indicate that to her) but my husband said we’ll pay anything, if course I told him anything could be £150 ph and that’s each for at lest 6/8 weeks…

OP posts:
MatildaIThink · 05/10/2021 11:42

[quote CeceJoyce]@Chipsahoy
I’m currently having a battle with my eldest as she’s suddenly reluctant to steal to anyone but I think both girls would prefer face to face. I’m not wealthy by any means but I’m willing to pay what’s needed for face to face. I think after lockdown lessons online my two are a bit sick of it 🤣[/quote]
My brother (in his thirties) had been seeing a therapist for three years and finished at the start of this year, he went through the initial process and was very open with three therapists, he went for the introductory session with all three and was honest with them about what he was doing (there was a fourth, but they said he was "wasting their time" when he told them what he was doing). In the end the one he picked he ended up working with for three years and it did him the world of good (our parents did a fair amount of damage over the years).

The key thing however is he carried on with doing therapy on Zoom during lockdown. When he was talking about it to another family member this summer he did say that he felt it would have been very hard to build the same rapport if it had been online from the start, vs what it was like in person, so if you can find someone who does face to face, at least for some of the sessions, I think that there is a strong benefit to that.

Original poster
CeceJoyce · 05/10/2021 11:48

She has just e-mailed back and said ‘I’m sorry I have no availability at present’ no apology and she’s obviously lying because her e-Mail to me was yesterday morning saying she’d call me today for a parent chat then we’d organise chatting with the girls! I’m even more riled now!! And the next day she suddenly has no space…

OP posts:
JumperandJacket · 05/10/2021 11:51

Yes, weird and unprofessional. In your shoes, I'd look for someone else- it's really important that your DDs get on with the therapist but also that you trust her yourself. After all, you are letting her speak to your daughters about their most personal things, in confidence (including from you). If she's already annoyed and confused you over fees, I struggle to see how you'll have sufficient faith in her as a therapist.

You may find you need to try a few. My DD had some therapy last year and saw an absolutely wonderful person, but not before we had had a completely pointless session with a woman who was totally useless and quite rude, despite being highly qualified.

Gonnagetgoing · 05/10/2021 11:54

[quote CeceJoyce]@Gonnagetgoing
I hate being harassed!! It would be a no from me too![/quote]
I couldn't believe how unprofessional it was and especially to ring me whilst I'm at work (normal working hours).

So it was a no from me. I'm not into being harassed.

Original poster
CeceJoyce · 05/10/2021 11:54

@JumperandJacket
Yes I’ve been there. I saw a therapist I don’t know the term but basically you do all the talking and they nod and you come to your own conclusions. It was tedious like talking to a brick wall.. so that was the biggest waste of my time! I like therapists that guide you, give you a book to read, tell you why the human brain makes you feel anxious basically is present!!

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 05/10/2021 11:54

@CeceJoyce

She has just e-mailed back and said ‘I’m sorry I have no availability at present’ no apology and she’s obviously lying because her e-Mail to me was yesterday morning saying she’d call me today for a parent chat then we’d organise chatting with the girls! I’m even more riled now!! And the next day she suddenly has no space…
What a weird response. Bin her and move on, OP.
HannaHanna · 05/10/2021 11:59

I hope you do make a complaint. Her behavior seems out of line with professional ethics. Am glad you found out what kind of practice she runs up front though.

Original poster
CeceJoyce · 05/10/2021 12:10

@HannaHanna yes that’s true…
I’m quite exhausted trying to find someone! Spent all week looking for a maths tutor too.. non stop parenting fun..

@IntermittentParps definitely!! Odd woman, she looked so friendly in her pic though..

OP posts:
Xenia · 05/10/2021 12:25

I think the problem is many who are cheap are not bound by professional ethics which set a lot of rules but they just don't apply to the cheaper ones.

GratitudeGoddess · 05/10/2021 12:30

I think the therapist should have been open to you from the beginning. When I read your original post she mentioned CAMHS and a charity. That to me said that she was on some level trying to communicate (very badly) that she was full and was directing you towards another service. This is her fault and not yours.

She should have been clearer and by not answering your emails about her fees was unprofessional.

I found Psychology Today really helpful because you can see all the prices, experience and qualifications from the offset.

Francescaisstressed · 05/10/2021 12:32

My therapist couldn't provide me the fees until initial consultation because she wanted to see what therapies I might need and they vary in intensity - not unusual but definately odd that she didn't explain that

LaBellina · 05/10/2021 12:35

She sounds odd, not only the lack of transparency about the fees without any further explanation on this but also the sudden cancellation. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that and look for someone else. Good luck.

MajesticWol · 05/10/2021 12:35

I think the problem is many who are cheap are not bound by professional ethics which set a lot of rules but they just don't apply to the cheaper ones.

That’s not true at all. All members of professional bodies are expected to abide by the professional ethics of the body they belong to, no matter what they charge.