Not sure what to do...

[Ncembarrassed1]

I don't know what to do. I'm a regular mner but have nc for this post.

I went out with a guy I've been seeing for a few weeks. I did drink too much but the pub was on my road and we had pre agreed he was staying with me.

Basically I woke up and had no recollection after the first few pints he said I seemed fine (until I tried to put my key in the lock..) and all seemed good.

But I've found a condom wrapper behind the door. And I don't know who's it is or how it got there. Its unsettling me.

@HollowTalk

So is he saying that you and he didn't have sex last night or is he saying you did and you consented to it?

Was the condom wrapper in your bedroom? Have you looked to see whether there's a condom in the bin? Wouldn't that be normal if he thought you'd consented?

I've no idea where the condom is. I have checked.

My drink was definitely spiked in a similar situation and I carried on seeing the guy for a bit then ended it. It took me quite a while to come to the realisation. It’s not in your head :(

@GlowInThePark

Occam's razor - The simplest explanation is that you both drank too much and neither of you can remember that you had (or at least attempted to have) sex.

You may only be jumping to explain it as "rape" because of your past experience.

Fck off

@GlowInThePark its quite upsetting that you would stick the boot in on a thread like this.

I "assumed" because I cleaned up before he got there and you shouldn't be having sex with someone that can't even get their key in the door.

Is there anything else you'd like to try and hurt me with?

Perhaps that should be your last comment now, @GlowInThePark.

@HollowTalk I'm going to just respond to @GlowInThePark even though I know it will rile it to retaliate

Or you can choose to believe it was a drunken fumble that you wanted at the time.

My therapist said even during a rape, your body physically responds as a self mechanism. I have looked after housemates when I've been drunk, I've seen how out of it they were. I wouldn't have tried to have sex with them.

And a man is not entitled to have sex with me just because I'm in a non exclusive relationship with him.

So is he saying that you and he didn't have sex or is he saying you did and it was consensual?

Were you paying for drinks by card or cash? Were you alternating paying? I'm just wondering if there's a way of finding out how many you'd had. I've never lost my memory like that - it sounds more like you've been drugged than you were drunk.

Few questions

We’re you naked when you woke?

We’re you sore when you woke?

We’re you in the same bed when you woke?

Has he said you both had sex that night?

8 pints is pretty excessive. I certainly wouldn’t have any knowledge of a night before if I drank that much

Sending hugs. The questions were to help you work this out.

The condom wrapper could of fallen out of his trousers from a previous time? There could be explanations.

Hugs.

I was spiked. I had one drink and my friend also had the same drink. We both became unconscious within about 30 mins. We both passed out in the toilet. At the exact same time. I’d had maybe half the drink.

@GlowInThePark
I have encountered your ilk recently

It really is just utter stupidity

You have no clue

OP I am so very sorry
This sounds like an awful frightening time and I hope there is a counsellor available to support you also

Don't forget there are many kind people on here too xxxxxx

Op I mean this gently, are you sure you were unconscious and he raped you? You seem to be,

Blackouts though are very different, it’s a memory fail. You can still be operating normally and then person has no way to know your memory paths are no longer working

I have blackouts, I don’t need to be that drunk. I can put out a whole meal, hold a full conversation and have no recollection of it the next day.

@Bluntness100 I crash out on my bed when I get in and all I'm game for is sleep. Likely literally homing pigeon style get to my door then its its bed, crash.

I’d also urge you op to look at all th options.

Were you naked, sore when you woke up? Do you think you were unconscious and raped, could the wrapper have fallen out of his pocket from an encounter with someone else previously? What feels realistically to you to be the most likely thing that happened based on how your body felt when you woke up and how he is behaving?

[quote Ncembarrassed1]@Bluntness100 I crash out on my bed when I get in and all I'm game for is sleep. Likely literally homing pigeon style get to my door then its its bed, crash.[/quote]
Ok. Do you also do that when you bring a guest home? If you’re sure you passed out and he raped you then you need to think through how you wish to proceed.

Have you asked him straight “did we have sex”?
How do you know you had 8 pints? Who says?

@Ncembarrassed1 can you ask to see cctv footage from the bar to see if he was putting anything in your drink?

OP I think what others are saying is that you don't recall so there could be more than one explanation. Maybe he could have been really drunk too so it's not necessarily a case of him taking advantage of you

Is there any evidence that you had sex? Does he say that you did or didn't? It may be that you did have sex but he is worried about your line of a accusation and so is denying it.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It must be difficult after your past experiences.

You could speak to the police about your worries and see if there is anything they can do in terms of gathering evidence but it's unlikely you'll remember if you both did have sex, then again if there is evidence you did then it is a red flag if he denies it.

[quote Ncembarrassed1]@Bluntness100 I crash out on my bed when I get in and all I'm game for is sleep. Likely literally homing pigeon style get to my door then its its bed, crash.[/quote]
Are you ok?