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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unfair-child maintenance?

29 replies

FedNlanders · 04/10/2021 17:41

I currently get CMS for 2 of my children, I get a small amount of 20 per week for both.

I had a letter that my ex is claiming he has them 52 nights a year.

He doesn't. He has seen them 3 nights in a whole year.

It says if we disagree the decision maker will automatically assume they stay once a week?

HOW is that fair? He seems them once a year!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/10/2021 17:46

That’s ridiculous. No advice as not dealt with them personally but hopefully someone can help.

He’s a bastard. They’re useless.

Original poster
FedNlanders · 04/10/2021 17:46

It won't be a huge loss a week, I think a small percent, but it seems unfair how the assumption is made.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Catawaul · 04/10/2021 17:48

That's incredibly unfair! How can they take his word over yours?

forinborin · 04/10/2021 17:49

Yes, this seems to be standard (I think 52 nights a week is your typical "every other weekend) assumption.

Noogar · 04/10/2021 17:49

Send them round one night a week?

toothpicklover · 04/10/2021 17:50

Just keep appealing it. Write down exact dates he has had them.

megletthesecond · 04/10/2021 17:51

Have you got text proof he barely has them?

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 04/10/2021 17:52

Annoying but if it’s not much of a difference then I would just leave it, my sister use to get her maintenance deducted because ex had a court order that said he had their son every other weekend but he had stopped having him years who but cms wouldn’t believe it and took the exes word for it even though my sister could prove it

icedcoffees · 04/10/2021 17:53

Why doesn't he have them? Can you get him to have them the amount he claims?

arethereanyleftatall · 04/10/2021 17:56

Yanbu. Somebody really needs to sort the mess that is the cms out. Too many absent fathers absolving themselves of any responsibility in the uk.

Cocomarine · 04/10/2021 18:17

That’s ridiculous - appeal it.

Floomingfootball · 04/10/2021 18:31

I just can’t believe it’s such a small percentage of a man’s (or non residential parent) wages.

It should be at least £100 a week or at least 1/2 bills as a minimum.

How many non residential parents have the kids EOW and able to afford to ‘spoil’ the kids with days out etc while the residential parent is there making ends meet.

jerometheturnipking · 04/10/2021 18:45

@Floomingfootball

I just can’t believe it’s such a small percentage of a man’s (or non residential parent) wages.

It should be at least £100 a week or at least 1/2 bills as a minimum.

How many non residential parents have the kids EOW and able to afford to ‘spoil’ the kids with days out etc while the residential parent is there making ends meet.

That's ridiculous.

Yes, let's have NRPs paying 100% of the housing costs for their household as well as 50% of the housing costs for their ex. Or £400 a month regardless of income Hmm

CiaoForNiao · 04/10/2021 18:51

It's baffling how they just believe the NRP. My ex told the CMS we only had one child. I sent both their BCs in and they said "but Mr Surname said you only have 1"
Who the fuck eats half the food and sleeps in the bottom bunk then Hmm
Idiots.

Noogar · 04/10/2021 18:52

It should be at least £100 a week or at least 1/2 bills as a minimum. you want them to pay 1/2 the bills for another household?

Elieza · 04/10/2021 19:08

Who is the letter saying they will just make presumptions actually from?

HerRoyalNotness · 04/10/2021 19:16

Put in the details in the calculator

child-maintenance.dwp.gov.uk/calculate/details/will-you-be-paying-or-receiving-child-maintenance-payments

There is no difference to the rate if he has them no nights, or less than 52 nights. I used 2k/mth in the example, when it gets to 52-103 nights a year it drops by £8 a week. (£55 to £47)

Send in the proof he has them 3 nights a year and see what they say

AnImposter · 04/10/2021 19:44

Child maintenance service is an absolute disgrace.

Raffydon · 05/10/2021 08:16

@Elieza

Who is the letter saying they will just make presumptions actually from?
CMS. I can take a pic. I believe someone just told him this is the default decision so he is trying his luck as he won't have to pay as much!

He does not see them more often because we live 4 hours apart now and he does not drive. He also never initiates contact.

The court order stating one weekend a month is from 2018 but that's all I have. Shall I just send that as proof? Not sure what else I have as proof because he hasn't seen them!

Raffydon · 05/10/2021 08:16

@HerRoyalNotness

Put in the details in the calculator

child-maintenance.dwp.gov.uk/calculate/details/will-you-be-paying-or-receiving-child-maintenance-payments

There is no difference to the rate if he has them no nights, or less than 52 nights. I used 2k/mth in the example, when it gets to 52-103 nights a year it drops by £8 a week. (£55 to £47)

Send in the proof he has them 3 nights a year and see what they say

Yes he is saying 52-103, nights now.
Naunet · 05/10/2021 09:03

what an absolute shit show. If women started leaving men with the kids and not paying, or only paying £20 a week etc, you can bet your arse the system would be changed quick smart.

HugeAckmansWife · 05/10/2021 09:08

I also think the no of nights is a blunt instrument. My ex sees them mostly in the holidays for chunks of time, not the 2/3 nights a week that the 52-103 assumes. If he had them almost half the week, every week it would make a massive difference to my life and my outgoings, but chunks in the holidays, not so much. He doesn't contribute in money or time to activities, hobbies, school related stuff etc other than the exact cms rate, doesn't cover any childcare when I need to work late etc.
The cms can only work if it was massively invested in and overhauled so that each case is properly assessed individually, with a dedicated case worker and regularly reviewed with each side actually listened too and no assumptions made.

Elieza · 05/10/2021 09:28

So he said 52 nights, then realised that won’t affect his having to pay for them, so he changed it to over 53 nights! What a prince.

I wish they would just tax us all at source and then give the correct amount of it to the resident parent or refund those that don’t have children or something so scum like him wouldn’t get away with it.

Just tell the truth. All of it. I hope that he gets what he deserves. Which is his kids being completely uninterested in his useless self and see him for the stingy lying prick he is when they get older.

Raffydon · 05/10/2021 14:29

Thank you everyone. Have sent forms back but not sure what proof I have. Wish they could ask my kids if they have seem him! Absolute scum bag x

Raffydon · 05/10/2021 14:31

Opps name change fail :-)