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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why is my neighbour always mooching favours?

41 replies

coodawoodashooda · 03/10/2021 22:30

Babysitting, spoons of coffee, garden chairs, babysitting, lifts... How come? I find it so bizarre because i just didn't get brought up to bother people unless you absolutely had to.

OP posts:
Bargoed · 03/10/2021 22:31

Because you oblige - check your boundaries

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 03/10/2021 22:32

Probably because you keep saying ‘yes’. If you say ‘no’ enough times it’ll stop.

WellLarDeDar · 03/10/2021 22:32

Why don't you just say no?

TableDesk · 03/10/2021 22:32

Because people (you?) always oblige!

Ionlydomassiveones · 03/10/2021 22:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

coodawoodashooda · 03/10/2021 22:36

I have said no. I do say no. I even sent a text years ago specifically saying that i just couldn't help her with babysitting. But still she asks. Not just me either, loads of people. I can't figure why shes not embarrassed.

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 03/10/2021 22:37

@Ionlydomassiveones

I just think some people are very comfortable being pushy and grabby. I just find it unfathomable how they are not embarrassed, but clearly not.
Yeah. A while back her kids followed another mum home. That's how much they expected to be babysat.
OP posts:
Youdoyoutoday · 03/10/2021 22:37

Some people have no shame but you need to learn to say no.

Neighbour - can I have some coffee?
You - no, I have replaced it since you last moorhen some so I was going to ask you for some?

Neighbour - can you babysit Friday night?
You - no I have plans, see you later.

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 03/10/2021 22:38

@coodawoodashooda

I have said no. I do say no. I even sent a text years ago specifically saying that i just couldn't help her with babysitting. But still she asks. Not just me either, loads of people. I can't figure why shes not embarrassed.
In that case she’s used up all her chances to be treated reasonably so I’d be really rude in saying no from now on.

‘Honestly Sandra, this is getting ridiculous. I have told you over and over I can’t help. Please leave me alone.’ And then don’t answer the door to her or answer her calls.

Youdoyoutoday · 03/10/2021 22:38

Cross Post

A while back her kids followed another mum home. That's how much they expected to be babysat.

That's shocking!!

coodawoodashooda · 03/10/2021 22:39

@Youdoyoutoday

Cross Post

A while back her kids followed another mum home. That's how much they expected to be babysat.

That's shocking!!

I know. It shocks everyone but her.
OP posts:
dustofneptune · 03/10/2021 22:43

Some people struggle with social boundaries / think relationships are deeper than they are / literally don't care about other people's preferences.

I had a person like this in my life, who actually moved a few doors down from me for a while (agh). She constantly asked for all kinds of favours and it was totally exhausting having to keep fielding her off. She'd also do it in such a way that she'd purposefully corner me (i.e. if she knew I was home for the night or had no plans, thus it was hard for me to come up with an excuse).

The only way to stop someone like this is to say no to literally every request. Better yet, if it's by text, ignore altogether and don't respond.

Otherwise, to say, "I don't like that you keep asking me for favours. It makes me feel pressured and uncomfortable. Please stop asking."

I basically said the latter to this person. She laughed, said "hey, there's no harm in asking - I'll keep asking, and you can say no if you want lol" and continued to ask.

I stopped replying and basically avoided her as much as possible.

Good luck dealing with her. I feel for you!

HalfCakeHalfBiscuit · 03/10/2021 22:45

spoons of coffee

Do you literally handover a teaspoon of coffee?

"Hello, we are out of coffee"

"Here you go, have a spoon of coffee"

why not offer 2 spoons? Or even a small pot?

Brollywasntneededafterall · 03/10/2021 22:45

My ndn when I was very young was similar.. Every Saturday she knocked to ask if I would clean her canary out as she was scared of it...
She got her bf to buy her one to match her yellow kitchen..

coodawoodashooda · 03/10/2021 22:45

@HalfCakeHalfBiscuit

spoons of coffee

Do you literally handover a teaspoon of coffee?

"Hello, we are out of coffee"

"Here you go, have a spoon of coffee"

why not offer 2 spoons? Or even a small pot?

It was another neighbour for that one.
OP posts:
FangsForTheMemory · 03/10/2021 22:52

Maybe she's lonely and it's a way of making contact with other people?

QueenBee52 · 03/10/2021 22:55

@Bargoed

Because you oblige - check your boundaries

yip ...

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 03/10/2021 22:59

@FangsForTheMemory

Maybe she's lonely and it's a way of making contact with other people?
🙄
Wineat5isfine · 03/10/2021 23:58

I think that some people are just naturally entitled and think the world owes them a favour!

It doesn’t matter how many times you say no, they’ll keep asking. There’s just no shame 🤷🏼‍♀️

Notaroadrunner · 04/10/2021 00:00

She might keep asking but you just have to keep saying no. She clearly has the hide of a rhino.

Catflapkitkat · 04/10/2021 02:57

When it comes to favours, I think there are two very distinct camps. If I ask for help with something, I am so grateful - will try to repay the favour back in some back, or at least buy a bottle of wine, flowers or send a card etc. I would also think 'I can't push it and ask again as they had been so gracious and helped once. The second group (your neighbour) is of the 'you helped me once' so I will ask for more and more and more because you keep saying yes and I feel no need to repay the favours. I will just keep upping the asking until I am cut off.

1forAll74 · 04/10/2021 03:28

Just say the word no, if this is a very regular happening. People should get themselves more organised, if they run out of coffee or sugar or whatever, and definitely should not expect lifts or regular babysitting etc.

Justilou1 · 04/10/2021 03:43

I had neighbours like this. She used to send her kids over while we were eating (they were like sad-eyed Labradors wanting to eat our dinner. Had to nip that in the bud. I had to basically frisk her kids before they left our house as they always stole things. (That was always denied, so fucking useless conversation.) I ended up banning them from coming in the house. Then kids would come to the door asking to “borrow” some Mayo, coffee, ketchup, etc… never returned. I drew a map to the supermarket (about 500m away) and handed that over the fence with a list of all the things they’d “borrowed” in the last week and that obviously this had been going on for far too long and she was taking the piss. I asked for her to replace the items she had “borrowed” - brand new, same brand as mine had been, and to never ask me again.

Autumnscene · 04/10/2021 04:25

I think some people are just very needy, maybe brought up by needy parents and they think it’s the norm. It’s a bit like people who always cancel arranged play dates, coffee get together etc, they’re just very disorganised/don’t care.

Jayaywhynot · 04/10/2021 07:47

I feel you OP, my ndn was the same, constantly asking for favours.
Lifts, trips to the supermarket and wait to bring her back, take her mum home to the other side of town, pick up furniture that she'd got on local selling sites, run her kids to the shop as she didn't want them out in the dark, take her kids to the supermarket to buy swimwear (by myself which made me responsible for buying age appropriate swimwear) another time it was for winter school coats, urgent yoghurt run was another, constant texts for favours, if I didn't reply she'd ring, if I didn't answer she'd bang on the front door 🙄
It started as a one off lift then snowballed until it was constant.
Funny thing was she barely spoke to me outside of wanting favours, sometimes she'd be chatty but mostly she looked like she was annoyed with me and ignore me if I said Hi, this was a pattern for years until I stopped speaking to her after another bout of her ignoring me, it's been liberating, I wish I'd been on MN back then and poster could have given me some advice, so my advice to you is to keep saying no, that doesn't work for me, good luck