Why is my neighbour always mooching favours?

[coodawoodashooda]

Babysitting, spoons of coffee, garden chairs, babysitting, lifts... How come? I find it so bizarre because i just didn't get brought up to bother people unless you absolutely had to.

Is she a solo parent? None of those favours sound massive, especially if the coffee was a different neighbour. My neighbours and I are always helping each other out in little ways, it’s reciprocal and has actually helped build a wee community. Maybe try asking her for a favour, and see how she responds? If she doesn’t like it, it might make her see her own requests are bothersome to you.

@Libelula21

Is she a solo parent? None of those favours sound massive, especially if the coffee was a different neighbour. My neighbours and I are always helping each other out in little ways, it’s reciprocal and has actually helped build a wee community. Maybe try asking her for a favour, and see how she responds? If she doesn’t like it, it might make her see her own requests are bothersome to you.

Yes as but as you say it’s reciprocal. CF’s don’t do their fair share in return.

There are people who are needy or simply entitled. I think there are also people who are from communities where everyone helps each other out, and they don't see that those social relationships usually develop over a long time, starting with tiny favours before building up and involve a high degree of reciprocity. I will watch my neighbours kids because she let me use her washing machine when I was waiting for mine to be repaired.

Its when people expect to take take take from the social pot, from day 1, and dont consider how they can give back, that they become CFs.

Mi think maybe it's what their parents did so normal to them? I was raised not to be a CF thankfully

I have great neighbours and we all help each other if needed but no one takes the piss. I'd always go to the shop if out of milk, sugar etc.

Reminds me of the character Cadging Carol on a Royle Family episode

i had a neighbour like that,
i thought it was old fashioned at first but she wore me down

I think some people have no social awareness. They just think about themselves and fulfilling their needs without thinking of the needs of anyone else.

Same principle as phone scammers - you try loads of people because all you need is the occasional sucker to fall for it/say yes.

They clearly have no shame. Perhaps respond with "why would I do that?" Or "what's in it for me?" Their response should be good cor a laugh if nothing else!

I had a ‘friend’ like that, she expected babysitting, sleepovers, to hang out at my house when it suited her, to stay for hours and hours and expect to be fed.🙄 When I started having boundaries, she fell out with me. Is great!

Some people genuinely don't see others as having needs of their own. They see them as static creatures that are on perpetual call to meet their demands. It's a personality type.

@HalfCakeHalfBiscuit

spoons of coffee

Do you literally handover a teaspoon of coffee?

"Hello, we are out of coffee"

"Here you go, have a spoon of coffee"

why not offer 2 spoons? Or even a small pot?

There’s always one 🙄 Why not give her a packet of biscuits too? Or bake fresh ones, because it would be nice?

The OP didn’t say that she (or the other neighbour in this case) actually weighed out the coffee on a spoon. She said this was what the cadging neighbour asked to ‘borrow’.

Her poor kids. What a dreadful and sad way to live.
Neighbour may have grown up like that and is simply continuing what she's used to.

@NightVinca

Reminds me of the character Cadging Carol on a Royle Family episode

I was just about to say that.

Used to live in a block of flats where some neighbors constantly would knock on door at stupid times asking for things. Eventually stopped answering

My ndn when I was very young was similar.. Every Saturday she knocked to ask if I would clean her canary out as she was scared of it

You could have said Saturday is the day you clean your boa constrictor’s tank out and ask if she’d like to swap while you sort out her canary.

I had 3 dcats that followed me in!! Not sure how that canary survived that flat anyway.. Pot Pourri City

Not envy.

@Justilou1

I had neighbours like this. She used to send her kids over while we were eating (they were like sad-eyed Labradors wanting to eat our dinner. Had to nip that in the bud. I had to basically frisk her kids before they left our house as they always stole things. (That was always denied, so fucking useless conversation.) I ended up banning them from coming in the house. Then kids would come to the door asking to “borrow” some Mayo, coffee, ketchup, etc… never returned. I drew a map to the supermarket (about 500m away) and handed that over the fence with a list of all the things they’d “borrowed” in the last week and that obviously this had been going on for far too long and she was taking the piss. I asked for her to replace the items she had “borrowed” - brand new, same brand as mine had been, and to never ask me again.

We have similar CF in the village. Her friendships fluctuate depending on who is doing her favours. Kids scrounging for drinks and food (family NOT on breadline) asking for sleepovers/playdates (had her kids a few times,mine NEVER invited).

They moved in the village a few years back. Everybody welcomed them then she took an absolute piss with childcare.
Caught her lying a few times trying to get the childcare.

Blunt “NO” now to any requests from her/her kids. No sleepovers, playdates, childminding, hanging around together, no snacks or drinks unless I have enough for everybody.

Sometimes you have to be blunt on the verge of being rude (or even be rude) as these people will take whatever they can.

She still finds the mugs willing to accommodate her and her kids but it’s not my business.