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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DP is taking the piss over house costs?

86 replies

LurkioJr · 03/10/2021 10:47

NB Edited for clarity and traffic:

Please help me with this one. My partner and I had a serious disagreement about money yesterday. We have been together for 8 years. Last June we transferred my house into joint names. I had 40k of equity and he paid 16k for an uneven share. He didn’t pay for half because (my recollection) he said he didn’t have 20k of ready cash. His recollection- he offered to pay 20k for half and I said no because it would clean him out. I then spent 23k on home improvements; he contributed about 2k for sundries e.g flooring, lights. He received a redundancy package of 35k in December and found a new job in March. At the time we put the house into joint names he earned 65k and I earned 40k, now we both earn about 50k. The final renovation we needed for the house was a new bathroom cost 9k. We agreed to pay half each. I have about 20k in savings mixture of cash and shares. It now transpires that he has 70k in cash and shares. 35k of that was the redundancy package; the other 35k he must have had at the time we agreed the house transfer. He thinks our deal last June was fair; I feel taken advantage of. I’ve asked him to pay me the 4K equity shortfall and to pay the whole cost of the bathroom renovations which he’s agreed to. It’s not a full 50/50 split of the total cost of the renovations but I think it will iron out in time because I’ll be asking him to foot the bill every time we need something for the house for the foreseeable future! AIBU to think he took the piss last June?

OP posts:

Palavah · 03/10/2021 10:50

But if you didn't like the amount he was putting in you could have said no and just gone it alone?

Did you see a solicitor to make sure that your uneven contributions to the cost of the house are reflected in ownership %? It's not clear from your post.

Ponoka7 · 03/10/2021 10:50

He lied and completely deceived you. I'd say that he's out for what he can get and didn't really commit to a proper partnership. Protect yourself financially. Remember that you aren't married and what's his certainly isn't yours, or even to share.

Original poster

LurkioJr · 03/10/2021 10:53

For clarity: we are both solicitors so didn’t feel the need to use an independent lawyer.

OP posts:

MyPatronusIsACat · 03/10/2021 10:54

Yeah he HAS took the piss, and you made a mistake putting YOUR house in his name as well. I would be doing everything I can (if I were you) to change it back. He's a cheeky fucker, a leech, a liar, and a cocklodger. I'd be seriously re-thinking this relationship to be honest.

DrSbaitso · 03/10/2021 10:55

Yes, he took the piss and I'd be reconsidering the relationship.

MilduraS · 03/10/2021 10:56

Yes, it sounds like he took the piss. Not sure what options you have now you have joint ownership.

Quartz2208 · 03/10/2021 10:56

Yep I would see if you can pay him back the 16k get him off the house and call it a day as this all sounds far too much for a relationship

Concestor · 03/10/2021 10:57

Why did you transfer the house into joint names? You just gave him half your house for nothing!

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/10/2021 10:57

He lied. To your face. I wouldn’t be happy about this at all.

honeylulu · 03/10/2021 11:01

He lied about not having funds last year so he could (a) pay less for his share of the house and (b) contribute only minimally to renovation costs on the shared asset. He may have been cautious for a reason - he got made redundant at the end of last year and may have been aware that was coming. But the lying/misleading you is unacceptable and I'd be gutted. Things have worked out for him financially and he's effectively enriched himself at your expense, whilst also enjoying the benefits of the renovations you've funded. Even if he hadn't though, the deception would still be awful.

For me it would feel like him thinking "I don't care what's fair, I'm keeping my cash and the stupid bitch can fund the house."

How has he tried to justify it to you?

Original poster

LurkioJr · 03/10/2021 11:03

He paid 16k for 16k of equity so at the time I was happy with that- I thought he had less cash than he had and I wanted us to have more commitment. I am mainly cheesed about paying for all the renovations and being under the impression he was cash poor when he was not. He had been living in my house for about 3years before this and contributing to bills; I wanted us to both to have more security and a stake in our home. The best solution I can see is to even out the contribution. He doesn’t agree he withheld info from me so we’ll have to both accept we have different recollections of events and try and move on from it. He’s willing to front up the cash now, so I don’t think he’s actively trying to deceive me. I think he just has an ‘I’m skint’ mindset from growing up poor, regardless of what he’s got in the bank

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 03/10/2021 11:03

I think he has screwed you over financially. This would be a deal breaker for me. You shouldn't have transferred the house into joint names when the money you both put in was unequal. I'd split up. Or make him pay for improvements then split up. When you say uneven share do you mean you don't own the house 50/50.

user1495884211 · 03/10/2021 11:04

His recollection- he offered to pay 20k for half and I said no because it would clean him out.

If this is his recollection, what reason has he given for not telling you about his additional savings and disabusing you of the notion that he would be cleaned out?

PatsyJStone · 03/10/2021 11:07

This would make me question the relationship all round

burnoutbabe · 03/10/2021 11:08

Please clarify exactly how you own the house?

Tenants in common, and if so what %

Or joint tenants?

GinIronic · 03/10/2021 11:08

What a prince.

Gingernaut · 03/10/2021 11:09

He lied to you about his finances and has gained a share of your house.

You are being financially abused.

TimeForTeaAndG · 03/10/2021 11:10

How did it just come about that you found out he has 70k in savings? Was the other 35k in shares that he couldn't readily access hence him "not having" the cash available for the house?

Either way, I'd probably rethink things if he isn't fully transparent about money. You're not married so it's technically none of your business but if you're both in it for the long term then I'd think it best to know full financials.

Also, just because you do something for a job doesn't mean it's not good sense to get independent advice from someone not involved in the situation, especially for something like a house!

Ligjteood · 03/10/2021 11:10

So is this house in joint names or tenants in common where your respective shares are detailed?

Original poster

LurkioJr · 03/10/2021 11:11

Joint tenants (for the sake of ease if one of us died), informal but documented agreement for uneven split of equity. I generally trust him, he’s very loyal and kind if a bit of a grumpy northerner. I’m feeling pretty bad about posting this now, he’s not nearly as much of a p*ick as this incident makes him out to be!

OP posts:

Mumdiva99 · 03/10/2021 11:11

So you are arguing over 4k?

Do you really feel this relationship is going to work long term?

Did he think you needed to do 23k worth of renovations? Or dis you make the choice to do them?

Do you have different levels of financial security? He sounds like he's trying to keep 6-12 months of funds in case of something like....redundancy. You sound more happy to spend.

As a unit, a partnership, a family do you not share assets and cash? How will you view things in future if you have kids?

If you really think your partner has 'screwed you over' or 'taken the piss' where is the trust between you...

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 03/10/2021 11:13

I would sell the house, each take back what you put in from the equity so you are even as to where you were before, and if you want to continue the relationship, buy somewhere new together on a 50:50 basis.

I am a bit baffled why, as a solicitor, you didn’t get the agreements tied down fully at the time. Even after 8 years, people can surprise you, and not always in a good way.

The other alternative is to get married or civil partnered - then everything you each own would be considered to belong to both of you. Is there a reason why you felt that adding your P to the deeds of the house was a suitable commitment, but marrying/partnering wasn’t?

Claudethecat · 03/10/2021 11:14

I would buy back his share of the house and get rid. This is almost cocklodging territory!

MrsFin · 03/10/2021 11:14

If the house is in joint names, you own it 50:50, regardless of who put in more cash. Surely as a solicitor you know that. Unless you have some kind of legal document which states otherwise.
Are you joint tenants, or tenants in common?
How do you feel about your partner getting everything if you die?
Have you got a will?
I too think you've been very silly regarding both the initial agreement and how you've split the cost of improvements etc.
Did your partner pay you rent before he "bought" £16k's worth of your house off you?
So many questions.....

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 03/10/2021 11:14

Sounds like he had made amends. You recall differently. If you genuinely think he's dishonest get rid otherwise let it go.

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