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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to have zero compassion for this man?

37 replies

Maskless · 02/10/2021 07:57

Sussex Police have published a story in which a man is painted as the innocent victim of a female extortionist. At first I thought, oh, poor bloke, but having read it, I have no more compassion for him than I have for her.

In short, a married man and father (probably grandfather, too) in his 60s met a woman on a webchat and they "talked" for about eight days. He sent her sexual photos of himself. The woman asked him for money so she could get a phone contract. He willingly sent £20.

She then demanded more money or she would put the photos onto the Internet.

Police said the victim felt under pressure so told his wife and daughter and refused to send any further money. His refusal worked and the blackmailer disappeared.

Police said "the experience made the victim feel very low and depressed."

"He had little money and this has caused him extra distress."

The victim was assigned a fraud caseworker from Victim Support who specialises in providing emotional support to victims of fraud/scams.

We are expected to feel sorry for a married man who engaged in secret sexy chats behind his wife's back with a random woman he met online, then sent her money when they are hard up, and who takes photos of his penis and emails them to women.

I feel that his wife and kids are the victims here, to be honest. What a way to find out your hubby/elderly dad is a cheating sleazebag who takes sordid dick pics.

AIBU to have zero compassion for this man, to be disgusted with the police for presenting him as an innocent victim, and to resent my taxes being used to give this fool "emotional support"?

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 02/10/2021 08:00

I feel the same. Karma innit Grin at least i would hope he would now think twice before cheating on his wife, but I doubt it.

Dizzy1234 · 02/10/2021 08:00

There's no fool like an old fool.
Zero sympathy here for the "victim", lots of sympathy for his DH

Dizzy1234 · 02/10/2021 08:01

*DW 🙄

TumtumTree · 02/10/2021 08:03

I agree OP. If anyone needs emotional support here, surely it's the poor wife rather than the cheating man?

Still1nLove · 02/10/2021 08:18

What an arse

Zilla1 · 02/10/2021 08:21

Was there a sadface sofa family photo with an insert photo of the picture he sent and possibly a stock photo of a foreign brazen hussy with a webcam and a keyboard and a bag marked swag, ruthlessly exploiting innocent older men unwise to this exploitative online world of overseas criminality? His poor family.

MoreAloneTime · 02/10/2021 08:25

What was done to him was wrong but I didn't half shudder reading about what he'd been doing. Gross

Dee1975 · 02/10/2021 08:29

Would you feel the same if it was the other way round? It was a man blackmailing a women over photos?

poullou · 02/10/2021 08:29

No one is asking you to feel sorry for him. The story is a warning against internet fraud.

ClareBlue · 02/10/2021 08:57

Yes, if was a married women doing the same would you feel the same way. You can pass judgement on this behaviour but the point is that he was being blackmailed. That's the criminal offence.

minou123 · 02/10/2021 09:03

Hang on a minute, why does he and police think its a women?

This is the Internet. He may well have thought it was a woman he was sending dick pictures to, but it could have been anyone.

HikingforScenery · 02/10/2021 09:03

The point of that article is the blackmail involved. People commit suicide over situations like that. Awful.

However, I don’t get the idea of sending those photos. Do women like receiving them?

SpiderinaWingMirror · 02/10/2021 09:06

Good point re it probably isn't a woman.
Blackmail and extortion are wrong, full stop.
In the whole spectrum of sympathetic situations, this is quite low though.

Fairyliz · 02/10/2021 09:09

I would probably have had some sympathy if he’d been sending photos to a girlfriend and she had threatened to put them online or something.
But he was a married man sending them to a allegedly young woman. Frankly I think he is responsible for his own actions, shouldn’t have been a twat.

2Two · 02/10/2021 09:09

YABU to condone blackmail.

Robotbot · 02/10/2021 09:11

The victim was assigned a fraud caseworker from Victim Support who specialises in providing emotional support to victims of fraud/scams.

I'd be interested if the roles were reversed if a woman would be offered the same. I would guess no.

vivainsomnia · 02/10/2021 09:17

You have no idea, no idea what happens between closed doors.

Maybe his wife won't have sex with him any longer, maybe she can't, maybe they have agreed that he could meet someone online.

Maybe he didn't tell because he was embarrassed about the money and knew he'd been a fool to send money.

But let's go and judge because...he happens to be a man...

SpringSparrow · 02/10/2021 09:19

Do you have a link to the story? I’d like to know why it’s assumed he was messaging a woman rather than someone pretending to be a woman. And what about it being a crime to send dick pictures?!

MuthaFunka61 · 02/10/2021 09:22

@vivainsomnia

You have no idea, no idea what happens between closed doors.

Maybe his wife won't have sex with him any longer, maybe she can't, maybe they have agreed that he could meet someone online.

Maybe he didn't tell because he was embarrassed about the money and knew he'd been a fool to send money.

But let's go and judge because...he happens to be a man...

He's not being judged due to being a man,he's being judged due to being a married man and there's a world of difference.

Raise your bar

drumandthebass · 02/10/2021 09:31

I think I need sleep. I read "contortionist"!!

SickAndTiredAgain · 02/10/2021 09:33

I think YABU as far as the police are concerned. They’re talking about crime and he is the victim there.

YANBU to not feel sorry for him.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/10/2021 09:42

The blackmailer was very likely a bloke sitting in some dedicated call/internet centre in Nigeria.

Did anyone else see the TV prog where some IT whizz actually tracked his would-be scammer down to Lagos? A huge office with lots of employees, for all the world like e.g. a BT call centre, purely for the purpose of scamming people!

Naunet · 02/10/2021 09:56

@vivainsomnia

You have no idea, no idea what happens between closed doors.

Maybe his wife won't have sex with him any longer, maybe she can't, maybe they have agreed that he could meet someone online.

Maybe he didn't tell because he was embarrassed about the money and knew he'd been a fool to send money.

But let's go and judge because...he happens to be a man...

Jeez, do you always jump to the defence of pathetic cheating men? 🙄
KaptainKaveman · 02/10/2021 10:00

These fools who fall for online scammers and dish out all their money....WTF is wrong with them? how did they get to be so stupid?

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 02/10/2021 10:04

He was being a sleazy creep and it bit him in the backside. I have no sympathy for him but a crime was committed and he is a victim of that crime. It's just hard to feel sorry for him when you know it only happened because he was looking for young women to send pictures of his crusty cock to 🤷‍♀️