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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to have zero compassion for this man?

37 replies

Maskless · 02/10/2021 07:57

Sussex Police have published a story in which a man is painted as the innocent victim of a female extortionist. At first I thought, oh, poor bloke, but having read it, I have no more compassion for him than I have for her.

In short, a married man and father (probably grandfather, too) in his 60s met a woman on a webchat and they "talked" for about eight days. He sent her sexual photos of himself. The woman asked him for money so she could get a phone contract. He willingly sent £20.

She then demanded more money or she would put the photos onto the Internet.

Police said the victim felt under pressure so told his wife and daughter and refused to send any further money. His refusal worked and the blackmailer disappeared.

Police said "the experience made the victim feel very low and depressed."

"He had little money and this has caused him extra distress."

The victim was assigned a fraud caseworker from Victim Support who specialises in providing emotional support to victims of fraud/scams.

We are expected to feel sorry for a married man who engaged in secret sexy chats behind his wife's back with a random woman he met online, then sent her money when they are hard up, and who takes photos of his penis and emails them to women.

I feel that his wife and kids are the victims here, to be honest. What a way to find out your hubby/elderly dad is a cheating sleazebag who takes sordid dick pics.

AIBU to have zero compassion for this man, to be disgusted with the police for presenting him as an innocent victim, and to resent my taxes being used to give this fool "emotional support"?

OP posts:
sst1234 · 02/10/2021 10:41

It goes for both men and women. You seem them on tv all the time, ageing men or middle aged women swept off their feet by attractive younger people, then taken to the cleaners. The ‘victims’ then turn up wide eyed, crying and upset saying how they’re heartbroken because they really thought that person cared for them. Yeah right, you thought an attractive 20 something year old went out of their way to fall for middle aged person and now you’re surprised that you got got scammed. You were just a randy and didn’t engage your brain. Anyone that stupid deserves it, so sympathy at all.

GianaSister · 02/10/2021 10:57

I don’t feel sorry for elderly women who rinse away their life savings on a 20 something guy they met on holiday and end up living back with their children because they can’t afford their house any more. Do you, OP? If not, why not?

GianaSister · 02/10/2021 10:58

^^oops, that was meant to say, if you do, why and what is the difference?

slashlover · 02/10/2021 12:05

So he was threatened with blackmail and revenge porn?

PlanDeRaccordement · 02/10/2021 12:22

There are two victims here, the man and his wife. I personally feel sorry for both of them. His wife more sympathy than him, but still have a bit left over for him too. And I realise I am assuming they have regular closed marriage. It could be they have an open marriage like my sister and BIL do.

Realowlette · 02/10/2021 12:47

@Robotbot

The victim was assigned a fraud caseworker from Victim Support who specialises in providing emotional support to victims of fraud/scams.

I'd be interested if the roles were reversed if a woman would be offered the same. I would guess no.

They do.
CanofCant · 02/10/2021 12:49

YANBU

amillionrosepetals · 02/10/2021 12:50

@sst1234

It goes for both men and women. You seem them on tv all the time, ageing men or middle aged women swept off their feet by attractive younger people, then taken to the cleaners. The ‘victims’ then turn up wide eyed, crying and upset saying how they’re heartbroken because they really thought that person cared for them. Yeah right, you thought an attractive 20 something year old went out of their way to fall for middle aged person and now you’re surprised that you got got scammed. You were just a randy and didn’t engage your brain. Anyone that stupid deserves it, so sympathy at all.
Couldn't agree more @sst1234. The cynic in me always wonders if they go public in the hope that people will feel sorry for them and offer them some money.
doublemonkey · 02/10/2021 13:31

Do they give the same level of support to women who report men stalking and harrassing them?

honeybuns007 · 02/10/2021 22:29

I find it bizarre that in MN, adultery or even thoughts of adultery are considered the worst of all crimes. This exact scenario but where say the man gambled their savings because he was depressed or took drugs or alcohol because he was stressed or shoplifted because of some mental health disorder would garner various responses but chatting to a sex worker and he's the lowest of the low. It's if insecure women on mn. I would rather find out what was going wrong that made him take this option as I would for any of the above scenarios not lynch him.

Maskless · 03/10/2021 04:10

@honeybuns007

I find it bizarre that in MN, adultery or even thoughts of adultery are considered the worst of all crimes. This exact scenario but where say the man gambled their savings because he was depressed or took drugs or alcohol because he was stressed or shoplifted because of some mental health disorder would garner various responses but chatting to a sex worker and he's the lowest of the low. It's if insecure women on mn. I would rather find out what was going wrong that made him take this option as I would for any of the above scenarios not lynch him.
Eh? You just invented a sex worker and inserted them into the story!

There is no sex worker.

Just (probably) a young man in a scamming call centre, as seen on TV.

OP posts:
NutellaEllaElla · 03/10/2021 04:18

He lost £20 before he wised up, stopped and suffered zero repercussions. Surprised it made the news.

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