To want to go on a 'big' holiday after being in hospital?

[incangold]

I recently spent about three weeks in intensive care, and it was fifty fifty if I was going to make it. Totally out of the blue, otherwise seemingly healthy. Doctors don't think what caused it will happen again.

Like many, this illness has made me re-evaluate life. I want to go on holiday somewhere exotic with my family. We have never done long haul as I am a teacher and we can't afford it during school holidays. We usually rent a cottage in the UK. I have this desire to get out and go somewhere far away like the Mauritius or Kenya or the Caribbean ... anywhere far. I'm not talking about staying in ultra luxury. Maybe £5-6k for four of us for the week.

The problem is, dh says no. All he cares about is saving money so that he can retire by 57. He earns about the same as I do, so neither of us are big earners.

Well then leave him behind! Why does he get a say - what is the good of saving all of it if you could be hit with a 50/50 chance of lviing

How horrible of him! There’s more to life than him retiring early!

Nabu - neither of you are unreasonable.

Go without him! You'd easily get somewhere really nice in Thailand for that amount for 2 weeks, we normally go in the Easter school holidays!

What a horrendous experience you’ve had that will naturally make you reevaluate life! Yes you must book this amazing holiday because as you know life is so precious and making memories and having fun is so important. I’m not flippant with money and think a healthy savings pot is very important but there is no point being the richest person in the graveyard! You want to make it to retirement and look back on your life knowing you made the most of it!
I’m pleased you recovered, stay healthy x

Just you and the kids go. We went to Mauritius a few years ago and the kids are often reminiscing about it being the best holiday we've ever been on. You don't get memories or lovely chats from a saving account . Life is too short as you have discovered

I full understand where you are coming from. I’ve been very ill in past and have a very different attitude to holidays etc as a result.
I’d talk to him. If he doesn’t understand I’d go with your kids.
Obviously you’ll need insurance but I was able to get insured at reasonable price topping up annual policy.

£6k for 4 for a week is not cheap. You can find somewhere exotic and exciting for much less.

Do you actually have the money or would it need to go on credit cards

Go what’s it going to mean? That you have to work a couple of months longer before retirement. Sadly who says either of you will get there without further health issues.

Life is for living and grabbing opportunities when you can, if it doesn’t mean going without food or other basics to do it, it’s a no brainer to me

Would you go with your DC and not your DH?

I’d go without him. Your views are just as valid as his and if it’s just you & 2 children you’ll all fit in one room.

If you want to spend around £6 for the 4 of you, the easiest money saving solution seeing your dh isn’t keen is to leave him behind and save £1.5k instantly.

Enjoy your holiday with the three of you

I agree with making a saving by going with the kids and not him!

Do it! Get an interest free credit card and make a plan. Life is short, you deserve it.

Does he want to travel when he retires at 57?

Neither of you are wrong. I understand your desire to blow lots of money on an amazing holiday after such a traumatic health scare.

But equally important that he wants to save his money so he can retire early. He’s obviously been thinking and planning long term when he can stop working, and is saving for that.

Maybe a holiday abroad simply doesn’t appeal to him, especially with covid variants and quarantine issues. Many people want to stay close to home in a pandemic.

Can you go for your holiday with a friend or relative? I don’t think it’s fair to expect your DH to spend his money on something he doesn’t want to do, especially when neither of you are high earners and he clearly has a long term plan for his savings.

Or could you go alone?

Go and take your Dc! Life is too short!
I had some amazing holidays in exotic places, IMO best money ever spent.

I wouldn't plan such a trip until Covid 19 is something of the past, but a nice holiday is perfectly reasonable.

I did the same post cancer treatment . Me and my boys had an amazing trip that they still talk about years later .

Do it .

Go for it, you only live once !
If you are going long haul, suggest 10 days, 14 days or longer

About 18 months ago, when cases of Covid were beginning to ramp up, I was very unwell and was admitted to the ICU, where I was not expected to pull through. I spent 3 months in hospital and I was discharged about a week before the first lockdown happened.

Like you, I had a very strong reaction to having survived such a close call, but unlike you, my instinct was to gather DH and our DC tightly to me and barricade ourselves inside our safe, warm, happy home. I suspect my reaction was coloured by the fear I felt about one of us contracting the virus, knowing that in my weakened state, it would likely kill me.

Lockdown for me was a blessing. I know that for many, many people it was incredibly tough, but it came at exactly the right moment for me. Without the lockdown, I suspect I would have suggested that DH took a couple of weeks off work, or at least WFH for a while, and would have asked him to agree to keeping the DC home from school for a couple of weeks, as I felt very strongly that we needed time as a family to hunker down, to recover and to attempt to repair some of the damage my brush with death had had on us all - particularly the DC. If DH had refused to accommodate my wishes I suspect I would have felt hugely disappointed and unsupported.

Ultimately, you have had a near death experience, to which your reaction is a desire for a luxurious, long haul holiday. To spend some time relaxing and regrouping with your family after you have all been through a huge trauma. I think it's very sad that your DH isn't trying to understand quite how much this experience has affected you. In your shoes, I think I would try to explain to DH the impact that this has had on both your physical and mental health. Let him know that you understand that he and the DC have also been hugely affected and that you honestly feel that this holiday is necessary in order to draw a line under this traumatic experience, to give you all an opportunity to talk about things and to create some new, happier memories. I think that a PPs suggestion of Thailand is a good one - perhaps your DH would be more likely to go for it if it wasn't as expensive as £6k (which sounds extortionate for just a week!)

Go without him if he doesn’t want to go. Reaching the age of 57 isn’t guaranteed to anyone and if spending 5k would set his retirement back by years then there’s something wrong in the planning anyway.

I've been seriously ill with lymphoma this year and had to have a stem cell transplant. In total I've been in hospital over 60 nights this year, away from the kids.

I would bloody LOVE to go on a big holiday like you describe, and if I was well enough/could get insurance I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Life is short - who knows what condition you/your husband will be in at 57. Sometimes there's no point delaying gratification (and I am usually a saver, not a spender).

go. leave misery-guts behind.

Use the time away to evaluate whether you want to stay together long term.

YANBU but check out the insurance situation before you get too excited about any particular location. A lot of countries in that region are still red listed so you cant get comprehensive insurance to travel there - a consideration if yoube recently been very ill.

Go. Who knows what the future holds!

Of course you have to plan and save for the future - but that shouldn't be at the detriment of having experiences now. It's a balance.