AIBU

[Chatterboxxy]

A friend has a big birthday coming up. She's asked for a gift from our group that would be £30 each. Would it be unreasonable to message and ask her to choose something else, because we are only willing to spend £20 each

The person who has a problematic attitude to money is the one who’s asked for a gift worth £150.
Your friend sounds sensible. Perhaps she’s saving for the future, trying to get out of debt or just can’t afford it. Or perhaps she doesn’t want to spend that sort of money on someone who thinks it’s appropriate to choose a gift that costs £150.

@Constellationstation

The person who has a problematic attitude to money is the one who’s asked for a gift worth £150. Your friend sounds sensible. Perhaps she’s saving for the future, trying to get out of debt or just can’t afford it. Or perhaps she doesn’t want to spend that sort of money on someone who thinks it’s appropriate to choose a gift that costs £150.

Or she’s seen how many people are likely to contribute and chosen something specifically with that in mind. As lots of posters have said, about £30 is normal for many friendship groups and apart from this one person, the person asking for the gift seems to have pitched it about right.

@Chatterboxxy

We asked her what she wanted, and she sent a pic. On discussion one person in our group said she would only out in £20, although the rest of us would be happy to pay the extra. It's just an awkward situation now. I think she has her heart set on it.

How much does she normally put in?? Could you not just cover the extra between the rest of you.

Think about the bigger picture - I adore my friends so I’d probably just pay it but if you don’t really like her that much then ….

So you could split the missing tenner between a few of you but you won't because you want you right friend to just pay what you guys tell her and stop being tight?

I definitely couldn't afford £30 every time a friend has a big birthday. One year 9 of us turned 50 and on top of that I have two kids and lots of family to buy for. It shouldn't be taken for granted that everyone can afford £30. If I was the birthday girl I wouldn't dream of asking for a gift worth £150.

Invite an extra person to chip in 😬?