To not say thank you for maintenance

[Disapoint]

So I have a 12 year old child, I’ve raised her alone. Her dad has had some issues and hasn’t been there much. Sometimes he will send money here and there but it’s never been consistent. His family does help out here and there when they can which I really appreciate. Anyway he’s recently decided to start giving me £80 a month for her. Today he sent the money and I was busy so I never said thank you.

Now he’s sending me messages calling me a bitch, that I should at least say thank you, he doesn’t owe me anything. I feel like I shouldn’t even have to say thank you because I literally pay for everything. I don’t need his money but I think he should pay towards her even if he can’t be there as a dad

Did you claim via cms? If not then do that. You don't owe him thanks. Don't engage in any contact unless it's directly about dd - access for example. Ignore any other messages but maybe keep them or screenshot them and save - just in case you need proof of his abuse at any stage.

He wants you to thank you him for finally deciding to provide for his child... Fuck that!

In my head I'd be asking him to thank me for keeping his child alive, clothed and housed for 12 years whilst he got his act together. In reality I would ignore the message and vent on MN like the sensible grown up I try to be.

What an arse, I never once said thank you to my ex.

I would also not say thank you and I would completely disengage from him. He doesn’t get to treat you like that because he deigns to give you some money occasionally. I would ignore him completely and if that stops him paying, then I’d live with that

Has he said thank you for raising his child for 12 years? Feeding her, clothing her, housing her?

Now he’s sending me messages calling me a bitch, that I should at least say thank you, he doesn’t owe me anything.

He may not owe you anything but he cert owes his daughter, and a lot more then a measly £80 at that. What a prick.

What, who thanks someone for maintenance 😕

Reply with his own sentence

Call him a bitch and say why do you never say thank you for all the money I spend looking after and funding your child.

Yeah fuck that. £80 and you need to say thank you??

I think you need to go to the cms.

This is maintenance, a moral obligation to raising a child. Also what does £80 really buy for a 12 year old?

I’m outraged for you.

My ex is also pissed at me as I don't thank him for the short payments he makes 🙄

I am not exactly living the high life on that money. It does not even come close to covering his child's medication for a month, never mind keeping her clothed, educated, and fed.

Sigh.

I get it OP.

I know my ex seeths because I don't thank him. He transfers the maintenance last thing at night on the day its due because he wants the power trip of me asking for it (as I did the first few times), but its not technically late. He gets no such satisfaction out to me and I enjoy him seething silently.

He should be thanking you for paying 99% of the costs of raising his child. Go via CMS and make him pay regularly. He is abusive.

Why aren't you claiming via CMS?

Fuck this for a game of soldiers - Where's YOUR 'thank you' for raising your child for 12 years?

Careful, he’s trying to control you and make you communicate with him by saying thank you.

I can’t even go via CMS because he works cash in hand. Whole other story but I’ve always said thank you just to keep the peace and I keep that £80 for us to do something in the month.

But I genuinely forgot this time. Argh go away

My ex used to send me messages telling me he put thirty pounds in the bank (a month for two children) I ignored it in the end I said OK? He said I thought you should know in case you need it, I said I work 40 hours a week my childcare costs are £400 a month my rent is more this contribution doesn't even cover the cost of one child's school meals for a month he hit the roof saying the costs only wanted him to pay £29.67 a month he doesn't have to pay me the thirty plus I get "the benefits" for the children and on and on I left him to it he was absolutely raging to the point a mutual friend asked me what happened I said I pointed out the inequality in the finances and he didn't like it 🤣

CMO (formerly CSA) not costs

Tell him that you know he doesn’t owe you anything but he owes his daughter a lot.

Tell him when he says thank you for not only raising his child but financially covering his ass when he's not paid up then Youl consider it.

And then tell him to fuck off

Has he said thank you for raising his child for 12 years? Feeding her, clothing her, housing her?

This ^ With bells on!

He should be telling you thank you for raising his child! He has a lot of nerve.

So he’s a tax dodger too? HMRC might be interested.

he hit the roof saying the costs only wanted him to pay £29.67 a month he doesn't have to pay me the thirty
I know the payment is a disgrace but I proper laughed out loud picturing this loser frothing at the mouth over the "extra" 33 pence per month. Just think, if you saved that up for 6 month, you could treat one of the kids to a savers meal at McDonald's 🤣

@Youseethethingis

he hit the roof saying the costs only wanted him to pay £29.67 a month he doesn't have to pay me the thirty I know the payment is a disgrace but I proper laughed out loud picturing this loser frothing at the mouth over the "extra" 33 pence per month. Just think, if you saved that up for 6 month, you could treat one of the kids to a savers meal at McDonald's 🤣

The child support office relayed the conversation to me where he said naa I will give her the thirty its only a few pence difference I love the Irish accent they do scathing so well 🤣

Thank you so much for the £x you have contributed to date for your 12 year old child. That works out at X pence per day, we are extremely grateful for your generosity.

Seriously, fuck him. And his poxy 80 quid.