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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery and nap times

65 replies

Appleofmyeye05 · 30/09/2021 15:18

Hi please can you tell me if I’m being unreasonable or not because this has got my goat a bit.

My son is usually an early riser, this week he’s been up at 5.30 if not slightly before then.

He goes to nursery 8.45-14.30, I usually advise at drop off if he’s had an early morning and if he can please go for an early sleep as their sleep time is 12pm and I think it’s a long time for him to go before a nap.

My son is nearly 2, has been at nursery about 4/5 weeks and his usual nap time at home is between 10/10.30

I have mentioned this to his key worker yesterday about him having early starts and wanting him to sleep and she told me that no other children stay awake so he’s awake on his own and if he seems ok she will push him on, I said in a polite way, no he must go to sleep (or at least try) for 10/10.30.

Thai morning he was up at 5.30 and I advised on the door that he will need an early nap, at pick up I had noted his sleep entry wasn’t inputted and when I asked about his sleep his key worker tried to brush over it and talk about something else. Again I said can he go to sleep earlier if he’s had an early start, she said he was playing so she didn’t attempt his nap.

It might seem really immature and a non issue but my son struggles when he’s over tired or not had enough sleep and has been lashing out physically at home.

I’m tempted to write an email to management, AIBU? Or should I mention it again to her tomorrow at drop off?

Additional info so as not to drip feed:
key worker is early 20’s with no children of her own, I have been told by another staff member in the same room that some children don’t have a nap so my son isn’t awake by himself (and anyway is the children are all asleep, there’s more than 2 staff members available to my son)
My sons bedtime is between 6-7pm

Please help!

OP posts:

TimeForTeaAndG · 30/09/2021 18:05

When you say you've tried a later bedtime, how long did you stick with it for? My DD used to take around 5-7 days to change a routine. She is also a bit of an early riser (compared to DH and I) but thankfully she is now capable of getting cereal, making toast or porridge and we can get a lie in.

Nursery have activities, go out for walks etc that would be disrupted or have to be cancelled if a child goes for a nap really early.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 30/09/2021 18:06

Put him to bed later. 8pm can be good at 2. That way he will wake up later and be ready for a nap at 12pm. In my nursery babies in the baby room had a darkened room next to play room so could nap flexibly. The toddler room (once kids walk) had fixed naps at 12pm for those needing them.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 30/09/2021 18:09

Agree it would be good idea to move back bedtime by 15 mins per day for a few days and then stick with later for a week. He will get used to it.

3WildOnes · 30/09/2021 18:23

I have an almost 2 year old who is stil on two naps a day. She has her first nap around 9.30-11 and second nap 2.30-4. Occasionally she will just have the one nap at 10.30-1.
I think she is the only child in her room that is still on two naps but our nursery have been very accommodating. Not all nurseries have rigid nap times.

LadyT27 · 30/09/2021 18:56

Ok, me saying she’s early 20’s with no children of her own wasn’t a dig at her or her capability to look after children, it was written purely incase anyone asked the age of the key worker. I’m sure she is very capable or else she wouldn’t be working within a nursery setting

No one asked her age so clearly this was your assumption and a dig

Boredhimtodeath · 30/09/2021 19:11

If you don’t like what they do then you need to change settings. They have a routine because it is what works for them, they can’t change it for one child because they won’t have the space or the staff. I do personally think you are being a little precious - during my teacher training we had a parent that used to remove their secondary age child every day for half an hour after lunch because they “didn’t get enough time to play”, I’m not saying this is you but start as you mean to go on!

Littlejayx · 30/09/2021 19:16

Nursery worker here- (new one and on may leave but it still counts )

We have had this with one parent at our nursery, unless it’s a huge place with lots of surplus staff or quiet rooms a child having his/her own nap time isn’t viable I’m afraid, with staff ratios and safety we couldn’t put a child on their own or have a full staff member watching a nap!

I’d recommend a nanny/childminder with a home setting and also not judging a nursery worker on her age/family status, the best nursery staff I have worked with have been early twenties 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lady1576 · 30/09/2021 19:23

My son doesn’t nap at all at nursery. I wish he would but I understand they are limited in what they can do to get him to sleep at nursery. He finds it too exciting to sleep! He has been having terrible tantrums at home, weirdly since he started enjoying nursery more, the tantrums are more. I think it’s more a case of ‘being on best behaviour’ at nursery and being overstimulated compared to home and less to do with napping or not. If they can get him to nap at all, I’d count that as a win

waterrat · 30/09/2021 19:43

I think when a child is in any sort of childcare with other kids they need to be flexible to the others. We used a childminder and I think my toddlers barely napped there as it was busy and lots going on.

Wagglerock · 30/09/2021 19:59

Ok, me saying she’s early 20’s with no children of her own wasn’t a dig at her or her capability to look after children, it was written purely incase anyone asked the age of the key worker. I’m sure she is very capable or else she wouldn’t be working within a nursery setting

Oh please it was obviously a dig. What are your qualifications to look after children?!

And just stick to the nursery nap, at DS' there's no way they could accommodate a random nap time unless a child literally fell asleep on the floor. They have lunch and then the little beds come out and those that want a snooze go for one. If he's lashing out at home then just deal with it. You'll probably fine a few weeks of a decent lunchtime nap and he'll shift his schedule to a slightly later start.

MerryMarigold · 01/10/2021 11:04

Regarding the nursery worker:
To be honest, if she's early 20s she may have been doing this since she was 16 so 8 years or so, with lots of different children ie. A lot better qualified than most parents! Many nursery workers I know went in from school at 16 and combined college/ placements from this age or even an apprenticeship from this age. It has certain disadvantages too (mostly with self confidence b in streaming to parents!) so it's good to find a place with a mixed workforce (where I work we are 50:50 uni graduates). But in terms of understanding naps and providing a loving, nurturing environment these women are amazing. Please don't look down on them.

MerryMarigold · 01/10/2021 11:06

Sorry, I meant mostly in self confidence with speaking to parents - which is probably why the key worker wasn't more confident to say it's something we can't offer, and could actually be better for him anyway.

MerryMarigold · 01/10/2021 11:09

AND (sorry I'm a bit passionate about this)... If they didn't love working with children, they'd be earning considerably more sitting on a till at Lidl or Sainsburys. Anyone who does this does it because they love the job not for the money!

Megan2018 · 01/10/2021 11:10

2 year olds shouldn’t need a morning nap even with and early start. A 5-6 hours awake window is about right. All the 2 year olds in DD’s room have a post-lunch nap (lunch is at 12). A morning nap isn’t something to be encouraging and it’s unreasonable to expect nursery staff to accommodate it when it’s completely out of kilter with the room.
At ours most of the toddler naps start from 12.30/1. My DD tends to not fall asleep until 1.30 but they can’t have them napping all over the place.

Dumbo18 · 01/10/2021 11:45

I have been where you are worrying about my son being too tired in nursery and wishing he could nap earlier but honestly he was fine and so will your son. There's enough to keep him busy for the extra hour and a half and it will get him into a new routine where he can stay up a bit later and hopefully get up a bit later. I know its hard to think how they can suddenly go longer without sleep but they just do, my son one day stopped napping at 2 and a half and i was thinking no way he can go 12 hours... he was absolutely fine. Try not to worry and please dont go to management, they aren't really doing anything wrong and cannot change routines, meal time etc for one child. Id understand if he was maybe 12-18 months old but at 2 going 6 and a half hours without a sleep isnt an issue

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