Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To ask if you were going to stay with family for a week?

70 replies

Chocolateflapjack01 · 30/09/2021 13:59

...would you expect to be fed 3 meals a day for the whole week or would you go and do a shop/ offer to?

OP posts:

Insert1x20p · 30/09/2021 14:02

Covid not withstanding, I stay with my mum for 2/3 weeks in the summer (I live abroad). I pay for the weekly shop if she lets me (so maybe 2 out of 3) and also take it in turns to actually make the dinner. I'd also buy wine/ top up shops as needed.

MattyGroves · 30/09/2021 14:03

I would buy a meal or two out or takeaway and a hostess gift like wine or chocolates. I wouldn't offer to contribute to a supermarket shop, in my family, that would be seen as overstepping/bit personal like contributing to someone's electricity bill

MattyGroves · 30/09/2021 14:04

I would also hate it if someone tried to cook in my house, if I have someone to stay, I want to host.

StillWalking · 30/09/2021 14:05

I would definitely contribute in some way. Either do a large grocery shop, offer to cook some of the meals, contribute additional goodies such as wine or nice deserts or take your host out for meals (or pay for takeaway) ..... or all of the above.

Expecting to be fed three square meals a day for free is taking the Micky in my view.

HarrietsChariot · 30/09/2021 14:07

I wouldn't expect to pay or cook anything as a guest, and wouldn't expect the guest to pay for or cook anything as a host.

Clue is in the terminology, guest and host.

CrumpleHornedSnowcack · 30/09/2021 14:07

I would do a shop to buy things suck as breakfast serial, bread, beer, wine & snacks but would also treat them to a couple of meals out.

I absolutely would not expect myself & rest of my family to be fed by someone kind enough to have us stay for a week.

Ellarain · 30/09/2021 14:07

No I wouldn't expect to be cooked three meals a day. I would buy shopping, takeaway and cook too.

Insert1x20p · 30/09/2021 14:10

Clue is in the terminology, guest and host.

Kind of, but when you go back to your childhood home, are you a guest? I'm conscious that my parents' food bill is 3 x what it would be with just the two of them, and its not a guest-host relationship.

simitra · 30/09/2021 14:10

I have never stayed with family for more than a weekend since I left home.

When staying as a guest I would take a gift (wine) and offer to take my host out for a meal or pay for a take in during my stay. I would rarely stay anywhere other than a hotel for more than a couple of nights.

Vaselike · 30/09/2021 14:10

That depends if I was invited as a guest or for example because I was staying for my convenience (perhaps for work or health reasons).

I would offer to cook meals or take out for dinner and would definitely offer money.

But as host… I would gladly offer three meals a day, love to be taken out for dinner and to be offered treats/contributions, but would refuse your cooking in my kitchen. I’m finickity like this…

girlmom21 · 30/09/2021 14:11

I wouldn't expect to be provided with 3 meals a day.

I'd expect to help myself to breakfast, mostly go out for lunch and then have a combination of takeaways/being cooked for/cooking dinner.

leavesthataregreen · 30/09/2021 14:12

I often stay with my DBro fro a week. I cook about 2-3 nights out of seven but that's for his whole family and there's only one of me, so that feels fair.

PurpleDaisies · 30/09/2021 14:14

“Expect” has the wrong connotations, but yes. It would be normal for whoever was hosting to plan and provide meals but I’d definitely help with cooking/washing up and bring some treats. I’d also pay for a take away or a meal out.

TabithaTiger · 30/09/2021 14:14

I think it really depends. If you were staying because they invited you, I think the onus is on them to host, although it would be polite to bring treats and take them out for meals, pay for coffees out, takeaways, etc.

If you were staying as it's a convenient place to base yourself for a holiday (for example, they live near the coast) then I would have a discussion in advance about paying for food, cooking, etc.

Also depends on their financial situation. If I was taking my whole family to stay with my elderly mother who survives on a pension, then of course I'd expect to provide food for us all for the entire stay.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/09/2021 14:15

Keep offering to when I go to my family but they won’t have it - my parents that is.

My dad would hate it if I just brought a load of stuff, but at the same time won’t let me chip in for their shopping.

It’s easier going to stay with my aunt as she lets me bring stuff and join in with the cooking/ meal planning etc

EllieSattler · 30/09/2021 14:16

When I take the DC to visit my parents, I am categorically Not Allowed to buy food, I think they would be a bit hurt if I insisted.

If it was anyone else I would probably bring brioche and cereal and milk for my kids' breakfast (they like big breakfasts!) and discuss the plans for other meals.

EmeraldShamrock · 30/09/2021 14:16

No I wouldn't expect it
I'd contribute and cook a few meals.

AryaStarkWolf · 30/09/2021 14:16

Is it just 1 person staying or a whole family? If it was just 1 extra I wouldn't expect them to go shopping or to cook, they'd just eat with the rest of us, if it was a whole family I'd probably expect them to contribute something and help with the cooking

Tulips15 · 30/09/2021 14:20

Food shop/Give money towards

PurpleDaisies · 30/09/2021 14:22

Would people actually want money from family guests? I can’t imagine effectively charging my sister to come and stay. Obviously that’s assuming finances aren’t tight.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 30/09/2021 14:22

As a guest you offer to pay for a meal out / take away rather than shouldering into the kitchen and taking over the cooking or imposing yourself by stocking someone else's cupboards and fridge with foods. My parents used to take us out for a meal when they visited but I'd have absolutely hated them to do my food shop or cook in my kitchen - that's actually quite an imposition.

When I visit my parents I don't offer to pay for anything - they're well off though and i don't stay as long as a week, I would pay for meals out/ take away if they weren't, and with anyone else I would.

SirenSays · 30/09/2021 14:23

I would offer but expect to be declined, that's just how my family are. I'd buy the host a gift, and pay for any takeaways and meals out without question.

MovingSchmoving · 30/09/2021 14:24

For me it depends on the arrangements. When we see my DB and DSIL for 3 days at a time we always do the driving to stay worn them which is about £50 petrol. Because of this they generally feed us lunches and buy in breakfast things. In the evenings DB will normally do a big curry or chilli one night and then on the others we would get a takeaway and/or eat out when we would split the bill. We always take a few bits with us like nice biscuits, beer etc as a gesture. We would only go to the supermarket for a shop if we wanted specific items that they were unlikely to have (or for our very fussy DD1).

But if you take it in turns to visit/host then it might be different.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 30/09/2021 14:25

Also when it's just me I don't even want 3 meals per day. One thing I don't like about being a guest is that you have to fit into other people's eating rituals - obviously I do what's expected when a guest in someone else's house but I never eat breakfast, so 2 meals

Constellationstation · 30/09/2021 14:25

When I stay at my mums we go shopping together, she usually pays and I do the cooking. I don’t stay with any other family

Flip

1 2 3