To ask if you were going to stay with family for a week?

[Chocolateflapjack01]

...would you expect to be fed 3 meals a day for the whole week or would you go and do a shop/ offer to?

What I’m trying to say is that yes it is very nice of them to have you but also there is hassle and costs involved in being the ones to do the travelling. This also has to figure into the equation somewhere.

I’d stay in a hotel and then visit or meet for days/meals out.

When I visit my folks I pay for a meal out and a takeaway. I’d leave them alone and go out to meet people for dinner/with DP on one or two nights and I always bring my mum a bouquet or plant and my dad a few beers.

Definitely take them out for dinner or lunch during that time, do some shopping and maybe pay for drinks or coffees on one occasion too, help with food prep and table clearing.

Visiting family does also involve flights and hore car/ train and now paying for those stupid scammy backhanders to the government's pals/ bribes/ whatever those absolutely ridiculously useless £70 a pop processed in 7+ days, results after you've left the country, compulsory self administered postal private covid tests are.... So about £250 per head just to get 1 person there.

@HarrietsChariot

I wouldn't expect to pay or cook anything as a guest, and wouldn't expect the guest to pay for or cook anything as a host.

Clue is in the terminology, guest and host.

This is nuts! What if one half of the party never hosts? What do you suggest happens if it is always the same people hosting and the same people visiting? This is often the case when people are visiting others abroad, or coming home from.abroad (voice of bitter experience).

It varies, we live far away from our parents so always visit for 1 or 2 weeks and they do the same to us. When we stay with PIL we do a big supermarket shop because they seem to be incapable of realising how much food we eat (FIL gets stressed there's too much fruit in the house if the fruit bowl has the amount we eat in a day). And we prebuy a box of as well. When they come to us MIL likes to bake a pudding with the DC and does a meal or two but DH and I do the vast majority of the food planning and cooking. When we stay with my Mum I usually cook a meal or two at her request and take her out for a meal and bring a token alcoholic gift. She'd take us out for a meal and bring the token gift but I don't expect her to cook for us. I wouldn't stay at anyone else's house for more than a night or two.

I would say it depends on the relationship between the people, and how affordable an extra mouth to feed would be.

In general, if someone comes to stay with us, they'd join us for meals as part of the family. If they offered to cook a meal one night, or take us out, or pay for a takeaway, that would be lovely, but it wouldn't be expected.

Depends on the family relationship and dynamics.

When me and dc stay with my aunt in the summer, we usually eat breakfast at hers (and I bring dc's main breakfast with me, but we also use some of her stuff like butter, fruit), I'll buy lunch out somewhere, and she'll cook dinner. I might buy dinner out one evening too, and I'll often pay her entry fee into whatever attraction we're visiting, although she doesn't always let me. No money changes hands, and we don't pay for her shopping. There's no way she'd accept money, but that's because she sees herself as the adult and me as the 'child', it's not a relationship of equals.

With another aunt and uncle, or my cousin we stay with sometimes, I would cook for myself and dc more often and we do stuff independently during the day, so there I would shop for myself and ask if I could get anything for them/the house. But if we eat together and they cooked for me, I wouldn't offer to pay. I would probably take them out for a meal at some point.

If I were staying with any of my siblings, I would definitely offer to pay for the weekly shop. Even when I've been staying with them to help them with childcare (so not a holiday for me!), I've bought the odd bits.

So I don't think it's a one size fits all shop/not shop binary choice, it depends entirely on the relationship.

If I invited someone for a week I would expect to feed them.

However, if I was visiting someone for a week I would offer to contribute to the shop, I would probably shop myself for a few bits that I like (alcohol etc too if that’s likely to be consumed) and I would also offer to buy a meal out / takeaway.

Also depends on how close you are too

There is no way my parents would accept us paying for anything. With PiL we usually can contribute in several ways.
I've also been to a friends, who generously allowed us to stay for 4 nights. I went and did her top up shop, and added loads of extras, and also turned up with generous gifts for (all) her kids.

So, I guess it depends on the relationship.

Take hosts out for dinner/takeaway at least twice during a weekly visit. If out and about doing trips then I'd pay/buy lunch. Would probably take myself out for lunch as part of that at least once or twice. Breakfasts - that's usually just help yourself through the week, isn't it? So I'd make toast for whoever was there. Obvs make tea. Bring shedloads of booze. Ask if anything needed picked up when out and would obviously pay for that.

But unless I was at the supermarket I wouldn't pay for shopping and I wouldn't cook.

We live abroad, when we visit family we buy shops and pay for takeaways.

We are getting accommodation for free and know that hosting the four of us really pushes costs up.

As a host I would expect to feed a guest all meals even if that was help yourself for breakfast and lunch.

If a guest wanted to buy lunch or dinner when we were out or order a takeaway or cook that would be fine.

As a guest I would always offer to do the above and would make sure I brought booze/snacks etc with me and stocked up through the week.

Family wouldn't accept money so we have to go with them, or go by ourselves.
Visiting Uk supermarkets is a treat for us.

Also if someone came to stay for a week I would ask them what they want to do. My sister stayed with friends for two weeks once (abroad) and they did their own thing during the day and went home most nights for an e evening meal.

We often stay with SIL for a week. We tend to take a meal with us preprepared for everyone, and usually do a shop either before we go or when we're there. We might eat out or get a takeaway, then we'd sort of split the shopping during the week...it's a bit ad hoc. In answer to your question though I definitely wouldn't expect to be fed 3 meals a day all week, no.

I would only stay at someone house/ have someone to stay at mine for a week if they were close friends/family. As such none of us would be shy in either asking for contribution to food or help with the cooking.
We always help out or offer to cook a meal or buy a takeaway or other shopping as and when through out the week.

FIL is her around 8 weeks a year, not in one go! If we go out he pays, I cook at home otherwise and we just up the shopping.

Family finances have a huge bearing on it.

When we go there we pay if we go out otherwise they pay for the shopping and cook.

It works out pretty even.

I would not expect to be waited on for three meals a day and neither would I reciprocate.

I think there is no one rule really, it dépends on the situation and relationship.

When I have stayed with friends I wouldn't offer to buy the shopping as it would feel like overstepping but i offer to help with the cooking and always insist on taking them out for dinner as a thank you.

We live in a different country to our parents so we stay with my parents a lot and they stay with us probably more. They never let us pay and it's the same when they come to us, they stealth shop and prepare dinner while I am at work (my mum is a fabulous cook so any protests are very half hearted). There is usually a little kerfuffle between dh and my dad when dh insists on paying and my dad will have none of it. Not sure if its pride or that I will always be their child and they just want to do something for me, now and again they let us pay if it's just a bottle of milk.

With my in laws there is never enough food. They are not mean it's just that they always underestimate how much we will eat. So we take them out to dinner a lot and I always do a shop and cook dinner one night for us all (And keep a bag of snacks in the bedroom for emergency ).

I always visit people with no expectations, I have never visited someone and been asked to pay for shopping (usually the host has pre shopped) but I would be very happy to if the occasion arose. Otherwise am happy to eat out or if they have catered take them out as a thank you.

Depends but I would generally not want to cause extra expense to people who were hosting us especially if we were staying with the kids.

We used to live overseas and people would ask to stay with us then not contribute to their food and not even help out. I think that really obnoxious and rude. I would definitely do a shop and I would help with cooking etc.
It’s different if you have invited someone but even then it’s polite to help.
It’s different when I stay with my parents. Although I always do loads of chores for them as they are quite elderly.

I shop.

I would offer to help, wash up, load dishwasher, do a food shop, pay for takeaways, take everyone out for dinner, but not insist if they didn't want this.

I don't provide 3 meals a day for people who live with me so I'd never expect someone else to provide this for me.

Also, I would never stay more than 2 or 3 nights.

I'd bring some nice bits and pieces for my hosts and offer to pay for a meal out. I only eat Weetabix and fruit for breakfast most days so I definitely bring that bit I'd check first, some people would be offended.

I wouldn't pay for supermarket shop or go shopping unless if was something specific I wanted etc

I would offer to help make dinner, but not plan/cook a meal, I would help with cleaning up after dinner. Would offer a takeaway or meal out, perhaps a gift.