To get DH to do a couple of night feeds even though he works?

[SundayTwizzle]

And I'm on mat leave?

I'm permanently exhausted from doing multiple wake ups at night (DD is 6 weeks but her night sleep seems to be getting worse not better). We agreed I would do the night feeds as I could catch up on sleep during the day however it turns out we have an unputdownable baby so I cant even get a shower most days let alone take a nap.

Would it be really unfair to ask him to do a few even though he has to go to work the next day and drive?

Also could you ask family to come during the day so you could nap?

MIL was a godsend during the early days!

We both worked FT, so we both did night feeds. I’d feed the baby, and then hand off to DH who would do the inevitable nappy change, winding and walking/rocking back to sleep.

We cleaned as we went to answer the post about how to do after dinner mess. Ten minutes after eating all dishes done, counters wiped, etc.

@timeisnotaline All our housework is done by 6, but we only have one child at home! It's more complicated with two for sure, but the person who has baby solo for a few hours in the evening should be able to do a few bits and pieces I would think.

Also I think if you really have a nightmare sleeper who cannot be put down at all, it must be a whole different kettle of fish and the cleaning up probably has to take a back seat v survival!

On MN he should be doing a 40 hour week, all the shopping and cleaning and bring you delicate morsels on a silver platter before he starts the ironing, so I don't think a few night feeds is too much to ask.

Also, if you can afford it get a cleaner. We have two hours cleaning a week, food shop delivery and only cook really easy meals! Day to day we only have to put stuff in the dishwasher, and do laundry. Basically survival twin baby mode.

Makes life easier when you’re getting minimal sleep!

What happens in peoples houses after 8pm that they can just go to bed?

Lots of people are still at work? Have older children?

My DH always did the last feed when he went back to work as he is more of a night owl. I would head to bed about 8 or 9pm while DH stayed downstairs with the baby. Last feed was usually between 12 and 1am,he would feed the baby downstairs then bring them upstairs to the Co sleeper. It worked for us. When he was on paternity leave (2 weeks) he did the night feeds and I did the day feeds. My DH was and still is very hands on though.

@Fluffypastelslippers

What happens in peoples houses after 8pm that they can just go to bed?

Lots of people are still at work? Have older children?

Ignore me I totally misread that

Could he not cover the evenings when he gets home so that you can get a few hours sleep ?

This. We'd have DH doing 8 - midnight. In practice this quickly just became the 10pm feed, but meant that I could sleep 7/8pm - 2am and again 3-6.30am ish, and everyone functioned.

I'm waiting for the drip feed that he is an air traffic controller or neurosurgeon.

As others have said it depends on what he is doing the next day - what his job is and how he gets to work, regularly driving a long way with little sleep is dangerous. Do you get a break at weekends? I agree with him doing evenings while you have time to shower and get a bit of shut eye.

Depends on his job doesn't it really?

For what it's worth when I was on maternity leave with my twins no I wouldn't have expected DH to do night feeds. He was working and my "job" as it were was the babies.

Unpopular opinion for a lot of members on here I would imagine

@tiggerwhocamefortea

Depends on his job doesn't it really?

For what it's worth when I was on maternity leave with my twins no I wouldn't have expected DH to do night feeds. He was working and my "job" as it were was the babies.

Unpopular opinion for a lot of members on here I would imagine

Really? Wow! Yeah I think that’s crazy. How did you cope? Genuine question. My husband would never put me through the emotional and physical relentlessness of doing nights alone. I wouldn’t have been able to do it alone even if I was prepared to!

Absolutely he should share it.

Even if he has a job that requires concentration, there are ways he can contribute.

I would work something out where you go to sleep at 9pm, he's responsible for the baby if it wakes up before midnight.

You take over responsibility for any wake ups between midnight and 6am.

Then any wake ups after 6am, he takes the baby so you can sleep until he leaves for work.

He gets a minimum of 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, and likely more because the baby won't be completely awake the rest of the time. That is no hardship in my view, any new mother would be thrilled with 6 hours of sleep.

And you get a chance for a few hours in a row and hopefully more.

Dh did.He did the night feeds between 10pm and 1am even though he had work the next day.

DH used to do 5-7am with ours so that I could at least get a two-hour block of sleep before he left for the day. It was exhausting and shit but knowing that I had that break coming at 5am used to get me through the long sleepless nights.

DS is 7 weeks corrected and feeds every 3 hours. I do all day feeds, DH does 1 feed before midnight and first feed after 6, I feed in the middle of the night. I do actually get handed morsels as well though.

Really? Wow! Yeah I think that’s crazy. How did you cope? Genuine question. My husband would never put me through the emotional and physical relentlessness of doing nights alone. I wouldn’t have been able to do it alone even if I was prepared to!

I agree it’s not ideal - but it’s certainly doable. I don’t see how you’d be ‘unable to’? Genuine question as well.
Your comment reminds me of a mum I know who posted on Facebook about managing to bathe her baby alone expecting a round of applause - apparently it’s a two parent job usually

@Rosesareyellow I wouldn’t say that’s remotely comparable. Because my twins don’t sleep! If I did it alone I’d probably get about 2-3 hours a night, and they don’t both sleep at the same time during the day either.

@Imatwinmum

Honestly? I just cracked on with it. Also had a 4 year old. And it was lockdown and attempting home schooling.

I was back at work full time from 5 months - I'm the main earner by 4x. My job is challenging pressured and relentless involving managing a lot of people and millions of pounds - to me maternity leave even with twins was easy

I wouldn't have put my husband through the emotional and physical relentlessness of working all day and then doing night feeds 🤣

Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

@Bunny2021

I go to bed 9:30/10 PM. My husband does feeds up to 1/2 AM. I then take over the night until 6/7 AM where he takes the baby so I can get an hour or two.

We did the same with non sleeping non put downable baby

@tiggerwhocamefortea each to their own. Me and DH both have high pressured jobs but still find the twins more demanding than work. I wouldn’t work 24 hours a day with the twins if he’s only doing 9 then sleeping all night!

Of course he should! Regardless of his job is it just expected you have next to no sleep in a 24 hour period!?! What happens when you go back to work? Whats the difference if he does a couple of nights a week now or will you be expected to do it when you work aswell?
Id be having a lie in on a weekend too. From someone who has had been on maternity leave and went back to work full time after I can hand on heart say work is a breeze compared to caring for your child all day.

@Imatwinmum

Are these your first babies? If so yes I can imagine twins would be a bit of a shock and you'd need each for moral support

These are children nr 2&3 for me and i'm much more confidant this time round that being said I don't find looking after babies difficult (and no my babies aren't angels) - it's really
Only the lack of sleep which is hard at times

No mine didn't/don't sleep at the same time either but I am able to function better(and am an all round nicer person) than DH on lack of sleep