To think that covid has ruined our families Christmas Rota Cycle?

[Pipsquiggle]

Just finalising Christmas plans and they’ve gone a bit tits up this year and potentially for the next few years as well.

We usually have a 2 year cycle – 1year we celebrate with my family; the next year we celebrate with DH’s family – it’s worked well for the last 7 or so years.

Diagram attached
Red box is what normally happens
Blues boxes show what is happening this year.
The problem is, is that all the ‘fun’ members of the family are in the dark blue box – they are all at their in laws this year - and in the past they have been quite intransigent about changing their 2 year cycle with their in law Christmas rotas.

It took quite a while to establish the red box rota – what can I do to get it back to that ASAP? I can’t be the only one in this situation!

I think someone whe would create such a diagram is in the not fun group for a reason

Maybe I'm a bit dim, but I can't even begin to work out who's meant to be where and when.

But my general approach to Christmas is that strict rotas and routines never work. You have to take it year by year and never take anything for granted.

Monica is that you?

Maybe I'm a bit dim, but I can't even begin to work out who's meant to be where and when.

I can’t either! Basically, it’s the brothers and SILs who are fun - and they are both with the SILs’ families this year? Is that right?

YANBU! It has messed up ours too OP!

We always alternate between my parents and DH's parents. Now we're out of sync with DH's fun cousins! We're facing Christmas with just my PILs every other year forevermore

Did you use visio for that?

@araiwa

I think someone whe would create such a diagram is in the not fun group for a reason

Haha - yes fair point - I was trying to do a visual display as it's more complicated with siblings in laws in play.

Did it on Google Slides - trying to use it more as I usually prefer Excel spreadies.

@OrangeTortoise - you've got it - I don't want to be in the dull group forever!

If you talk to your brother, and your husband talks to his brother, you can work something out. I feel a bit sorry for your sister though!

Wtf?

Now I love a spreadsheet/slides/presentations.....but honestly

The fact that you bothered doing that and are so bothered about this, really make me laugh.

Took ages to organise everyone 3lse into a rota that suited you?

If everyone 'fun' is elsewhere this year, do whatever you usually did when they were elsewhere before

Its was one Christmas. Its really not ruined all your future Christmases.

I don’t have a fecking clue what your diagram means but the sentiment I understand - we’re fucked too.

I am standing firm on this: because last year we saw no-one because of Covid, this year will be based on whatever arrangements should have taken place last year. And woe betide those who fail to stick to that.

Just stop it and have Christmas as you dh and kids

Oh yes have another year at home or switch your rota around!!!

Christmas is the SEASON of goodwill. I.e. It's not just one or two days.

We see all our friends and family over the 5/6 weeks of the holiday period. Lots of fun, no pressure on "perfect" days. And no spreadsheet.

You’ll be like 99% of families on earth who (after just 2021 with all the fun people gone), if they insist on following a very set rota regardless of fun or personal feelings, have one dull stuffy Christmas then one fun Christmas forever (as the fun people will always be at both households in the same year and gone the same year). Of course, it’s a little strange that for you it will be at alternating houses (usually it’s one stuffy dull family; one fun family) but ho hum. Do these people live hundreds of miles apart that you can’t see both households at Christmas?

Actually, will you ever see the fun members of house 1 again?
2021 - no fun members; you go to house 1
2022 - both houses have fun members; you go to house 2
2023 - no fun members; you go to house 1 again
2024 - fun members back; again, you go to house 2.
If you stick to that rota, you will never see the fun members from house 2 at Christmas again? I’d recommend more family parties (don’t have to be fancy) throughout the year and take all this rota bullshit off Christmas. Or join the families. If you host, you invite them all. Your choice.

I 100% agree with @thecatsthecats

I don’t give a shiny tit rolled in glitter about any restrictions BoJo tries to inflict on us this Christmas, everyone in our family is coming to mine, everyone is going to help out, everyone adult is going to get pissed and it is going to be BRILLIANT. There’s going to be 26 of us!

Sorry guys - I thought mumsnet loved a diagram but obviously just for parking. I do wish I had a super power in infographics though - my attempt above is admittedly poor.

@WimpoleHat you are right

@FiveGensOfLove - yes I totally wish I stuck my heels in on this but unfortunately a lot of bad shit happened to my SIL's family last year which is why they are breaking ranks and going to her family this year. In the rota it should be 'Year 2'. I can't really go mental at her.
My DB is going to his inlaws, his DP's siblings have had 2 babies over covid so they want to see them.

I can't see everyone over Christmas as we live hundreds of miles apart and I work in retail so no time off

I thought rotas were pretty common - particularly if both parents (me & DH) have multiple siblings with families of their own.

Just on my side - there are 4 different households. If I include DH's family that's another 3 households. If I include wife's/ partner's families that goes up by another 6.

None of us live close to each other, also there are a lot of NHS and retail workers so Christmas is pretty busy

Shit like this makes me arrantly grateful that I have no Bio family apart from my daughters. I'm a solo parent, so we can spend Christmas with whomever the fuck we want and really enjoy the special nature of the holidays. 😎

I think you'll just have to make the best of it and take it as it comes. Family dynamics change over time, anyway. People die, move away, aren't able to travel, etc. The children grow and partner up, and then they have to take their new partner's family gatherings into consideration. I think it's inevitable that even the best laid plans and rotas eventually disintegrate and have to be reworked. (I also feel rather sad for the "dull" people on your list... Maybe you need to find some ways to make gatherings with them more enjoyable.)

Sometimes it works best to have the Big Family Gathering on a day other than Christmas, be that Christmas Eve or the weekend before Christmas. Whatever day allows the most people to attend. Either that or split it into multiple smaller gatherings.

Sometimes it works best to have the Big Family Gathering on a day other than Christmas, be that Christmas Eve or the weekend before Christmas. Whatever day allows the most people to attend. Either that or split it into multiple smaller gatherings

This

And your diagram is beautiful…

Go on holiday. Or say you’re not hosting.

Then next year it returns to normal.

I appreciate your diagram and I feel for you. Just hold onto the fact that at least we may get to see family (whether our first choice family or not) this year!

To be honest with you all, I am not worried about this year, it will just be lovely to see any family. It is how the rota will evolve going forward

The people in the fun group are quite sticklers for the rota. I am just worried I will only see them every 4 years for Christmas

As previous posters have said, these things evolve and dynamics change. I am sure I will survive.