To think that covid has ruined our families Christmas Rota Cycle?

[Pipsquiggle]

Just finalising Christmas plans and they’ve gone a bit tits up this year and potentially for the next few years as well.

We usually have a 2 year cycle – 1year we celebrate with my family; the next year we celebrate with DH’s family – it’s worked well for the last 7 or so years.

Diagram attached
Red box is what normally happens
Blues boxes show what is happening this year.
The problem is, is that all the ‘fun’ members of the family are in the dark blue box – they are all at their in laws this year - and in the past they have been quite intransigent about changing their 2 year cycle with their in law Christmas rotas.

It took quite a while to establish the red box rota – what can I do to get it back to that ASAP? I can’t be the only one in this situation!

Jeez. I have no idea what that diagram means. So glad we dont do any of that. The way we do it is anyone who is in, or wants to come to Central Scotland, does Christmas at mums. ( this includes lonely friends and assorted waifs and strays) Everyone else has Christmas at their own place with their own families. We phone each other on Christmas day. Sorted.

What happens if you go on holiday next Christmas, so dont partake in any family rota. Can UK then insert yourself in the correct place for optimum fun christmases?
Or does NHS and Retail working make that nearly impossible?

We’ve just stuck to the schedule. It was meant to be Christmas with my MIL last year but because of lockdown we couldn’t go. This meant that we actually did see my mum on Christmas Day. However, we’ve decided to just stick to the usual schedule so we’ll be having Christmas with my family.

Oh god yes. We had a Christmas rota mainly because Mil very early on demanded that we come to her every year. She has a massive thing about Christmas being a ‘family time’ but by this she means her family, not mine.

Last year we were due to go away, but the restrictions meant our trip was cancelled. We spent it by ourselves as Mil decided to go to a relative. This year it’s meant to be my family, but DH has mentioned that Mil asked about us coming to hers because apparently everything has changed because of covid. Sigh.

Ours have been totally messed up. No idea how we get back into the routine, or any routine

I really don't understand the diagram either

I would have flu this year and hopefully that fixes it so you are with the people you like next year?

Doesn’t this mean you have all the fun people next year so will get a good year then?

I’m with you on the dull and the fun. We had a rota and worked hard at it, otherwise in laws all the time. Would like just us.

Last year was an anomaly. Whatever was supposed to happen last year should happen this year. If someone else is messing it up then I'd do something totally different this year then insert yourself back in the rota next year where you want to be. And have that conversation early in the year

@JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome

Doesn’t this mean you have all the fun people next year so will get a good year then?

No we would only get half the fun people as half the fun people are in my family and half the fun people are in DH's family.

On a normal rota we would have 'fun' relatives every year - it would be my family then DH family

Now it looks like:
2021 dull
2022 fun my family
2023 dull
2024 fun DH family
And so on...

I think you can salvage this by going away. Take yourself out the equation for a year, then when you come back you can join in whatever looks like the best gathering going forward.

Or open back channel comms with the fun people and figure out you can all manipulate the system to your mutual advantage.

Going to be fun for you if you find any of your "dull" members are on MN and identify you.

I can't believe the extent some people go to with these diagrams. Just pretend last year didn't happen and pick up where you left off from 2019. It's simple! And yes covid spoiled my Xmas routine last year because it killed my dad during the Xmas holiday. Not everyone has a nice family, or any family, but if you have then just appreciate them while you can, dull or not 🙄

Maybe I’m very dull too but I could follow it fine!

Some of other younger generation members of the family were also on rotas with their parents and in laws. These were the fun ones. They were always “absent” at different times, so OP always had one or other available, with the respective parents and the dull brother fitting in too.

Now the two younger couples who are fun, but on different sides of the family, have restarted their rotas on different terms - one has obviously counted 2020 as a rota year and the other not - so that they are both on their “off” year for the OP at the same time.

Probably either:

1. Do you own thing entirely, either by going on holiday or just staying your own “household” family at home, and boot this into the long grass for next year.
2. Do as above and make new traditions so that the rota is no longer a thing and arrangement are just made as and when.
3. Have the available members of the family round and accept it won’t be quite as fun!

I'd say, sink this Christmas and focus on trying to reclaim the situation next Christmas by e.g. Saying to all who's hosting for who ect,

Now you see, I'm cross because unlike PPs, we are pretending as if last year happened and therefore skipping 'my' turn and me not going to my parents for Xmas for the third year on the trot. DHs family tend to dominate our lives as it is and I'm pretty annoyed about it, but I'm vastly outnumbered.

Sorry I forgot the dull sister!

I’d have the years you’ve marked as “dull” on your new rota as you household only/ going away for Xmas years

I totally get you, and your diagram. I'm a similar situation, but fortunately in-laws are accommodating and flexible.

@Pedalpushers I would not stand for that!

@araiwa

I think someone whe would create such a diagram is in the not fun group for a reason

Bravo

I do not understand that diagram at all

My Dsis is lovely. She works in the NHS so is often working at Christmas. I suspect she will be working on the 'dull' years

We alternate too. I’m disregarding last year as a write off and going back to last years plans for this year.

.

@Pipsquiggle

Wow, is this for real?

It's like being in the army being in your family. Chill the fuckout FFS, and just stay in your own homes!

I am so glad me and my adult DC, and small extended family, see each other between the 20th and 23rd for a meal, and me and DH just spend Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day with just the two of us.

Absolute bliss, especially when you see how people fall out and tie themselves up in knots trying to appease their different families.

I have no idea why people are so obsessed with being at someone else's house/or having people around theirs at Christmas. There's 364 other days you can see each other. Baffling.

And as for making a spreadsheet! I've seen it all now!